[rachaelh21]

Will my ex come back?

obviously no one knows the answer to this, however I was wondering if anyone has any previous experiences that they can relate to this.

Basically, me and my ex moved in together properly after a year of being together and we are both young (21). i basically lived at his house the after about 3/4 months of being together (that’s another story but is what happened). We were absolutely fine living together which is why we decided we would move in together properly the year after (not just us two we live with others but we share a room). everything was fine, we don’t argue much and can spend a lot of time together.

However 2/3 months ago he said he didn’t feel the same way anymore. He said he's had to much to soon and doesn’t want the relationship anymore. he felt it had been to intense and no longer wanted to be with me anymore. however i had exams and stuff for uni so we kind of put this on hold and tried to act normal. However the day my exams finished I asked him about it again and he said he still felt the same way so I said I would rather break up; I don’t want to be with someone who does not want to be with me. He is now staying at a friends house.

He cried quite a bit when we broke up, i hugged him goodbye when we knew we weren’t going to see each other for a while and he burst in to tears and he said he was still in love with me. He just did not want the relationship anymore due to the intensity of it.

However, in about a month we won’t be living together and i said to him that obviously the main problem for him in our relationship was living together and the intensity of it made him unhappy and not want the relationship anymore, however very soon, the problem of living together will no longer be apparent and I asked if he would like to meet up in a couple of months to see how we both feel, which he agreed. he also said he can’t promise anything as well but at the same time, I said neither can I, i don’t know how i will feel in 2 months.

I’m going to go No contact until we meet to talk about our feelings in a couple of months and decide whether to give our relationship a try again.

Has anyone had anything similar to this? what was the outcome?
or any other relatable advice to this?
Or any opinions in general?

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are hurting

. I would go no contact and just go on about my life. Hoping they come back to you is detrimental to your well being.

My ex hoped I would come back for two years and only stopped when I got engaged. Hoping someone comes back to you makes it hard to move on. Now if some time down the road you both decide to try again it's fine but I won't focus on it but rather on living your life well.

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[Lotus57]

I agree with divine. Go no contact but do it for yourself to have space to find yourself and improve yourself in all areas and let him go. If it's meant to be it will happen. You may even not want him back after that period of time. Breaking up sucks. Learn from it and grow. Intense relationships always burn out. You have to always have your own life as well and not smother each other no matter how good it feels at the time, you need to force some space for each other

[Talthybius]

Well, maybe things are have past this station already, but my initial thought is that if he really thinks you are the best thing for him, but the suddenness and intensity of the relationship overwhelmed him(which I think can happen), a solution would be to stop living together but continue the relationship.

I am sure that in your talks the difference between breaking up and stopping living together was clearly stated and discussed, but I feel that in your email it is not.
If it was discussed, why did he want to break up? He should have been able to communicate this feeling to you without making you feel uncertain/hurt/in doubt.

Of course when long-term expectations from a relationship have to match up.

So probably he told you he wasn't sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, right? And now your relationship already progressed a lot and maybe feelings he hoped he'd have or develop, weren't there?

If so, a breakup is probably best and in that case he has probably already moved on from you.

[ace333]

See my posts, my ex came back and now most days I wish he hadnt but in the moment I was a complete mess. Now I'm more resentful than ever. U are both still young I myself am only 27 and have only lived by mysel . Work on yourself and things you want before your stuck in a situation wasting your 20's away use the time wisely. You both may want to get back together or not but don't put off your life waiting and exploring

[TishaBuv]

It sounds like he truly cares for you. Maybe he is just young and not ready for the serious commitment. What happened that he thought was too intense?

I think your idea of continuing the relationship, but not living together is a good one. I hope you both grow together.

If you do go no contact, just prepare yourself that anything can happen. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck.

[divine1966]

I call BS on "too intense". No one leaves the one they love because it's too intense.

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[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I call BS on "too intense". No one leaves the one they love because it's too intense.

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Not everyone is ready for everything all at once.


Some of us need to move forward and meet our milestones in life in stages.


If I had been moved in with a man in my barely 20's it would have been too much too soon and I would have bailed too. No matter how much I loved him.


Its not BS just because its different from what you would do, individuals have individual needs.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Not everyone is ready for everything all at once.


Some of us need to move forward and meet our milestones in life in stages.


If I had been moved in with a man in my barely 20's it would have been too much too soon and I would have bailed too. No matter how much I loved him.


Its not BS just because its different from what you would do, individuals have individual needs.

I'll be honest, I too have been in the place where I felt I needed to bail because it became too intense too fast. I have done that even recently. I'm not sure where that idea came from really because some people don't handle the intensity well.

Passion and strong infatuation mind you, do not equate to intense in my mind. That is different. I mean everything relationship wise moving too fast getting too serious, making strong commitments too early whether it is me or the partner doing so. I could be passionate and fuly infatuated and still make rational decisions. once I lose that rationality I feel out of control and that's when I'd bail.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Not everyone is ready for everything all at once.


Some of us need to move forward and meet our milestones in life in stages.


If I had been moved in with a man in my barely 20's it would have been too much too soon and I would have bailed too. No matter how much I loved him.


Its not BS just because its different from what you would do, individuals have individual needs.

It's just my opinion. No need to agree.
I hope I am wrong and it's the reason why he left. Op didn't say though that he suggested to slow down but rather that he doesn't want to be with her. I don't want to give false hope to op that he just needs space and will come back. I don't think it's right. I support OP. Sure I don't know her ex but he isn't the one posting here either. Again of course I might be wrong and things will work out. I love happy endings

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[Trippin2.0]

Glad to hear it, just thought I'd comment because your wording which I quoted directly was very strong, it comes across as speaking in absolutes, for example, "nobody leaves", as opposed to stating an opinion.


Glad we cleared that up.

[divine1966]

I post in between 100 other things and Internet can only allow for that much variation. I speed type on the phone and I sometimes add IMHO when I remember. Whatever I post is always just what I think. Plus English isn't my native language and it's easier to type in shorter sentences.

But I also don't like to give people false hopes. I think it's worse than absolutes. We all can only do our best helping others

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[Talthybius]

I agree that it is strange that there seemed to be a problem with the intensity of the relationship, and then it was decided to completely end it. I don't have time to reread everything, but I remember it wasn't clear how this happened and at whose initiative this happened.

[Trippin2.0]

While the ex bf obviously brought up the subject, according to the OP it was her who actually severed the relationship.

[divine1966]

Well he told her he doesn't feel the same way anymore and doesn't want to be with her. I really don't see how it's her ending a relationship. She understandably replied that she doesn't want to stay together since he doesn't want to be with her. It is not the same as her ending a relationship. I am just going by what she said

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[scorpiosis37]

I agree with Divine. He said he no longer has feelings for you. It is extremely unlikely he is going to regain those feelings while you two are apart from each other. If he were truly in love with you, he would not want to break-up with you. You're so young. You have your whole life ahead of you, to meet new people, grow, and change. Who you have feelings for now is probably going to change significantly in the next few years. My advice would be to move on, date new people, and develop a stronger sense of self. It isn't worth waiting around for someone else. You deserve someone who is head over heels crazy about you.

[divine1966]

Amen to that Scorpio

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