[imarae]

Hello my name is Jessica and I am on here today to seek group support. I am a 27 year old single mother of a 2 year old little girl. Her father is in her life but we are not together. We have been through alot these past 2 years since my daughter been born, he was living with this woman who he was in a relationship with for about 8 years all along while he was together with me. I am still bitter about that situation and even more distraught and hurt now. My daughter told me one day "she changed my pamper" and i said who? she then said her" she said it in front of me and her dad that day. I asked him did he have his ex-girlfriend change her pamper and he said NOOOOO! are you serious i dont have anyone change her pamper, so to avoid a fight i said okay no problem. That same day I showed a picture of the woman to my child and she said thats MOTHER! she changed my pamper. My heart broke in a million pieces. To hear my child call her that broke me and until this day it is eating me up alive. Please someone help me i dont know what to do. I am reaching a breaking point and I want to believe her father is not doing this behind my back especially with the same woman he cheated on me with and who i asked never to have my daughter around. My daughter is very smart for her age and i feel she wouldnt be saying what she said for no reason.

[gayleggg]

Sounds like your daughter is telling the truth, but you can't control what happens at dad's house. If he is still seeing this person there is not much that you can do. Maybe counseling would help you get past the hurt and anger of the past and put it to rest. I know it must have been a terrible blow to her your daughter call her mother, but it's more important to keep an stable attitude toward it and not put your daughter in the middle of and adult fight. Think of letting bygones be bygones. Your anger is only hurting yourself and maybe your daughter.

[Trippin2.0]

See this is why you're still having sex with him.


You refuse to believe he's an ay double ess hole.


Yes he's taking your daughter to that woman, yes that woman is changing her pamper and yes they are encouraging your daughter to call her mother.


Your daughter is two.


No way she could be making this all up, and if she could, what reason would there be for her to do so?


Also by the sound of the 8 year relationship with her, it would seem you are in fact the other woman. You sure they're not married?? Unless I'm misunderstanding your timeline in your OP.


Please stop getting naked with this man, and in reference to your other post, of course you feel used, because you are being used.


Time to face facts and move on, see him for the terrible excuse of a man he is and look forward.


Before your daughter grows up thinking its ok to live the way you are, and repeats your mistakes...

[divine1966]

He is either married or lives with the woman or at least involved . From the way it looks he is cheating on her with you.

Of course when the little one goes there the woman is there as they are a couple. There is really nothing you can do about that but most certainly you can stop sleeping with him. If you believe it's bad for your child to go to their home you can petition courts to make visitations supervised or what not but most likely judge would deny it. If your baby is treated well in dads home there is nothing you can do.

Saying all that I would be upset if my daughter called other women "mom" I am her only mother. But that's why you don't mess with low class men like this one. Stop sleeping with him. What if you get pregnant again???

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[imarae]

thanks ladies for the feedback i am going to put an end to this all today thank you .

[imarae]

He continues to tell me he is not in a relationship with her and how he does not live with her anymore either, i dont trust him at all so thats very hard to believe so yes first step in moving forward would be to stop having sex with him and that is what i will do.

[Fredje]

Difficult story because there are always 2 sides to a story. I might tell you totally the opposite of what people tell you here, since I have learned not to judge someone on just one side of the story. I have no experience with this, so please take it with a grain of salt and if I am mistaken my appologies

Question number one that pops up is: " What kind of woman is that? " If suddenly your boyfriend/man/lover comes home with a child, you don't ask questions? Question number two: " Is the father of the child trying to make your child see a different mother? "

Since he cheated on you before with that same woman, how about just totally removing his rights to even have your daughter at his place? I don't think he is lying to you, since it doesn't really add up all together if the woman he would be with has never questioned where the child came from.

All I do agree with is that the one you had the child with is an complete a$$hole. Even tough I am stricly against positive discrimination towards women when it comes to children, I think it's best to start writing that letter to your lawyer.

[imarae]

He did tell the woman about me and how i was pregnant so yes she knew of me and my pregnancy and even seen pics of my daughter because while he was living with her he showed them to her.

[Fredje]

Then I consider it more or less either someone he just... gets on with or someone to use. I don't think it is love related. Doesn't matter with the fact he's still an a$$hole. Don't be the third wheel, and don't show your daughter how to not be.

[Trippin2.0]

I'm still convinced its the wife or even future wife.


It makes more sense that she's open to bonding with your daughter if she's in it for the long haul with this man.


A gf or booty call would in all likely hood avoid "the child of infidelity" like the plague, whereas a wife would try and be accepting as this child will always be in her life too.


Good call on ditching him completely, at least one of you has to respect you, so it may as well be you.


Lord knows he's showing you none.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Fredje

Difficult story because there are always 2 sides to a story. I might tell you totally the opposite of what people tell you here, since I have learned not to judge someone on just one side of the story. I have no experience with this, so please take it with a grain of salt and if I am mistaken my appologies

Question number one that pops up is: " What kind of woman is that? " If suddenly your boyfriend/man/lover comes home with a child, you don't ask questions? Question number two: " Is the father of the child trying to make your child see a different mother? "

Since he cheated on you before with that same woman, how about just totally removing his rights to even have your daughter at his place? I don't think he is lying to you, since it doesn't really add up all together if the woman he would be with has never questioned where the child came from.

All I do agree with is that the one you had the child with is an complete a$$hole. Even tough I am stricly against positive discrimination towards women when it comes to children, I think it's best to start writing that letter to your lawyer.

I am not sure if you are aware but it is
very difficult to remove parental rights. There needs to be documented abuse or neglect of a child, otherwise judge wouldn't deny child time with her father.

In fact if mother demands removal of parental rights with no foundation, she comes across as unreasonable and confrontational. Judges often decide things that are opposite of what's expected, judge might say child is better off with the dad or order joined custody.

Typically if there is no abuse and neglect, courts would not care who parents date or sleep with. It has nothing to do with parenting. They aren't a couple and are free to date others. Unless it interferes with parenting most of the time there is nothing could be done. OP might request that when child is there his girlfriend won't sleep over, maybe it will be granted or maybe not, but you can't demand her not come around during the day.

Also we don't know if his girlfriend asked or didn't ask about the baby or where it came from.

Most certainly this man is a total jerk but it's usually not enough to determine him unfit father in the eyes of the kaw.

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I'm still convinced its the wife or even future wife.


It makes more sense that she's open to bonding with your daughter if she's in it for the long haul with this man.


A gf or booty call would in all likely hood avoid "the child of infidelity" like the plague, whereas a wife would try and be accepting as this child will always be in her life too.


Good call on ditching him completely, at least one of you has to respect you, so it may as well be you.


Lord knows he's showing you none.

I agree. They might not be married but they are clearly a couple as she is there when the baby is there. Random hookups wouldn't be there all the time when kids are there and certainly wouldn't be changing kids diapers.

I actually know a couple where the wife forgave an affair and accepted his child resulting from the affair, in fact child lives with them full time. ( they have one kid together and the other one from his affair). The child used to live with mom half time but then courts gave dad full custody. ( they are very nice family, it's my student, his younger sister is from dads affair).

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[~Christina]

Oh wow ..

Okay, I didn't realize you have so many threads with trouble you are having with the baby's father....

I won't reply to all of them, Just focus on your child... stop sleeping him get tested for STD's.

Respect yourself more. If you and him can't come to agreements on visitation and whatnot then you need to get a moderator or social worker involved so Boundaries can be set for both you and in writing so they will be followed.

Good luck