[Artchic528]

So this guy I almost went on a date with, but who canceled the day of, suddenly texts me a month or so after no communication whatsoever. He was basically asking me if I went to any Cons lately, as in conventions. I'm reeling from this right now.

[divine1966]

Hm so he never apologized or rescheduled? Have you ever met him before? Or was it the first date? I am not sure how to proceed here. I am leaning towards just ignoring him

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[Artchic528]

He apologized after I asked him about it, and then went silent. It was supposed to be our first date. I responded to his text asking him why he asked about the Cons.

[Artchic528]

Now I can't sleep. I just don't feel right. Even typing this out feels funny. I am just not feeling myself. I want to go somewhere and do something but it's 11 at night, so I am stuck at home. I guess I want soda but am all out. I feel anxious and restless and can't settle down. I would hang out on the sofa but my dad crashed there. I can usually crash on the sofa. My eyes are burning and watering from rubbing them, though I am not upset enough to cry. I am just confused I guess. I am also as irratable as a can be.

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[~Christina]

I think you just need to not bother with this guy any longer.. He dropped out before and you were left hanging.. Why subject yourself to him possibly doing the same again ?

Being this upset over a text from a guy that blew you off is a bit out of proportion at this point..

Whats going on with the current guy you have been talking too?

[Artchic528]

I sent him an email and he didn't respond back. I am calling him this coming afternoon.

What am I doing so wrong to not to attract a bunch of worthwhile guys? Is it that there are none to be found? I am strongly believing they are a myth.

Edit: I should say now that I hate platitudes and vague non answers (aka "they are out there"). I know that comes off as crass and all, but I am just sick and tired of hearing them. They don't encourage me at all but only serve to annoy and depress me further.

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[Crazy Hitch]

I would just block him from your contacts.

Don't bother ringing/emailing. Not worth it.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

I would just block him from your contacts.

Don't bother ringing/emailing. Not worth it.

No, I'm calling the guy I was talking to on the phone. This guy who texted me is a different guy.

[divine1966]

If the other guy isn't replying to email why don't you wait for him to reply or call you rather than doing it yourself? Who contacted who last time? As about this guy who texted just block him. Sorry you had a rough night

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[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

No, I'm calling the guy I was talking to on the phone. This guy who texted me is a different guy.

Sorry. I can't keep up with your online dating *shrug*

[kamikazebaby]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

What am I doing so wrong to not to attract a bunch of worthwhile guys? Is it that there are none to be found? I am strongly believing they are a myth.

It's partly that you're willing accept subpar behavior, being mistreated. They can pick up on this, and you reinforce that when you reward them for treating you badly and/or dismissively. Have you defined clearly for yourself what it is you want in a romantic partner? Compare those behaviors to your list, if so. (Generally there are not lots of worthwhile people available. A lot of people are so-so, and some just outright awful.)

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Edit: I should say now that I hate platitudes and vague non answers (aka "they are out there"). I know that comes off as crass and all, but I am just sick and tired of hearing them. They don't encourage me at all but only serve to annoy and depress me further.

Me too.

[Artchic528]

Thanks Kamakazibaby. I do know what i want, but it seems those who fit my ideal guy aren't interested in my type. I keep reaching out to them only to wind up with the silent treatment.

I do feel better after staying up all night (couldn't get settled enough to sleep).

[doyoutrustme]

is reply, "who is this? maybe a wrong number."

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

is reply, "who is this? maybe a wrong number."

Um.......what?

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Um.......what?

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I think it meant that how you could reply to someone who just shows up a month later

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[doyoutrustme]

is= I'd.

sorry! stupid phone.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

is= I'd.

sorry! stupid phone.

That's okay. Autocorrect gets the best of everyone.

Anyways, I don't feel good today, must have been that almond and dark chocolate drink I had earlier. I had about 10 or so ounces of it, and it's not sitting well. I guess I won't be calling the phone guy until I feel more like my normal self.

[TishaBuv]

I had all the same kinds of behaviors from guys when I was dating as you are having. Only we didn't have text and email.

When they would call me again out of the blue, my mother would smugly tell me "They got to W in the phone book" That was the initial of my last name. Implying that they called every other girl in their little black book, got rejected, and then tried me. Just stupid, creepy guys.

You want to be treated with respect and consideration by someone who is truly interested in you. Just keep focus on that.

But if the general pool of guys treat women like garbage, you shouldn't beat yourself up and get so upset over their bad behavior. Just imagine they are doing the same thing to every other girl. Will they find one desperate enough to lay down for them? If every girl won't allow themselves to be treated like crap, will the guys start behaving better because they have to?

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I had all the same kinds of behaviors from guys when I was dating as you are having. Only we didn't have text and email.

When they would call me again out of the blue, my mother would smugly tell me "They got to W in the phone book" That was the initial of my last name. Implying that they called every other girl in their little black book, got rejected, and then tried me. Just stupid, creepy guys.

You want to be treated with respect and consideration by someone who is truly interested in you. Just keep focus on that.

But if the general pool of guys treat women like garbage, you shouldn't beat yourself up and get so upset over their bad behavior. Just imagine they are doing the same thing to every other girl. Will they find one desperate enough to lay down for them? If every girl won't allow themselves to be treated like crap, will the guys start behaving better because they have to?

Yeah, but what if I only attract that pool of guys who treats me like garbage, no matter what I do. Then would one logically just chose the guys least offensive out of that dismal pool? It seems that is my only option if I were to want companionship. Other guys outside of this pool refuse to date me. I even got told by one guy that I wasn't his type because I didn't "value taking care of myself physically" aka he basically said no because I was too heavy set for his taste. I'm not thin, but then again, I'm not morbidly obese. Yet, guys just don't bother with me because I'm a little bit chubby. I find that very disheartening and very offensive, but it's the reality of the situation. Guys I am attracted to just don't want a voluptuous plus sized girl in their lives for whatever reason.

So now you see why I am so utterly exasperated. What am I to do?

[divine1966]

If somebody doesn't like chubby it's their preference. Now it is shallow but that's their choice. I remember you were wondering if you should go on a date with overweight guy yourself. You had the same apprehension.

Plenty of heavy women date and marry. Where I live every other person is heavy. Are you going for men who are thin and fit? Somebody who himself isn't skinny might like plus size woman. Not everybody likes thin. Some don't care and some actually like bigger. When you look for a date online look for those who don't care about weight. It doesn't mean he will treat you like garbage. My fiancée can care less about weight but doesn't treat anyone poorly.



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[A Red Panda]

Weight is superficial, and will just help weed out superficial people. I'm overweight, not obese, and I've never really had my weight be an issue in a relationship - have even dated a casual body-builder.

From what you've shown us on the forum though, there are various traits you show which could lead to your relationship woes. I say this as someone who definitely has some personality-related challenges in relationships myself!

For starters, you get crazy attached waaaaayyyyy early (like the guy you called your boyfriend after talking online for like two days). You are clingy, such as the constant messaging and emailing you do when you don't get a quick response.

Those two traits alone make you super easy to take advantage of as you give all the power to men who are still strangers. You toss out healthy boundaries.

There's a middle road between being closed off and overly attached. That middle road is where you'll find healthy relationships.

[Artchic528]

Actually, the overwhelming majority of my online interactions with guys consists of me sending the same message to every guy I meet, "Hey, would you like to talk?" and then the guys usually saying nothing in return. I don't see how that comes off as clingy at all.

[divine1966]

I don't think red panda meant your original "hello", but when you already start talking to a person you constantly call and email and text even if they don't reply. It's wise to start slow and let them show you that they are interested.

Also unless you actually meet them in real life and go on at least few dates it's not wise to treat it as a relationship, having all wrapped up in them, flirting and worrying how much he likes you etc etc it leads to unnecessary heart breaks before you even met them!

Conversations prior to meeting IMHO and experience should focus on finding out if you have things in common and what type of people they are, not about how much he likes you or wants to be with you. That's too much pressure.

I honestly wouldn't like a message " hey would you like to talk". It sounds like something you'd send to anybody, copy and paste. How about you send message based on what they post in their profile like about their hobby or a job, then it's more personal and they are more compelled to reply.

Something like hello nice to meet you, I see that you like basket weaving, I love baskets but never tried to weave one, I am really interested what type of weaving do you do? It sounds like an awesome hobby etc you might get more responses



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[Artchic528]

I initially did send more personal messages but after about sending off what felt like 30 or 40 of them without response, I decided it's not worth wasting my time and effort to write a personal message out if they don't even bother to respond.

[divine1966]

That sucks. Try a different site.

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