Dealing with guys who stare at women....

----------------------------------------------------------------
I know, LOL! He was drunk, but still, that's a pretty stupid thing to say! His friend told me that he does that when he's drunk, lol!

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry, I don't know why I said that! I don't think of myself and an older lady either! lol!

----------------------------------------------------------
That's good advice. That's what I thought too. I know that they don't mean any harm by it. Men are hardwired to notice beautiful women. Especially since they're often more visual than women.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for explaining things for me! You hit the nail on the head with everything that you said!

I wish guys would stare at me.

Ha! He does that when he's drunk? I thought too much alcohol would make his endowment appear more as if he's standing in ice cold water than something to brag about!

I sometimes call myself that too as a joke lol

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes, I "single out" older men because I'm talking about ME. I said I HAVE trouble with older men. And by "older" I mean 20 or 30 years, like in their 70's at least. And USUALLY older men are more polite than younger me (my age or younger). I've had this problem since I was a teenager. It's gotten worse as I have gotten older. Young guys can be polite and old guys can be creepy. I've experienced both but it's usually OLDER MEN THAT CREEP ME OUT.

I agree with another member who said older men generally have more manners or behave better. They are from another generation.

I don't find it a compliment. It's creepy. When I joined Match in 2007, I got messages from men in their 70's and older. I was 45 back then. Gross.....

I just found a guy who's a friend said he might have liked seeing the women who were dressed like *****s at the "work source" center. I told him I don't think they help with that type of work, and why were they dressed like that.

I know men are "hard-wired" this way, but it still makes me sick. Sure, I notice good looking guys but I don't STARE blantantly like so many men do. Be subtle for crying outloud! If I poked their eyes out, they'd never stare at anything or anyone again.

I bet Neandethals (literally) had better manners. I'm old enough to be the mother (or grandmother!!) of younger guys, ones say 30 or so, and under. So staring from younger guys would be creepy too but I just don't have that problem. If they are subtle, that's good. Staring AND the age is the problem.

I'm stopping now since I had breakfast not long ago and I don't want to lose it.

For me, they stare because of the feminine, attractive or sexy clothes and when I carry myself with attitude.

Ok, I am still a bit confused. First you say that the older men are usually more polite than the men your age or younger, but then you say it's usually the older men who are being creepy.

It's creepier when they're older because its firstly unexpected (read usually polite generation), and secondly they're half corpse, so just eeeuw.

When I was 22, I went to the islands with my aunt who was 44. This man who was like 80 walked over to us, passed over my aunt, and tried to hit on me.

I guess what I am confused about is, it seems to me like the physical unattractiveness factor is a big part of why you seem to have an issue with with these older men checking you out. Well, then, what about unattractive men your age and younger? Would you have this same problem with an ugly 50 or 30 or 20 year old guy checking you out?

To me, something seems wrong about judging a person's actions more harshly simply because they look a certain way.

To answer your questions, honestly, staring would only bother me if I don't know why the person is staring at me. If I knew they were staring at me because they were attracted to me, I would love it. Of course I would be most flattered if it is an attractive woman, but if it is an unattractive woman or even a gay guy, I would still be somewhat flattered, because it indicates I am attractive. Sure I would feel kind of nervous because I don't know how to react, but overall I would not be upset with them. This is just me though, I don't expect everyone to feel the same way. I personally love the idea of others finding me physically attractive.

Now, what WOULD make me angry is a person staring at me because they think I am weird or suspicious. In those situations I feel like going over and smashing the person's face into the ground. I find it pretty odd how it is actually more socially acceptable to stare at someone because you find them weird or suspicious than it is to stare at someone because you find them attractive.

It's creepy because 1: He's STARING, and 2: he's old enough to be my grandpa. Not because he looks unattractive. I can't speak on behalf of anyone else but that is the creep factor for me where much older and much younger is concerned. It's just eeeuw both ways. Why would I want to date someone I could have birthed or could've been instrumental in the birth that lead to mine????

Why Shadix?


If you find nothing inappropriate or creepy about it, fine. But don't judge others for having such a visceral reaction.


And its not about being checked out, look if you like what you see, by all means even compliment me, I will say "thank you" graciously.


But DON'T stare and practically salivate, that is the point where you cross the line from complimentary to creepy.


I'm only 32 this year so I wont date younger, just no. It would be like dating a child, however if I were on the dating market I would date my age and a decade + older. Anything older than 50 would be in the parental age range and I find it creepy / inappropriate that someone who's old enough to be your parent (regardless of gender) is ok with wanting to see you naked.


Maybe its because I have strong family values and I'm thinking from a mother / nurturing perspective (eeeuw he could be my son / grandpa), because even my brother says that if he hears guys talking about how they're dating someone much younger, he instinctively thinks they either don't have younger sisters or have no relationship with them. And so far he's usually right.


Again, its not the looking that's the big factor here, its the staring, and you have missed that point completely.


There a huge difference.

Shadix you are missing the entire point again.

It's not about physical attractiveness ( many older men are very attractive and many young ones aren't), I don't recall anyone saying that these men weren't good looking, it is about age. When people lived long enough they are expected to know that staring is rude. Some younger guys might not know how to behave yet. Hence when older man is rude it's more shocking and creepy.

It's nothing to do with attractiveness. You seem to equate attractiveness with age which simply isn't accurate. Plenty of attractive people of any age out there. You seem preoccupied with looks while this thread isn't about looks

Overall this thread isn't about what you think is attractive, but about rudeness of staring and how it bothers people. If you enjoy being stared at then it is fine.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If it was really about parental age difference, then I would expect women to have the same reaction to much younger guys hitting on them. But so far, I have not noticed women describing young guys who hit on older women as creepy. It seems to me like most 50 year old women would be flattered to get attention from a 20 year old guy. Meanwhile, you see so many 20 year old girls who are creeped out by guys as young as 30. That age difference is not in the parental range. So what gives?

I am not judging you for the visceral reaction, I am just trying to understand what the reason is behind it.

But just a second ago you were saying that the issue is the age difference. So it would seem that there is an issue regardless of whether or not the guy stares and salivates or just politely gives you a compliment.

Good for you. I am 28 and I most certainly WOULD date younger. Most of the people I hang out with are about 23-24, and it doesn't even feel like there is an age difference between us when I am hanging out with them.

Siblings are typically 2-3 years apart in age. So is your brother opposed to dating girls 2-3 years younger than himself?

Again, you are totally missing the point Shadix. This is not about age or attractiveness. It is about men staring at, ogling, bothering, and acting inappropriate towards women in public.

For me, it makes no difference whether the men are old or young or hot or ugly. I do not want ANY of them staring at me, trying to talk to me, or hitting on me. I want to be left alone. It's not only creepy, it's also scary to me. I'm afraid of these men taking it too far. I'm also repulsed by the level of entitlement some men feel, thinking they have a "right" to my time or attention. You're lucky you do not experience this because, if you did, you would NOT like it. I have to plan my life around making sure I don't park in an unlit area, only walking on heavily populated streets, leaving places earlier than I want to just so I don't have to walk alone in the dark, etc. It also becomes expensive because I choose not to take public transportation at night and instead drive and pay to park in well lit ramps with security guards just so I am safe. It's horrible to have to change your daily routine just to avoid having creepy men assault you-- or avoid creepy men who "might" because you never know.

And, just since you seem so hung up on age for your own reasons, I have been approached by younger men and I hate that, too! I've also hard students hit on me which is just gross because they seem like babies to me. They're 18-22 and I'm 31 so they're not young enough to be MY kids, but they still seem like kids to me.

I'm sorry, there is no more words in my vocabulary to attempt to make you understand.


You've already chosen a point of contention and run with it, as usual. Clarifying till I'm blue in the face will do neither of us any good, it will only serve to agitate me and to top it off, it wont even cause you to have an epiphany.


You've made up your mind, and I'm done repeating myself.

Shadix-- it's about the fact that the men are thinking about the women sexually and violating them with their stares. It feels like getting raped.

If you had women stare at your crotch and drool, it might flatter you, but it makes us women feel violated and kind of scared that these men right really attack us. Especially those of us who were really violated.

You have not clarified anything. In fact what is very confusing is that when I post about my issue being judged for liking younger girls, you are always trying to tell me there is no issue with it and that it is all in my head. Now here you are admitting you do in fact have a major issue with age differences.

Also, I think that in this post it is pretty clear you are talking about their physical appearance and not whether or not they are old enough to be your parent.

Shadix-- Are you just trying to make a point about age? Were you on the high school debate team? Why are you hammering on this? Did they make you feel bad because you said you want to only date girls younger than you? So what? I guess you feel that way because you are so inexperienced that you are afraid of women closer to your age. That's ok. I think you are being annoying in trying to prove a point.

Meh, who am I to talk about doing just that with the problems in my own life?

I do all that...no stares...

I didn't say I only want to date girls younger than me. I said I want to date whoever I like, and many of the girls I like are younger than me. No, I am certainly not "afraid of women closer to my age" I don't know why people keep suggesting that. Personally I think the girls that society considers "younger" ARE "close to my age". I think that 28 and 22 for example should be considered around the same age. Besides, most 22 year olds and even 18 year olds are more experienced than me datingwise anyways, so by that logic I should be afraid of them too.