[MikeNessMonster]

Hi all,
I'm experiencing a bit of a predicament. I'm 24, almost 25 dating a much older man who has a son he has custody of 2 weekends a month. We've been together for three years now. It has been a somewhat rocky relationship in the past due to his behavior with coping with his anxiety, but of has cleared up as of the last few months, and I feel we are even closer because of it. I'm happy with him, and we are both very much in love.

The issue is that I've been planning to move out of state ever since I moved here to go to college 7 years ago, but am finally finding myself in a position where I could actually take the leap. On top of that, I have a health condition that makes of very difficult to function in the cold winter here. Two years ago I talked to my boyfriend about moving away and he told me in a year we could seriously think about moving. Two years have gone by. He told me three years when his son was 12, one year ago. Now, last night I brought it up again. He basically told me unequivocally that he wasn't going to move for another four or five years until his son is I'm high school! I told him I'd be 30 by that time and that I couldn't wait, and he just told me to do what made me happy.

That seems pretty definitive doesn't it? He always has am excuse for why it will keep taking exponentially many more years. I don't want to leave him, but this is my dream. I also don't want to take him away from his son, but it would have to be his decision based on how much he could visit with him. I feel as though he told me if I wanted to go, I would have to go without him.

What do you guys think?

[A Red Panda]

You're essentially asking him to choose between you and his son. He wants to be involved with his son, and as he doesn't have full custody moving away will mean he will see his son significantly less.

It's not so fun that he's basically strung you along. But really.... You asked him to move after you'd only been together for a year. Then again after two years.

You've been together for three years now. So you ask him once a year?

What's more important to you - him or moving? That's what your decision has to be. It's not really fair to ask someone to leave their children behind just to follow you.

He has decided that his first priority is his son - which is great! He obviously does love you since he has wanted to consider it, but his son is his first. Which is normal for a lot of parents.

[Trippin2.0]

I agree with Red.


I would follow my bf to the ends of the earth, but that's because my daughter is mine, I don't share custody with her sperm donor.


If i had to choose time and access to my child over my bf, i would definitely choose my child, and that's not because I don't love my bf enough, she just comes first. As she should.


If you want to move then move, you knew he was tied to his vicinity when you started dating him, so this predicament is on both of you.


You can either stay, sever the relationship or attempt long distance until he can move, as a LDR is essentially what you're asking him to have with his son. So its not too much to ask of you, as a relationship goes both ways..... In my opinion anyway.

[divine1966]

Since he has a minor child it's only normal for him not moving away. At 24 I would just do what's right for you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Bill3]

I feel as though he told me that if I want to go, I would have to go without him.

Yes. That is what he is telling you.

Take the leap.

You will become resentful if you do not.

Just my opinion. Good luck whatever you decide to do.