[therapyishelping777]

I haven't been on here too long, a few weeks and I'd like to post about family of origin issues but I can't really find a category it would fit under..

My mom ALWAYS triggers me as well as any time spent with blood family.. they always "disqualify" me.. my experiences, my positives, my needs, whatever.. I'm always pushed down to not matter or barely exist.. I don't get it.. and it frustrates me and angers me.. and hurts..

I hate spending my therapy session crying about my family of origin.. ugh..

[Bill3]

I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.



This forum seems a good choice, there are often discussions of relationships with parents, siblings, other relatives here.

[Skeezyks]

Hello therapyishelping777: Probably this forum (Relationships & Communication) is your best bet. There are other possibilities though. These could include Survivors of Abuse or Coping with Emotions. You are correct though. There is not a particular forum dedicated to family-of-origin issues.

By the way, I think I know something about what you're getting at here. The members of my extended family-of-origin, were the kings of the put-down. And I bore the brunt of a lot of it. I had an uncle who liked to refer to me as: "the garbage can". ("Step on his foot & his mouth opens.") To be completely honest, though, I wasn't the recipient of all of it. He used to say of his wife (my aunt) that she was "dead from the a__ both ways..."

[unaluna]

Fooey on FOO. Last night i dreamt i was talking to my mother on the phone. Some nonsense conversation as usual. Shes only been dead a year. So even when its over, its never over.

Skeezyx - dead both ways? What did that even mean??!

Hey,

It's really OK to spend therapy time talking about how your FOO are hurting you. They are hurting you and I hope your T gives you support and validation.

You matter, despite how your FOO is treating you.

[BipolarMama31]

Im sorry

My family invalidates me constantly.
Theres always a 'good job, BUT...'

I told my mom that when she said xyz it made me feel invalidated. She said to me, i am who i am and im not going to change. So now i just accept them and keep them at a distance. I protect my emotions when we talk.
I know how you feel. And its an awful feeling. Like your living your life to meet someone elses expectations. Therapy helped me see that.

I hope you find peace

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk

[therapyishelping777]

Thanks all! yeah , they all just trigger me, especiallly my narcisstic mom.. My Therpist is awesome and has helped me through this ALOT.. I guess sometimes you gotta have those, I'm crying because I'm utterly rejected by my family sessions.. I feel much better after todays session

[Marylin]

I was going to ask are your family narcissists.You can't get on with them if they are,they don't care for you or let your feelings matter or count.They only have you around to meet their needs so long as they get what they want from you,and in the process of making sure you are around to cater to their needs they need to run you down, take away your self esteem and make you dependent on them.I became a lesser being,my identity lost,my strength gone,I was living in my sister's shadow she was making me physically and mentally ill.Go no contact while you have your physical health and some sanity left.Or else they will take it all and literally leave you for dead!
I feel for you I really do!

[therapyishelping777]

My mom is totally Narcissist.!! as well probably 2 of my siblings to a degree but not as much as mom. I know my therapist says I have to change my expectations and know they don't have that empathy and basically what you said.. its just so hard when I want to believe the best in people I try again, and same darn thing happens and I get hit with the fact again ,,,, she is a grand narcissist!!! ugh.

[Marylin]

I know how hard it is that constant slap in the face,it is hard not to keep trying for the reaction you really want from your narcissist mum which is for her to love you and recognize your needs.It is sad she will never do that.Don't feel bad going back for more of the same,I did for 35 years and kept getting abuse,eventually you will see the game of narcissistic supply and demand is too much abuse for anyone person with a heart and soul to take,you either get out or they do you serious damage and leave you for dead.I hope you have the strength to leave before you get too badly hurt,therapyishelping!

[unaluna]

Dont make me tell the pony story again!

About the little boy who was such an optimist, his parents said we have to cure him of this for his own good. So for his birthday they got him a room full of poop. He was STILL happy! Digging thru it, he exclaimed, "with all this manure, theres gotta be a pony in here somewhere!"

Thats me / us - always hoping for a good outcome, a real sign of caring.

[therapyishelping777]

I told my narcissist mom "no I wasn't coming on the "family vacation" for the 5th time. they always treat me like 3/4th class citizens , ignore me etc, the few times I've went.. NO THANKS....We are going on our own... fun vacation where everybody matters!!!

And my daughter just had oral surgery 5 teeth pulled, does my mom ask how she is diong? call? anything.. nope.. if it was my siblings kids , she'd be all over it, bringing them ice cream and plastering them on FB..

[Bill3]

I told my narcissist mom "no I wasn't coming on the "family vacation" for the 5th time. they always treat me like 3/4th class citizens , ignore me etc, the few times I've went.. NO THANKS....We are going on our own... fun vacation where everybody matters!!!

Good choice!

How is your daughter doing?

[therapyishelping777]

Doing well!! Actually much better than I thought, thanks Bill! Its just so frustrating... I hate that when i see pics of my own mom it irritates and angers me.. .. there is so much there,, I have a good therapist and a life coach both helping me through dealing with her and my family. I've come a pretty long way the last 6-7 months. somehow it always hurts at least a little.. but understanding is a huge thing...

[unaluna]

I finally said to myself - i dont know why she thinks she hates me so much. Maybe she just really IS that shallow. Maybe her and my dad played favorites with us kids and she is still playing. Whatever reason she has, i dont care to know it. It cant be a good one. Nothing that would make sense to me.