Coping with a decision to end a toxic relationship

I've been in a 3 year relationship with a person whom I have loved but am totally drained from our often chaotic, suspicious, accusatory relations. For some reason, he feels a need to watch over my every move. From following me, showing up unexpectedly and cyber stalking me. I keep trying to assert my boundaries. I need help as to what to do going forward.

Are you completely sure he's "spying" you?
Don't get the question wrong, but i mean, there's not a lot of information you put in there hehe.
Talk to him about how do you feel with the situation, if he doesn't accept it, well... Be carefull, because it's a big red flag.

Welcome also

Hello Txcamd: I don't know as I have any particularly useful suggestions for you here. (Perhaps this is simply a relationship that has run its course?) But I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Thank you! ...and yes, I know that he is spying me. He stalks my social media, and then confronts me with questions of why I liked this post, and " who is so-and-so"? His attitudes in those moments of suspiciousness is alarming and very uncomfortable to me. Within the last month he knew I had a hair appointment at a salon, and after I didn't answer my phone ( it was inside my purse in a drawer while I was having highlights done), he came in and confronted me while my hairdresser was there. He accused me of being on my phone with someone and ignoring his calls. Categorically not the case! Over the past 3 years it's been this type of examples that have me burned out and wishing to be alone to process the chaos, along wit living again without that feeling of walking on eggshells. I love the man, and there's a side to him that's kind, caring, and funny... Yet this jealous and scary behavior has slowly become 80% normal. Thank again for your advice!!!!

hi Txcamd,

I'm not a professional & this is not a good situation to be in (although a common one for a lot of folks!)
You may have answered your own question. If its toxic & draining, then its only a matter of time till much hits the fan.

Maybe you can ask him for some time to (mentally) sort things out? Or a therapist to work with? There is too much stuff happening here for you to really gain clarity. You have to step away from it to see what you're dealing with &/or get help for the same reason (been there (but children were involved, so it wasn't solved immediately )

Wish you luck

I would suggest to leave the relationship, especially since it definitely sounds very unhealthy and unsafe. If there is no trust there is nothing hope you guys can find peace with the separation and maybe be better off as friends or nothing at all. But its so scary that he is showing up like that wow!but yeah leave now before its too late.

I would strongly suggest leaving... I had a bf like this and I was too young and ignorant to know these draining tendencies were major flags. He was my first bf, so I just thought he was more high maintenance than usual.


In year 4 he became threatening whenever I spoke of taking a break to clear my head or wanting to split up, and in year 5 he beat me to a pulp.


That's when I finally left.


I would suggest a swift, sudden and silent exit.


Just so that there's no reaction time for him, which is in turn safer for you.