[jcl76]

Hi,

A little back story on me. I was diagnosed with BPD about 3 years ago. Life was a struggle before and being aware, DBT, etc have brought me a very long way. My doctor said on a scale of 1-10 of severity I'm about a 3 so most of my struggles are mainly internal some but overall I'm doing great. When relationships end that is my main problem but in a relationship I bring a lot of great qualities to the table that girl love. I haven't been in a relationship since I have been diagnosed mainly because I wanted to work on myself and be patient so when I am, I do it right, and in a healthy way.

Having said that, I've met someone. We have only been on 2 dates (she invented me to church on our 2nd) but we habe both said that we feel like we've reconnected with a long lost friend, and have a great connection. Both of us have stayed let's just keep getting to know one another day to day and let's let it all play out and enjoy it. It's been a long time since I've met someone that I connect with as I have been very selective and not entered any Unhealthy relationships I have always have in my past.

Now her is the main question I have. When, if do I tell her about my BPD? We already have talked a little and I've told her I have a little bit of a rough patch in my life and so has she. I still take A med. Lamictal which I'm not ashamed of at all and it's great, and I plan on seeing a new doctor, therapist, and DBT group (just moved to town). If I ever have to say I can't hang out Wednesday, and can't lie if she ask why, but don't want to be vague and aloof about it either.

I have mentioned that I don't want to rush into anything intimate for a while until we get to know each other (big problem in the past), but feel I need to open about it before we do.

Anyone have experience or advice to share?

[divine1966]

In my opinion telling her some time between date 3 and 5 is the best.

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[Trippin2.0]

Well, DBT group is easy, all you say in the beginning is that you're attending a support group for people who have similar struggles or experiences (depending on what exactly you've told her so far)... You don't have to mention the acronym.


As for when? Well that's unfortunately up to you to decide.

Most people would argue the earlier the better, but I would argue that it depends on a few variables, especially since we're talking a PD, there's a difference between axis 1 and axis 2 diagnoses for a reason.


Me personally?

It's easy to blurt out that I have Bipolar, I don't care much for any preconceived notions or stigmas others may have about an illness I suffer from.


But besides my bf, members here and treatment providers, not a soul knows I have a BPD dx too.


Mainly because it affects my bf directly, I vent or seek advice here, and treatment providers obviously need to help me and its simply nobody else's damn business.


But the other side of that coin is the fact that since its a personality disorder others might and probably will a) treat me like a pariah and b) not realize how manageable it can be, kind of like a life sentence of some kind.


Soooo long story short.


Tell her when it feels right, when it can, will or does affect her, but don't wait until you're walking down the aisle.


But give her enough of a chance to get to know you without any labels attached. That way she already has a good idea of who you are, minus the possible complications that accompany your personality.


I had the perfect opening with my bf, I was having a classic bpd push pull meltdown over the phone and he didn't understand how or why he was seemingly just making things worse.


So I sent him an email with a BPD fact sheet titled "Its more than bipolar"


I was honestly expecting to be dumped that night.


Instead he drove all the way to my house to hug me and tell me we're gonna be alright.


Best of luck to you

[jcl76]

Thank you. I appreciated your input.

That's the Balance I need. If I tell before we get into a full blown relationship and she said she can't handle that, then it sux. Earlier before emotions get involved seems the best route.

Her Ex husband was military and had PTSD and the reason for the divorce.

Hearing me dealing with it what you read it about on the internet doesn't really fit now that I come a long way. My therapist says she can see me being in DBT for 2 rounds. About a year. Hopefully that will kinda soften the blow of any

[Ocean Swimmer]

I never tell anyone.
It's not like it's contagious.
Sometimes the revelation is good only for the revealer.

[scorpiosis37]

I agree with telling between dates 3 and 5. My ex was BPD but didn't tell me until well into the relationship and I felt extremely betrayed. I knew something was going on from her actions and the way she treated me, but she denied she had any mental health issues for over a year. It led to our break-up. My biological mom had BDP and was extremely abusive and it defined by childhood. Dating someone with the same condition as my mom just isn't something I can handle. However, there are other conditions I have no problem dealing with in a partner. Everyone has their own history and has different things they can handle (and not handle). I think a potential partner has the right to know that before getting into a committed relationship.

[healingme4me]

It's probably better to share during a time when you are both laying out your personal truths. The fact that you are treating it, speaks volumes. Explain what it means for you and if it will or won't affect her. It's honesty in creating your relationship's foundation as to why bringing it up will matter.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

I never tell anyone.
It's not like it's contagious.
Sometimes the revelation is good only for the revealer.

I am getting married soon and would be devastated to find out my fiancée has mental illness he didn't disclose. Sure revelations aren't needed for casual dating but if are looking for someone to make life commitment I believe things like health conditions are to be revealed

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