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  #1  
Old Jun 25, 2016, 01:19 AM
Juveman Juveman is offline
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hi
My girlfriend is having this issue and I wanna know how long does it take?
for how long should I wait?
FYI, it's been 6 weeks now that I'm waiting.

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  #2  
Old Jun 25, 2016, 07:52 AM
justafriend306
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It takes two willing participants to solve an issue. What part are you doing?
  #3  
Old Jun 25, 2016, 08:12 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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It depends what the issue is? Typically stonewalling or silence treatments are abusive in nature but it also depends on what happened

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Thanks for this!
Juveman
  #4  
Old Jun 25, 2016, 02:48 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Care to give a bit more information.. Its hard to offer advice from your OP
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  #5  
Old Jun 25, 2016, 08:16 PM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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6 weeks sounds like an awfully long time to not address a relationship issue?
  #6  
Old Jun 25, 2016, 09:53 PM
Anonymous37904
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Passive-aggressive behavior is emotional abuse. What's happening that led up to her stonewalling?
  #7  
Old Jun 25, 2016, 10:20 PM
mugwort2 mugwort2 is offline
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I wonder what bought on the stonewalling. This is just a question since there's no way of knowing otherwise. Did you do anything to stop the stonewalling? Not saying you didn't since I can' tell. Just know a relationship is between at least two people so in this case and I wonder what are you doing to stop the stonewalling. There something you can do?
  #8  
Old Jun 25, 2016, 10:33 PM
Anonymous37904
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From my own experience, my ex stonewalled me until he was ready to talk. There was nothing I could do to open up communication, I tried. I didn't fully grasp how hurtful that behavior is towards one's partner until we were divorced.

OP, I hope she stops stonewalling you. Does she do that to be hurtful? That was my experience. Stonewallers often use control tactics and behave in ways to create emotional pain. I hope it gets better. Tell us what the situation is when you can. We are here to support you. Take care.
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Thanks for this!
Juveman
  #9  
Old Jun 26, 2016, 10:57 AM
Talthybius Talthybius is offline
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Do you want a relationship with someone whose solution to a problem that comes up is to not talk to you for 6+ weeks, to then return and continue as if nothing happened?

And if that person doesn't return, that person ended the relationship 6 weeks ago.
  #10  
Old Jun 30, 2016, 11:03 PM
Juveman Juveman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justafriend306 View Post
It takes two willing participants to solve an issue. What part are you doing?
well for starters, I've been trying to help her but I found out it's useless and it's been 2 months since her stonewalling started and it's been 3 weeks and 5 days since she does not reply.
  #11  
Old Jun 30, 2016, 11:12 PM
Juveman Juveman is offline
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Originally Posted by rainyday107 View Post
Passive-aggressive behavior is emotional abuse. What's happening that led up to her stonewalling?
well, she didn't tell me what her problem is and she said that she can't tell me, I know this is weird to you. At first she said I wish I had found you sooner, I'm happy to have you by my side but I shouldn't have gotten this close to you while having "that" problem.
  #12  
Old Jun 30, 2016, 11:17 PM
Juveman Juveman is offline
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Originally Posted by mugwort2 View Post
I wonder what bought on the stonewalling. This is just a question since there's no way of knowing otherwise. Did you do anything to stop the stonewalling? Not saying you didn't since I can' tell. Just know a relationship is between at least two people so in this case and I wonder what are you doing to stop the stonewalling. There something you can do?
well I tried to show my support and sent her funny stuff to shift her mood. I said: you can count on me..... you're not alone....." I even wrote her an english poem and she said it gave her energy. know this all this stuff was on Telegram cuz she studies in another city.
  #13  
Old Jun 30, 2016, 11:20 PM
Juveman Juveman is offline
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Originally Posted by rainyday107 View Post
From my own experience, my ex stonewalled me until he was ready to talk. There was nothing I could do to open up communication, I tried. I didn't fully grasp how hurtful that behavior is towards one's partner until we were divorced.

OP, I hope she stops stonewalling you. Does she do that to be hurtful? That was my experience. Stonewallers often use control tactics and behave in ways to create emotional pain. I hope it gets better. Tell us what the situation is when you can. We are here to support you. Take care.
I think she's doing that cuz she has no control on it and if she does she, in her mind, is trying to disengage me stay away from me cuz of her problem.
  #14  
Old Jun 30, 2016, 11:31 PM
Juveman Juveman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Talthybius View Post
Do you want a relationship with someone whose solution to a problem that comes up is to not talk to you for 6+ weeks, to then return and continue as if nothing happened?

And if that person doesn't return, that person ended the relationship 6 weeks ago.
NO I don't, who does?

but you see, I'm willing to help her with everything I've got, there has to be a solution. I didn't stop the time I had no idea there was such an issue called stonewalling, now that I do, why stop?
and if she returns, God willing, we won't continue as if nothing happened we're gonna talk about it. The thing is she knew she was about to get in this mood that's why she warned me.
FYI, we're not living together, she's studying in another city.
  #15  
Old Jun 30, 2016, 11:33 PM
Juveman Juveman is offline
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
It depends what the issue is? Typically stonewalling or silence treatments are abusive in nature but it also depends on what happened

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I see. So is seven weeks weird?
  #16  
Old Jun 30, 2016, 11:54 PM
Juveman Juveman is offline
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This is basically hell on Earth. (before meeting her)I was not committing-kinda-guy but I also wasn't a jerk playing with people. Now I'm so committed that I haven't lied to her even once, when I walk down the street or go to work I don't even glance at smoking hot girls in a way that seems me and my girlfriend are walking together even now that she doesn't talk to me. know this that I don't live In the US and people here don't wait for their girl/boy friends for 7 weeks, they'd be like: screw her/him, Imma find someone else. UNLESS they're truly in love which is very rare. She might be the one, and I don't wanna lose my biggest shot at a lifetime happiness at the first sign of trouble, Life has ups and downs as we all know. achieving Sth big like a trophy isn't easy and that hardness makes it more valuable doesn't it?
please wish me luck.
waiting for your replies. Thanks a bunch. talking to you guys comforts me.
  #17  
Old Jul 01, 2016, 01:10 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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It doesn't matter if it is the US or not. If someone is gone for 7 weeks, they are just gone. I lived in Europe and US and loving partners aren't gone for 7 weeks. And if you respect yourself, you don't sit around waiting.

Listen I think from what you describe she stopped communicating and doesn't reply, she isn't stonewalling. As some other poster said she ended a relationship. She might not have the guts to say so, so her solution is just vanish. Trying to pursue her is pointless.

There is no issue to resolve or problem to solve as the girl is gone. It's not that you had a fight and now she is mad and doesn't talk to you for few days. From the looks of it it's over. You deserve better.

Time to move on and clearly she isn't the one or she would still be around. Good luck

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Thanks for this!
Juveman, lizardlady
  #18  
Old Jul 01, 2016, 05:43 PM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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How would you know if she is stonewalling as opposed to just having decided to end the relationship?
  #19  
Old Jul 01, 2016, 11:07 PM
Anonymous40057
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If I did that to someone it would because I had ended it and moved on. I would take it as a clear signal that you're never getting back together. It's easy to label it as passive aggressive, but that just introduces something into the equation that might not be real. After two months, to me, it's clear, she's not stonewalling, you are broken up. It's time to move on. Also, she might have found someone new.
Thanks for this!
Juveman
  #20  
Old Jul 02, 2016, 12:27 AM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juveman View Post
hi
My girlfriend is having this issue and I wanna know how long does it take?
for how long should I wait?
FYI, it's been 6 weeks now that I'm waiting.
your gf sounds bpd.
Thanks for this!
Juveman
  #21  
Old Jul 02, 2016, 04:31 AM
Juveman Juveman is offline
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Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
How would you know if she is stonewalling as opposed to just having decided to end the relationship?
cuz she did the exact things described as stonewalling
  #22  
Old Jul 02, 2016, 06:51 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Originally Posted by Juveman View Post
cuz she did the exact things described as stonewalling


Not at all. Stonewalling is when a partner shuts down emotionally and isn't willing to discuss certain things or stops showing affection etc

stonewalling doesn't mean stop dating your partner ( even long distance it's still dating via other means of communication if not face to face) etc
Stop dating means breaking up, not stone walling.

She hasn't been dating you for two months. She broke up with you

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Thanks for this!
leomama, Trippin2.0
  #23  
Old Jul 02, 2016, 11:47 PM
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Lauliza Lauliza is offline
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Originally Posted by Juveman View Post
cuz she did the exact things described as stonewalling
To be stonewalling you need to be physically together. Think of a couple living together, with one who tries to engage while the other is unresponsiveonsive - literally as if the person isn't there. It is a constant and amounts to emotional torture for the partner on the receiving end.

What you're going through is someone "ghosting" you by disappearing. Still not a great thing to do but it's not stonewalling or abusive. It's essentially a passive way of breaking up with someone, so if I were you id walk away. If she hasn't contacted you in 7 weeks she's most likely not going to at all. If she does, I would try to have more self respect and let her know you've moved on. People will treat you the way you allow them to, unfortunately.
Thanks for this!
Juveman, leomama, Trippin2.0
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