Guy that I really like may be suffering from depression

We have never been official before, but we briefly saw each other a few months back, and had a lot of good conversations and intimacy. It ended when he began to fade out and ignore me, and right away, I thought it was me and that he didn't like me. Last week, he came back and invited me to his house. He told me about all the stress going on at work and in his family, and began to cry. He told me he wasn't ready for a relationship right now, but asked me if I could be there for him, and not leave. I said I would, and he'd told me how amazing I was. He'd also talked about how his anxiety keeps him awake late at night. I saw him twice last week and we were intimate both times. He had made plans to see me again, but then started to be distant again and didn't seem like he'd wanted to chat over the phone either, as he had been in previous days. I sent him an additional message to see if the plans were still on, and he told me we'd see, and that he wasn't feeling too well. While I regret this now, I thought he was just making an excuse, because he'd cancelled earlier in the week for being "sick" then, as well. So I told him if he does get better and feels like seeing me, to let me know. He never responded. Me being stupid thought this was about me, as it'd only been about a week and he was already starting to fade. I asked him if he'd still felt the same way about me as he did at the beginning of the week. No response. So, then I got to thinking about everything he's going through, and I sent him a text in the morning just to tell him to have a great day. I did this because I wanted him to know I was thinking about him and am here for him. That backfired, however, because he sent me a very long, cold and detailed text about how me following up on things, making sure he's still there, and having a constant need of approval, was overwhelming. He told me he just wanted to be left alone, doesn't want to have to respond to anyone, and that weeks will go by before he wants to talk to people. I was definitely taken by surprise, as he'd been so sweet the last time I saw him. It made me feel really guilty, selfish, and stupid. He never came out and told me he's suffering from depression or another type of disorder, but after receiving that message it seems to me like there's something more behind his sadness than the stress at home/work. Now I feel really bad and sad about sending those extra messages, because I don't want him to see me as a burden; I want him to know I'm here for him and that he can talk to me whenever he needs. I sent him a message to apologize, and told him I'm here, but he hasn't read it. It's been 5 days. Even though we aren't boyfriend & girlfriend, I care really deeply about him, and I don't want to lose him just like that. Does anybody have any thoughts/suggestions?

It sounds like you are being very supportive and it is so hard going through depression. And it can be hard to relate to what a depressed person is going through. I don't see a problem with sending him a general, supportive text occasionally. Something along the lines of "thinking of you and hope you are feeling better." He may or may not answer, but he likely will appreciate the support. Hope that helps. xo

Its hard to know exactly how he must be feeling or what he may be going through, but I think reaching out was the right thing to do. It may not feel like it, but when I am in a low place knowing someone is there and cares can help. That being said however I think you should give him the space he asked for. You let him that you are still there for him and maybe that is all he needs right now. Maybe you could trying checking in with him in a few days? I hope this helps and if you need someone to talk to, I'd be more than happy to.

You might not agree but that's what I think.

I am not sure why you need to be sorry and apologize to him. You did nothing wrong. He seems to be reappearing every time he needs sex. I understand he might be depressed but he seems to be feeling well enough to have sex twice in one week but then he is again so depressed he can't even text back? Unfortunately when a man has sex with a woman and then disappears, it is a bit of a a... hole behavior. This is second time he does it.

Inviting you over pretty much means " come to my house for sex". Respectful men date women before having sex. Also when respectful men aren't ready for a relationship, they don't immediately follow up with sex. They don't lead women on. If he just wanted a supportive friend then he wouldn't sleep with you

I personally think you deserve better and I wouldn't pursue this man any further.



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I agree with Divine.

Thank you. I just don't want to make him feel like it's all about me, and I feel like I already did this by asking for his reassurance. How often would you suggest I send these texts?

Thank you. I just don't want to make him think it's all about me, because I'd already asked for his reassurance. What would you recommend I say?

Thanks for your thoughts, I appreciate them. And I have definitely thought about it in this light, myself. Sometimes I just feel like it's my fault, because he told me he didn't want a relationship, and I let him sleep with me, and then on top of that asked for his reassurance. The reality is that I do want to date him, but now I feel like he wouldn't even want me as a friend. And I feel like he doesn't have a lot of people to turn to, as his parents are having a rough time, and he doesn't have close friends.

Honey the guy doesn't want a relationship.

You can't date someone who doesn't want to date you. He had sex and now completely disappeared. Nice or interested men don't do that. He isn't interested in friendship or romance .

You have to respect yourself more . I don't know why other posters recommend you keep texting this dude. I think it's rather degrading since he isn't even responding.



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Sociopath alert.

I agree. I would not text him. He finds it annoying and doesn't want the texts, and it keeps you in emotional pain by hoping he will change his mind and want a relationship with you in the future (which he won't). Sticking around isn't going to make him become interested in you because "you were there for him." He doesn't want you to be there; that is why he is ignoring your texts. He wanted sex, he got it, and then he ghosted you (until he got horny again). It would be in your best interests to move on, and to only go after guys who are interested in you and are looking for a relationship. You are worth a lot more than being some guy's booty call. You deserve someone who is going to treat you well and consider your feelings. You seem to be concerned about being selfish here, but he's really the one who is being selfish. It's all about him and his needs. Spend your time on people who are going to think about your needs, too.

So you don't think I pushed him away by being too needy; he just was never interested in actually hanging out, only sex?

You weren't too needy. And you didn't push him away. You wanted normal communication. Nothing abnormal in your expectations of a guy.

He never wanted a relationship and was actually honest about it, he also slept with you without dating you so yea as bad as it sounds he only wanted sex. If a man is interested, he is excited to find out that a woman likes him and he'd be happy you text him. Instead he got pissed. Yup, he isn't interested and you deserve much better

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I've thought about this more and I'm in agreement with Divine and Scorpio here. They give solid advice in my reading their posts for years and I respect their opinions.

You aren't too needy. I think you deserve more. It seems like this guy isn't one of those, if you know what I mean.

Looking at this again, I don't think I would say anything to him for a while. I will agree that his behavior is terrible, but I think it is unfair to comment on his intentions. I'm not condoning what he has done, but without being in the situation and knowing exactly where he is coming from I don't think anyone can say his behavior means one thing or another.

I agree with divine and scorpiosis.

Thanks for all of your thoughts, everyone. The situation makes me really sad, one way or another.