Just trying to work things out in my head.

Ok so little background. I was my moms major enabler, I was her shoulder to cry on, she called me every day after I moved out. It ended bad, I had to go no contact. Now I'm just trying to work things out in my head, get a little why, a little confidence in my choices. So I'm gonna hash up old things her just to get them out.

My husband is in the military and we moved to a new base. This base has off base, base housing as an option. We took that because it was available at the time. Well the day we moved in out neighbors had music blasting. Oh and the houses were a town house style so 3 houses attached to each other. I wrote it off maybe they were cleaning or just goofing off we all blast music from time to time. The house was small, my yard was smaller. It might have been 20 square feet, with a large tree in the middle and a shed in the yard. The first week I was there, I was greeted to a huge bull dog peeing on the tree in the center of my yard. I go out and leash him, walk him home, to be told oh I just let him run free he's fine..... Um he was peeing on half my yard, at the time I had a baby daughter I don't want playing in your dogs pee! Plus I have 2 dogs I don't know how your dog will be with mine. I internalized all these thoughts but was still pissed when the guy shut his door on me with out even a thank you for retuning the dog. The yards had 2 side privacy fences but no back fence. Then the parties started. My next door neighbors started throwing loud al night parties every weekend and sometimes during the week. They would wake up my daughter, who wasn't a year old at the time. One night I went out to get some air, I was pregnant at the time so I would be up at all hours of the night. I sat on my porch to witness what looked like a scene out of a college campus. People heavily intoxicated running around my parking lot. Banging on doors, fighting. I went back inside. During the day anytime I would try to sit in the yard or my porch with my daughter I would hear the same neighbors talking. They would be talking about me. At the time we were watching my friends dog until she got settled over seas so we were breaking the pet policy rules. 3 pets instead of 2. I was out sides and I hear the wife say to her mother. How many pets do they have, the. The mother says at least 3. They then describe my dogs. This was after a huge party they had that woke up me and my daughter. I took it as you call on our parties we will call on your dogs. The neighborhood was just not where I wanted to be. I took my daughter to the park one only to discover teens smoking on the toddler play ground. All this on top of a depression I was in. My son was not planned and I get horribly sick for the first 7 months of pregnancy. I can barley take care of myself and now I had a baby to take care of. My mother was piling on the guilt that I know how I got pregnant, I wasn't going to be sick, it was all in my head. Then she came out to "help" I should have told her to stay home. Anyways I told her how much I didn't like the area my husband called the place the "ghetto". My mom some how took this to be a reflection on my house keeping and feared I would be called racist for moving. I listened to her and stayed in this house. Then the fight happened and I stopped contact with my mom. Then some one tried to break into my car. That was the last of it. I don't know who tried to break into my car but I was dying in that place. I had just had my son. We never left the house. My husband talked to the housing office and we were moved on base.

The move was rough at first. My husband did it mostly himself. I was only 3 weeks postpartum. We had two small kids but we got the house moved in. I put my "picket fence" around my small flower garden and my tree out front. We have a fence that my dogs can go out in. Wood floors! Not the crappy carpet. We have a front yard a side yard and a back yard. My husband can now walk to work, I met some people in the neighborhood with kids my kids age. The play group I can walk to with my kids. We can walk to the grocery store, the thrift store, the park. I have actually made friends with people from other parts of my old neighborhood now that I have the confidence to leave the house. I can honestly say I am happy in this house. It's old the addition was put on weird. It's a duplex and it has ants that I have to fight all the time lol but I'm happy here. Now why did my mom put so much pressure on me to stay in a house I hated, in a neighborhood that was not good for my family. I just don't get it. She took it personally, like my moving was somehow a reflection on herself. She took my husbands criticism of the neighborhood as a reflection on me.

I'm sorry I just don't understand. This is a woman who if I had a bad day at work would tell me to quit, but I was in this bad situation and instead of saying see if you can get another place, it might be better. She told me to tough it out and got mad at my husband for not wanting to live on basically a college campus. I know it's still bad over there, I have neighbors now that lived in the same house I did. The wife actually confronted the couple that lived there. Her daughter had an ear infection, it took her hours to get her to sleep and 30 mins after she fell asleep they started partying. They woke up her daughter and she was mad. She said she went next door calmed herself while she was knocking and just said, "hey my daughter is sick, can you please keep the music down" well that started an argument that led to her being pushed. I'm glad I followed my instincts and didn't go over. I was pregnant or else I would have and I wouldn't have been nice about it.

Anyways that was a bad time in my life. But I just don't understand why my mother thought I needed to suffer thru that, to be greatful for what I had. I was very greatful to have a house but sometimes things don't work out and you have to make a change.

Ok that was just a long post, I've been using this site as a journal. Get my toughts out of my head and move on.

Thank you all who read.

Hey
Glad to hear everything is running smooth. Any chances that you still talk to your mother?
I would ask her what was she thinking and why did she wanted me to stay there. From then, i could see the problem much better, regardless of her answer.
I tend to have similar situations with my parents, telling me to do stuff i don't want, besides also listening to them and actually DOING stuff i don't want in order to help them.
So... This is my humble advice, ask, but pay attention in her answer and how does she answer
Cheers and good luck