[Yismymindblank12]

I've tried to be civil and courteous, but I don't like people here in this part of Texas, they are very easy to set off kind of people. They are self indulgent and entitled to everything even if it doesn't belong to them.
It frustrates me that people actively show how much they are selfish.
I've seen it everywhere before but here it's worse somehow, the fact I cannot make any friends here feeling completely unloved and I lost a potential family I could of had. I am supposed to have a child many miles away, that I'll never get to see. My ex gave up on me, entirely...

Did I deserve this? Was my choices and things I had no choice in were to blame in the feelings I should be feeling, because **** happens.

Is it when I'm abused or beaten or when I was dying I shouldn't feel anything, because **** happens.

Like I'm some piece of trash. It's gotten so bad, I am willing to change my gender change everything about me, because I don't want to be me.

It hurts tremendously I've done everything to care for others and always got the short end.

My parents never comforted me when I was truely this sad, they tried to suppress it. I can't tell you how many horrible things happened in my life and I was supposed to brush it off as it was nothing that my feelings were nothing.

It's set a life long precedent of feeling empty no matter where I'm at.

I hate here I have no one to talk to in person. Like I didn't so much to an extent before, but here no chance in hell. I'll have the close friends I have made here. People quit too easily to care... I've shut down and wanted to be loved for me and damn I can't see it happening here. I don't have my dog to hug he's dead since april and feeling this is how it felt when my best friend told me he hated me and never wanted to hear from me again just before he died. I can't tell you how much shame and guilt I feel thrown onto me I can't take it anymore.
I lost two children of mine 1 by an abortion and now my second by me moving before I'm "hoping" she is born.
I was treated in this manner being neglected when I go through a very big tragedy or very traumatic experience physically and mentally always treated as early as 4 I didn't matter.

I desperately seek the love I needed from people I wanted it the most. It's becoming too much to handle. I've been starved from love and I'm out of energy I'm just reckless to be reckless I don't feel my life is going anywhere even though I do my hardest to convince myself I can get through all of it, before something else hits me.

[Miswimmy1]

I am sorry that you feel so invalidated. It sounds like you are really going through a rough patch You do matter and you are special. And you deserved to be happy and feel loved.

[Yismymindblank12]

Thank you... I'm in a lot of physical pain because of my disorder and it makes this all much worse. My muscles tense up to very tight degrees and it feels very painful. It can happen internally too.

I have lots of tremors associated with this disorder and they can get much more violent now over the years. I'm fearing one day I can't make my parents proud of me or anyone, because of this disorder.

I know I sound crazy, but my mom got upset for being in this pain. My ex got mad at her and hated her for it.

It's apparent how much others pull me around like I'm a ragdoll for their own devices to using me. I don't ask for it and I'm not passive about it, I just am finding myself always in this position of helplessness when I'm at the mercy of someone else not by choice.

My beliefs toppled on me about my child. I am so worried how I'll never be mentioned or even hopefully get a chance to have any involvement with my child that will be born next year in February I think or marchish.

This life has been cruel to me and I ask little in return.

I appreciate for what you said.

[divine1966]

If you will have a child you most certainly will have rights to see her/him. Just ask for visitations and you are legally entitled to them. I also hope you will pay child support

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[Trippin2.0]

Have you given any thought to how you've come to find yourself in the same situation over and over?


Reminds me of a Whitney Houston lyric "Same script different cast..."


My thinking is that once you identify it, you will be able to break this cycle of pain and loss.


For example, some of us grew up with abusive, emotionally distant or neglectful parents, then find ourselves repeatedly dating people who recreate that experience or share the same traits as our parents.


Sometimes its because its all we know, sometimes its a comfort zone, and sometimes its because we subconsciously attempt to recreate the past in the hopes that we can change the outcome, and thus heal the trauma...


Sorry, didn't mean to ramble, its just that from reading your threads its evident that you keep finding yourself in very similar situations and I would like for you to be able to free yourself from that.


You deserve happiness and love, just like the rest of us.

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you will have a child you most certainly will have rights to see her/him. Just ask for visitations and you are legally entitled to them. I also hope you will pay child support

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If I'm in the position to do so then yes of course, but we're not there yet. Its still awhile.

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Have you given any thought to how you've come to find yourself in the same situation over and over?


Reminds me of a Whitney Houston lyric "Same script different cast..."


My thinking is that once you identify it, you will be able to break this cycle of pain and loss.


For example, some of us grew up with abusive, emotionally distant or neglectful parents, then find ourselves repeatedly dating people who recreate that experience or share the same traits as our parents.


Sometimes its because its all we know, sometimes its a comfort zone, and sometimes its because we subconsciously attempt to recreate the past in the hopes that we can change the outcome, and thus heal the trauma...


Sorry, didn't mean to ramble, its just that from reading your threads its evident that you keep finding yourself in very similar situations and I would like for you to be able to free yourself from that.


You deserve happiness and love, just like the rest of us.

Thank you.

I believe this is part of it, but I can't seem to get away or find what's different. I've considered to stop relationships all together just to keep me sane.

[divine1966]

Consider seeing a therapist. Mine helped me to break that pattern. Also please consider not having sex without birth control/condom. This is second time you have unplanned pregnancy to deal with.

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