[Maged-84]

we know each other for almost 3 months, me and her work in the same company not same department not working together, I am kind aloof person, she is pretty more sociable and ENGAGED, it started when we talked couple of times, I grew feelings for her intensely and in no time, don't know if she knows it or not but she initiates conversations with me almost daily for hours expressing once that she feels like she knew me long time ago, insisting to know what may bother me asking me not to lie to her, sending gestures that she knows, showing interest, i saw it, others saw it. After one week She told me that I look like I am in love and she knows who i am in love with when i accused her with bluffing she assured me that she knows. Nothing bond us professionally, we even in two different offices and yet she pass by my office almost everyday at the morning to see me and say "Bonjour" with that sweet smile of her and i catch her sometimes giving me fleeting glances and she came and stayed with me at my office couple of times, and most of the rest of the day she is online chatting with me, I don't know if I may call her behavior was sort of flirtatious.

when I confront her with what she does she show disappointment in me and how I see it but she still around and she call it FRIENDSHIP, she sort of clingy when I hopelessly tried to stop this telling her that we cant be "friends" she insisted to know why I cant talk to her after she saw me talking to other ladies. after couple of weeks i have reached my emotional peak and told her how much i love her and now i am on free fall mode, she dodge it but she showed interest, although she denied her knowledge which she assured few weeks ago denying even having a guess which left me very confused almost on the edge of losing my mind doubting my own senses trying to believe her as i didn't know why she would do that, she doesn't need to do that, her responses fluctuated from changing the subject then she blamed me for it, to "may be" then she showed helplessness by not knowing what to do for me and every time i think that this is the end of it but somehow we get back together and start again the endless loop of me having hope every time we are back reestablishing a communication while I expect that she should not and here again she is letting me down. she would accept more to flirt with her and show her how i find her pretty or say something that imply that I love her rather than telling her "I love you" as she told me once she knows but I don't have to tell her. Now she let me express my feelings for her over and over and she expressed that I shouldnt tell her such things so I apologized and I figured out that I am in this process kept on and on for almost a month, which I dont know why.

Now her behavior can be put like this, she rejects me (or in other words she rejected to be in an official relationship with me) but she still wanna talk to me, she once threatened me that she will never talk to me again when i was telling her how much I treasure her and she came the next day and ask me how I am doing and being persistent to keep the relation, she tell me that I should not tell her that I love her while she has no problem being in a relationship with me while she knows I love her and act coy when I say something subtly flirtatious to her (I don't flirt usually), she sometimes mimicking my word for God sake and tell me see we said the same word at the same time as if somehow she implements this deep connection and before I confess my feeling to her she had told me that I matter to her and she said that she tolerates my rudeness (sometimes when I have my moments) like no other, distinguishing me from others, and lately after I told her how I feel for she started to get excuses to touch me like holding my arm or push me in the chest while she was talking to me she even may block my way while I was passing and Once we were not talking she came in where i was and came too close to me narrowing me between her and the shelves that were behind me to get something from there and that was after she had technically rejected me. So technically I am lost to know if its me who seeing things that way because I have feelings for her or its her who for some reason behaving and justifying that way though if so I cant figure out why she would be so mean, or if she just want to know if I really love her before she takes step forward, as I don't know why to risk her relationship with the one she says she is in love with by being implicated in another one full of such troubles or may be somehow she is not aware of what she is doing.

while our ambiguous kind of relationship kept on, i tried again to express discomfort and may be push her away by asking her if she doesn't care if her man know about this, she respond that there is nothing he would be told about!!! I seized a chance that she took few days off for medical reason and didn't contact her, she came back blaming me that I didn't ask about her while everyone else did, she makes it very difficult for me to cut her off, and nothing of what happened bothers her enough to do so. In order not to indulge with more suffocating details, which are many, i hope that this sum it up for you to help me and tell what this is.

what is this ? is she using me ? whats in it for her to be in a relationship like this with all its dispute risking her official relationship ? How isn't she fed up of this ? because I am fed up,

PS. She proclaim that she loves her fience.

Your advice are much appreciated

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm not good with reading really long posts but I just wanted to say hi and welcome!!!

[Talthybius]

Did you offer to meet her in a romantic setting? And that is where she rejected you and told you she has a fience[sic]?

You have this long post describing stuff, then at the end it says 'ps: she loves her fiance'. And halfway you mention that in the stuff you told earlier, she rejected you. I don't see anywhere where you offered her anything and she said 'no'.

If you talk with her for hours, and there is no offer of romance anywhere, you friend-zoned yourself.

As I see it she knows you are infatuated with her. You told her your feelings. You lost most of your bargaining power there.

You also tried to guilt her. You brought up that you think she shouldn't be talking to you as much because of her fiance. Right? What's the point of that? If you think this relationship you are having is wrong, why are you facilitating her? And then blaming her?

You telling her you love her so much and her threatening you to never talk to you again? How mature is all that? Why would you ever tell someone you love her so much when you aren't even in a relationship?

Either way, the way she behaves with you is the way she will behave with other men if you were her BF. At least she isn't cheating on her fiance with you. At least she has principles. But she is kind of wavering.
You can either try to continue with all of this, create more drama, see how principled and mentally strong she is. Or you can tell her you think you had a connection, but you know she isn't available, tell her you would be interested if and only if she were ever available, and back off.

[Maged-84]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

Did you offer to meet her in a romantic setting? And that is where she rejected you and told you she has a fience[sic]?

I asked her out and she told she cant, as I know she should not

[/QUOTE]You have this long post describing stuff, then at the end it says 'ps: she loves her fiance'. And halfway you mention that in the stuff you told earlier, she rejected you. I don't see anywhere where you offered her anything and she said 'no'.[/QUOTE]

I told her that I Love her and wish to spend the rest of my life with her, but she said she doesnt want me to tell her such things as she already know and she doesnt know what to do and she feels that she is doing wrong to her fience but she didnt actually do anything to make it right.

[/QUOTE]You also tried to guilt her. You brought up that you think she shouldn't be talking to you as much because of her fiance. Right? What's the point of that? If you think this relationship you are having is wrong, why are you facilitating her? And then blaming her?[/QUOTE]

I didnt know what to do, I love her but feeling guilty about it already but the way she behaves confuses me, I didnt know what she wants she doesnt want to let me go but she says that she loves her fience what am I suppose to do while she knows that I am in love with her??? may be I was pushing her to make a choice somehow even if that choice was leaving me because I sincerely didnt want to leave her though I tried but wonderfully even what you saw that I am making her feel guilty did not work with her and she degraded the whole issue to its nothing

[NewCommer]

Originally Posted by Maged-84

I asked her out and she told she cant, as I know she should not

You have this long post describing stuff, then at the end it says 'ps: she loves her fiance'. And halfway you mention that in the stuff you told earlier, she rejected you. I don't see anywhere where you offered her anything and she said 'no'.[/quote]

I told her that I Love her and wish to spend the rest of my life with her, but she said she doesnt want me to tell her such things as she already know and she doesnt know what to do and she feels that she is doing wrong to her fience but she didnt actually do anything to make it right.

[/quote]You also tried to guilt her. You brought up that you think she shouldn't be talking to you as much because of her fiance. Right? What's the point of that? If you think this relationship you are having is wrong, why are you facilitating her? And then blaming her?[/quote]

I didnt know what to do, I love her but feeling guilty about it already but the way she behaves confuses me, I didnt know what she wants she doesnt want to let me go but she says that she loves her fience what am I suppose to do while she knows that I am in love with her??? may be I was pushing her to make a choice somehow even if that choice was leaving me because I sincerely didnt want to leave her though I tried but wonderfully even what you saw that I am making her feel guilty did not work with her and she degraded the whole issue to its nothing[/quote]

I personally agree with most stuff that Talthybius said, sorry bro.

FIRST OF ALL, Why is the title of the thread named "I am 25 and She is 26"? I mean, what does age has to do in anything of this?

I've been in similar situations and THE BEST thing you can do is remain as friends. I'm sorry you're going through this, knowing the fact that you felt (And might still feel) a connection, but, What would you do if this woman broke up with her fiancce just for being with you? He's her fiance, not just her boyfriend. You should know this already buddy, she hasn't cheated him fourtunely, but a cheater will allways be a cheater, so, if she cheated him with you, what could stop her from cheating you in any future?

I might be sounding rude already, sorry if i do, really. Maybe it's just her pesonallity, a friendly woman after all.

Last semester i met this girl, pretty, funny, smart and since i first met her, i noticed that we caught up a few glances towards each other. She was new in the class and also a bit shy, so i invited her to join my group (She accepted) and some of these things kept going.
So once i decided to break up theice and have a full conversation with her, and we had a really nice time, BUT she mentioned that she had a boyfriend, so i decided to take some distance since then and... Until now, we still are good friends!

What i mean is, even if the connection is real, it doesn't mean it's meant to be a relationship with romantic interests.

Hope my words could serve you, welcome to PC and be safe

[Talthybius]

Well, she has a fiance and there is nothing in your post indicating that her relationship isn't going well. If it wasn't, you would have put that info in there. So even if you want to sow discontent between the two of them, there doesn't seem much hope for that.

She is probably somewhere in between just having a nice time talking to you and giving you a shot if she were single. But she isn't. Her not leaving her fiance is a choice she is making every day. Yet you tell her 'you Love her and wish to spend the rest of my life with her'. Even if that is true, and that is doubtful as you are just coworkers talking, you really want to fore her to either stop talking to you completely, treat you as if you don't exist, or break up with her fiance?

Say she has a single female friend you happen to meet and like. Why would she recommend you to her for having put all this responsibility on her? What did she do to have to take on this responsibility for your feelings? Just because she decided to have a nice chat with you?

Maybe this is just my way to prefer to deal with everything. But I prefer to carry as much of the responsibility, of the hurting, as possible and to lighten the burden of my romantic interest. Keep it light-hearted and fun for her. People who start to take a liking to you don't suddenly want to deal with 'I will love you for all my life'. Especially not if they are seeing someone else.

[NewCommer]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

People who start to take a liking to you don't suddenly want to deal with 'I will love you for all my life'. Especially not if they are seeing someone else.

It's posible, but she's already engaged, so i don't think any sort of romantic interest should do in this case.
It might be kind of flattering for her, but still, if she's a decent woman, she won't leave her fiance (Asuming there's nothing wrong in the relationship)

[Nammu]

Sounds like she likes attention and likes to flirt.

She is playing games

She is unavailable but pulling on your emotions so I'd suggest telling her you are not comfortable flirting and being toyed with.

Keep your answers short and don't engage her in talk, just be polite.

[~Christina]

Today I just can't write out a long response .....But here goes .

She is engaged, why she's flirting with you and talking how she feels this that and the other things , I call bullshyt on her . She's just a lousy person,

I feel bad for her fiancée , I seriously doubt you are the first person she has done this too,

Bleh ,,. She's playing games! Toss her out of your life

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