Love Your Spouse Challenge

There are some whacky couples who get divorced, remarry, and get divorced, and remarry! When is it really over?

My gf, who I have gone years without speaking to several times over our life-long friendship, because she says horrible things to me said something that's ringing in my ears. She said "Nobody wanted to be divorced more than you."

She's implying that I really wanted to end my relationship and have done everything in my power to make that happen.

My h says I found his Achilles heel and focused on that letting it drive me to the moon.

BPD traits are to push love away then desperately try to keep it from leaving.

I'm so numb I just don't even know any more.

Can you believe all I am asking for is for my h to initiate sex with me in a way that turns me on- for example, when we get into bed together to go to sleep, he should kiss and hold me and rub my body, taking passion further until some sparks ignite. That's all I was ever asking for!

I am a crying wreck today. Haven't eaten, crying all day, miserable. I can't really work. I don't really function. I have to look presentable in two hours to meet one customer for an appointment. All I have to do is look somewhat normal. I don't even really have to speak.

So much for the Love Your Spouse Challenge! Couldn't have five good days.

At least I am coping a bit better by not taking any drugs. I need the Love Yourself Challenge!

so make one! That's not entirely a bad idea *hug*

i hope things work out for you. good luck

Hi, I am not married myself but there must be marriage counselors that deal with the sexual aspects of a marriage, would you and he be willing to explore something like that? or maybe learning how to roleplay? grasping at straws now but I want to help, u sound so distraught over this. I feel bad for you.

I've struggled determining whether to respond to this or not. What I have to say may not be received well, and if that is the outcome, then I'll regret posting it. My heart is in the right place though, please believe that; I am responding in an effort to give a perspective that may help.

Everyone in the world wants one simple thing - to be happy. Happiness comes from inside or not at all. I hear and honor the pain that you are feeling right now, but your husband cannot fix that. Only you can.

For you, finding happiness may take ending the relationship. It may take changing your perspective. The good news is that the choice you make is entirely under your control.

*trigger warning for mentioning sexual abuse - nothing explicit*

I don't offer the following to say that my way is the right way - everyone's needs are different, but for perspective. My wife and I haven't even attempted to have sex for years. We haven't shared an open mouthed kiss for years. I have described our relationship and my role (to myself) as her father who doesn't have sex with her. She dissociated during every attempt at sex we have ever had - and as someone who has a dissociative disorder myself, it's pretty hard to watch. Sex triggers her and frankly, I have little interest in having sex for the sake of sex. If we were to share sexual intimacy, I would need her to stay in the room - and she is incapable of doing so at this time. After this many years I'm thinking that sex is not going to be one of the issues she ever gets around to addressing. Fact is, there are other issues that are more life threatening to work on and so sex is relegated to a back burner.

There is a reason your husband will not act as you want him to in bed. I have no idea what those reasons are. Perhaps he is an abuse survivor himself and is incapable of talking about it - not a unique situation with men. Maybe he is selfish - not a unique situation with humans. Maybe he doesn't know how, he doesn't 'get it' and your explanations are Greek to him. Maybe...

But at the end of the day, maybe it doesn't matter why. He doesn't fill that void in your life for whatever reason and it is almost certainly not about you - it's about him. Can you accept him as he is or not without the promise of future change? Can you accept him as he is or not, without the possibility of change in the future?

Because it does sound like you are driving yourself crazy trying to figure out how to change him...and that is out of your control. It doesn't mean that he won't change - but you can't do it.

Excellent post

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I agree.

Know what else? My impression of the Challenge, after seeing which of my friends were initially first, was that it was actually more of a Christian based initiative. My nephew and his wife gain the benefits of their church offering classes and various events and to cherish one another for...7...days is what they and those around them did.

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So you saw people doing The Challenge on FB, too? I only posted one photo of my h and me and never tagged anyone else. I am paranoid that all those posts that ask others to tag others and repost are just a way for someone to get information about you and your fb friends. So I never do those cut/paste repost things or forward group emails. I'm paranoid about computer security.

I have seen a bunch of these. I don't blame you for feeling the way that you do. I've plenty of friends that long ago generically mentioned not to tag. I even have the tags setting for approval before it goes through.

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