Guy texts after month of silence.

That was Match.com, the site you recommended I use. I tried eHarmony but it was worse.

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Maybe you would connect with a quality person if you appear more intelligent (You are intelligent, just saying your message needs to show it.) How about starting with something like: Hi! I am also into (running, cooking, macrame, etc). I live (general area or state). I would love to get to know you better. Would you like to (chat, email, pm) some time?

This is just a general template. I don't respond to messages that just say Hi, wanna chat?

I know it's trite, but it's true that you are selling yourself in a way, so be interesting and invite them to find out more!

I recommended eharmony. I don't remember recommending Match, I
think is ok but it's just too overwhelming with too many people and too many creeps. Eharmony is better because if yuh don't want to pursue someone they won't see your profile. And it's more selective

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You do recognize that you completely misinterpreted my post, right? Even though I gave examples of the interactions you've had and shared with us?

I was clearly not talking about "hello"s. Please reread my previous post now so that you can see what I was actually saying.

And, just because a bunch of guys don't respond doesn't mean that the others don't deserve the effort of an interesting first message. Lots of people totally ignore "hey how are you" because those people aren't necessarily even reading the profiles and just messaging everyone hoping for some reply. i never replied to those types of messages either.

I think you should follow your instinct ,if you feel something bad then you must be careful ,if the instinct tell you to give him another chance ,give it

After a month, he has not contacted you and now he finds you on his contact list and is in a place where he has no one to call or contact. He's reaching out not because he is interested in you but because prolly all other prospective dates have figure out what a nub he is.

Eharmony is a piece of shyte. It won't match me up with anyone. All I keep getting is this message..
So don't EVER recommend that piece of crap site to me.

How long have you stayed on it and how long ago was it? They have a feature now that besides matches they send you they "what if" list of people who night be out of area or not s match but you have a chance of clicking on them. Also eharmony doesn't allow you monthly packages. I had to sign up for 6 months. So in 6 months they sent to matches??? Did you ask for money back? That's nuts. Pricey site and didn't deliver!!!!

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I haven't bought an eHarmony package because there are no matches. Nothing. Whenever I even so much as log onto that site, like I did earlier tonight, I get a full page that only says what I've quoted. As far as I'm concerned, that site is a worthless, useless piece of crap that desperately needs to be flushed away.

I don't think you understand how it works.

The reason you get that message is because you don't have a membership with them. How were you able to join eharmony if you didn't pay? I don't understand. They didn't have matches for you because you never joined the site. No one is going to provide services for free until you actually sign up and pay membership. They aren't a charity, they collect money from the members, that's what dating site employees do for a living. You want them to find matches for you, so you sign up.

I never got that page you posted because I signed up and paid a fee ( when I used it), I never saw the page you describe

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I'm gonna side with ArtChic on this one. She is 100% in the right. You do NOT have to pay for a package in order to be matched; I have signed up (and paid) 4 times with eHarmony...never got appropriate matches (I am not Christian, they sent me heavily religious men, I didn't want children, they sent me men for whom that is a deal breaker). The site has you go through the initial quiz. What Art is referring to is the fact that, after that quiz, eHarmony is saying they don't feel they can match her to anyone. She was probably honest about having a mental illness (I'm speculating, Art). A male friend of mine had the same thing happen to him, and he was honest about the fact that he dealt with mild depression sometimes (it asks you questions about "how often are you happy?" or whatever). So yes, Art is very clear on how the site works. And yes, it is a piece of crap...and I don't say that to be negative, I say that as a person who has used it, optimistically, 4 times, and has been very inappropriately matched simply because I paid my money and they probably just threw matches with the same geographical info at me

Just because you had a specific experience of something, doesn't mean other's experience of it isn't correct, Divine.

Thank you.

Edit: For me and Art it was a piece of crap. I know other people, other friends, who met their spouses on that site. eHarmony is meant for the relatively specific middle-of-the-road niche of the population of daters, and it all depends on how you fit into that niche. If you're any kind of outlier (not Christian in a predominately Christian area, don't want kids, never been married, struggle with depression, have never been to college, and etc), they're probably not going to be able to match you too well. Unfortunately, they don't tell you that before you pay your money.

I actually had far more dates when I was on Match, tbh. I went on two from eHarmony. Four...out of all of the time I was on there, probably a total of a year, all said and done. The last two times, I cut my membership short which, if you sign up through PayPal, you can do by going into your PayPal account and denying eHarmony permission to continue to withdraw funds. They'll send you a few nasty emails, but what else are they gonna do? Nothing.

Thanks, again.

I used the dating sites for years after my divorce, thinking I'd meet "Mr. Right." and found myself in a quagmires of losers, some of whom I tried to know. I was in my 40's at the time, and most of the men I met...first of all, were eager for a face-to-face meetup. I preferred to correspond for a while, getting to know who and what they were about. They were NOT willing to do this! The ones I DID meet and get to know were looking for a caregiver, either financially or physically, and not willing to give the 50% toward a balanced relationship. I gave up on that, and I'm happy alone. This is not to suggest you should give up, but a man who texts you after a month of silence...ignore him!

Red Panda and others have made some really important points. These guys are treating you badly because you allow them to and you keep coming back for more. If a guy cancels a date on you, delete his number. Don't respond when he contacts you out of desperation a month later. If a guy says gross sexual things to you, delete his number. Don't go along with it if you don't like it. Don't just let these guys dictate the terms. Decide what you want and, if these guys don't meet those criteria, cut them off. Don't just settle for any old dude that emails you. Set some standards. Don't act desperate. Same thing with the clinginess. Don't reach out over and over when these guys are ignoring you or taking a few days to respond. It makes you seem desperate, and that is not attractive. No one wants what is being shoved in their face. It takes healthy people time to get to know you and decide if they are interested. It's impossible to be too interested right away; you don't know each other! You also don't seem to be at all picky; like any old guy will do. That's why you are sending dozens of these "wanna chat" messages. Be a little pickier about who you contact, and take the time to write something more interesting and personal. I too am someone who automatically deletes every "hey, how are you" kind of message I get online because the person couldn't even be bothered to write something unique or interesting. That's not someone I want to waste my time on. If you want to really spark someone's interest, show them your personality and why you would be a good match for them. Of course, also read about what they are looking for and whether you fit their criteria-- if they are looking of tall blondes and you're a short brunette, you would only be wasting your time.

As for the weight issue, I don't think that is your major issue, by far. However, in general, I do not think it is superficial to desire a healthy, active partner who takes care of their body. I'm not talking "model" thin here, but someone who works out regularly and eats healthy. If I do that, I think it makes sense to want a partner who lives a similar lifestyle. Personally, I want to work out, go on hikes, and do very active things (rock climbing, hang gliding, warrior dash) with my partner. I want to cook meals together. I want someone who takes care of their health so that they will be around and be active in raising our children. I want someone who has a lot of drive, discipline, and energy when it comes to their health, career, relationships, etc. I think it has more to do with comparability and living the kind of life you want than something superficial about appearance.

I agree with scorpiosis. It doesn't really matter if it's eharmony or match and we can spend hours bashing dating sites but it's not the issue. The issue that somehow you are attract low quality men or men who aren't interested. Yet you pursue them very actively even they clearly aren't dream come true. Rather than arguing how it's dating sites fault, i'd look into self improvement through therapy and other resources. Maybe there are areas in life that you can improve so you attract better quality men? Take class online? Obtain online degree? Get a new job or a better pay job etc overall talk to your family if they can take you to a therapist regularly

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What do you have to offer them? That's what they are questioning. Does your profile reflect that? Is your photo flattering? Do you look and sound like the type of guy you want to attract?

I suggest reading the first paragraph of scorpiosis37's post every day for a week. And taking it to heart.

Okay.....a second guy started texting me today, after a month of silence. He even asked if I still wanted to go out. He claimed he was sick and had job troubles.

Did he previously cancel or just stopped texting. Sometimes things happen. Typically polite people would say something. Also what job troubles? Got fired? What does he do? Also how sick? Had heart surgery? Otherwise why not text? I don't know what's best here. Hard to tell

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He just stopped texting. He didn't specify about his illness or his job, just that he left it to work elsewhere in retail.

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Is that a wall mart guy?

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I am not sure why you would even consider bothering with any one of these guys that go silent and the suddenly pop up..

Seriously.. It takes literally 60 seconds to send someone a text and say,, Hey I have a lot going on right now... I just can't devote the time and attention you deserve... whether its the truth or not.. It's just common courtesy, and if a man cant even do that.. wasting a nanosecond on him is foolish.

I mean no offense to you... But I think you might want to spend some time on yourself and find out why you would even care about hearing from some guy you chatted with for a day or a week and went silent.

It's simple really.. You deserve better. You just have to realize that and follow through on your standards and acceptable behavior from guys you meet online or in person.

No. He worked at a sporting goods store and then left it for a job at a video game store.