Child support

Just seeking advice and wondering if i should take my childs father to court. Although he buys her clothes i feel like its not enough. Im basically working and trying to keep the household together. I brought it to his attention but he says that his job isnt to pay my rent. I mean im paying rent and all the bills and giving my mom money when i can to watch her daughter since he doesnt give me money for her to be in a daycare. when my daughter is low on pampers and wipes i tell him she is in need of them and he tells me i will bring them tomorrow, then tomorrow comes and he doesnt bring them. I feel he is a grown *** man and shouldnt be reminded of what his daughter needs. I am very overwhelmed financially and im struggling to make ends meet. Just dont know what should i do next. I really wished he could understand my points of view because i hate to have to miss days off work to be in a court for bs.

he has no choice in this. if he is the father he is obligated. In some cases fathers are responsible enough to do what they should be but in other cases, as it seems here, they want to pay as little as possible. As long as you enable him to make the choice himself he will continue to opt out of helping out more.

Yes. If it is established he is the father, and she is with you the majority of the time, get a court order, have it calculated, and if necessary they will take it from his paycheck if he doesn't pay up what is owed. I think that's mostly standard across all the states, assuming you are in the US .

He has to pay child support by law. Whatever court order says not what he says. I am not sure why you are referring to this as bs. Child support is something your child is entitled to.

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I think she meant bs as in having to be in court to go through all this to get him to pay up.

I know but if he isn't paying, then it's a serious thing. Certainly worth it to take days off work. Child is already two but child support still hasn't been established. Got to take it seriously.

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yeah I know. I kind of tried to make the point of this that it's not something he can just choose to opt out of. afaik between two states I've lived and looked it up in - could be around $400 to $600 a month per child.

Yes. You should take him to court.

Exactly. He has to pay! Ex and I never went trough courts. I think at the end it worked out well and fair and we always got along. But there were times when it was problematic with how my ex handled things. For example as she got older he decided it was a good idea to deposit money on our kids personal account rather than giving it to me not specifying it was child support and was not her allowance. Mind she was excited to blow hundreds of dollars in a book store in one weekend lol. Luckily he quickly corrected it. Then sometimes he would pay way over the amount but then way less, claiming that it evens out. Overall it was a hassle. We only managed co parenting because we always got along. Otherwise it's very difficult. I think especially if parents don't get along it's better to go through official channels, courts and so on.

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I think my issue is that im letting my feelings and emotions get in the way of us trying to coparent. I hate the fact that all he considers me as is his baby mother when from the start i told him i didnt want to be a single mother or baby mother. I wanted us to be a family, i visioned us being together and maybe one day getting married but everything happens for a reason and im taking the necessary steps in becoming a better woman. thank you all for the feedback.

I agree with your emotions and what you mentioned before about having closure. dont' rely on others to give you closure. you close the door when they prove that they are not going to give you that. It's not as easy when this is the case but I think it is sorely needed here. I think it you can detach yourself from the idea that being a family is never going to happen and you accept it, all the rest will fall into place

Yes amen i totally agree, its been 4 years of the same crap and i cant see myself wasting anymore time life is too short. I know i deserve better and like they say there is plenty of other fish in the sea lol thanks everyone.

Focus on making sure he is properly taking care of a child but don't worry about him being in your personal life. He isn't worth it. As long as he is a decent father

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I might sit down and write up an informal agreement. Start with about $450.00 per month(or maybe more based on the information below) and spell out when it is to be paid by. If he needs to break it down into smaller payments, then arrange that. Tell him it is his legal obligation and the money is not for you, it is for your child. She is the one legally entitled to it.

If he won't sign, then tell him you are going to take him to court and you will ask for more. And you will ask for him to pay all associated costs because he is not being cooperative. Of course, you will only get what is decided, based on both of your incomes. I might try to garner information about what he makes before you approach him so you will have some standing with the court if he tries to get paid under the table after you file. I found the following for your state:

As an example, let’s say you have the majority of physical custody of your one child and you make $20,000, while the other parent makes $30,000. After adding your incomes ($50,000), the court multiples that total by a percentage per child, or “child support percentage.” These percentages are:
•17% of the combined parental income for one child,
•25% of the combined parental income for two children,
•29% of the combined parental income for three children,
•31% of the combined parental income for four children, and
•no less than 35% of the combined parental income for five or more children.

In our example, the court would multiply $50,000 x .17 = $8,500. That product ($8,500) is the basic child support obligation. You would be responsible for 40% of that figure ($3,400) because your income ($20,000) makes up 40% of the combined parental income ($50,000). The other parent would be on the hook to pay 60% ($5,100). This means that the other parent would have to make payments to you over the course of the year that add up to $5,100. Because you have physical custody most of the time, the court will presume that you are spending your share directly on your child’s expenses.

In addition to the basic child support obligation, the court may tack on additional payments to cover child care costs if the custodial parent is working or going to school and for the child’s reasonable health care expenses. These payments are prorated at the same percentage as the support obligation (using our example, 40% and 60%). The court may also order payment for the child’s education.

You HAVE to do this for your child. Please don't wait. He may end up owing back support and will be ordered by the court to pay it. Then what? He won't have it and you will have a bigger mess on your hands. It is your job as her mother to collect child support! Good luck and big hug.

Go through the court system as that way his child support will be taken from his paychecks before he even gets it. This way you wont hear the excuses " Ill give it to you next week, Oh my car broke down, I just cant pay it I need _____ .

Hannabee Gave you great advice and numbers to think of that will help you when you file the papers for child support. Asking him to do whats right is never going to happen.. Also its typical for child support to increase each year as you both will be asked to provide income information.

Just go file the papers. The cost of raising a child only gets higher as they get older.

He should be paying child support: you have your child's portion of rent and food to pay for, school and extracurricular fees, etc.

Your daughter's dad is failing to see that his daughter must live somewhere and that involves rent or a mortgage payment--you are providing a home for his child. Take him to court and get it legal and in writing. It is for her protection and yours. He should carry life insurance too, and she should be the beneficiary.

The life insurance part is not a requirement, though. would be nice but even people who are active parents don't always carry life insurance. To require an ex to carry it for the child is just not something that can really be enforced.

My husband is required to provide health insurance for his son also. I would ask for that along with child support and daycare expenses.
In my parents agreement, they each had to pay $2500 per year of college for each kid and that went directly to us.

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I'll never forget one of my friends years ago became a widow suddenly, unexpectedly and was left with three children under age 10 to raise. Her husband had carried no life insurance. Dad in this case may get life insurance as a benefit of his job; he can make sure mom/child are the beneficiaries. People who are "active parents" of minor children should have life insurance in my opinion. And just about anything can be made a "requirement" if both parties agree to it and the court allows it.

There are a number of ways of supporting a child financially. I received a lump sum each month that in no way paid for what I figured was half of their 'upkeep'. My sister-in-law's support worked in such fashion as she submitted reciepts to her ex's lawyer each month - including rent - and the father had to reimburse her for half. Meanwhile, when I was with my second spouse he had to pay support in addition to the mortgage of his ex - and he had equal custody. And then my brother has to pay his ex alimony despite him having custody of the four children. I don't understand why there can be such a variance in the same province. It seems entirely to do with how good one's lawyer is.

I agree with justafriend. There seems to be a huge discrepancy. And yes it's all about how vicious is your lawyer

My fiancée pays a huge amount of alimony to his able bodied ex who refuses to work. She has college decree and kids are long grown. Her lawyer argued that since she never worked she will need several years to be able to get on her feet. They always struggled and even had to declare bankruptcy ( so it's not like she didn't work because he made a lot) but she still wouldn't work. We still have several years left of paying. He also was required to pay for her lawyer fees because she had no job but he is professionally employed. She was the one who left him and the one to file for divorce. None makes sense.

There is some other thread here where woman with kids makes three times less than her ex yet she needs to move out and rent the apartment with the kids while he will be living in the house with his lover, it's all before they even got divorce finalized. This is nuts

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The whole system is crazy.
Some judges are mothers rights, or father rights. Some lawyers drag on cases to get every billable hour they can.
My county offers mediation which helps people who cant afford lawyers and before it goes to a judge.
But as a parent myself, if i was in a situation involving my kids, id do and pay whatever i needed to, to help them be happy, healthy, and cared for.

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