I have had enough

Hi. I did NOT start the relationship. He lied to me about being married, he lied to me about filing. I did not find out the truth until I looked him up. I am a nice person. I don't think people lie. I am big to blame.

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You may have not initiated the relationship, but you willingly consented to continuing it without doing the necessary research. Always check the records to verify a man who was married before he met you has finalized the divorce before commencing with the dating. ALWAYS. Saves you a lot of headache in the scheme of things. Consider this a lesson well learned, albeit the hard way.

This is only my second relationship. I would not have known to do that. I don't date. I found him because of his music. It is funny: you blame me , he claims he's not married except for legally, his wife says she wants nothing more then to divorce him. I find it ironic that some people always get angry with me whenever I try to tell my story and blame me. He has a personality disorder. I am a normal person. I would not think a man would lie to me.

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married man means run run run!!!

Ok. He lied about being married before I met him and he lied about filing after we started seeing each other.

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I think I remember this guy and you were happy for a while.

I am sorry for how it turned out, though. I would hang on to the happy memories regardless (and I have real issues with people who lie)...

Hang in there leo.

Thank you Sophie. The happy memories were a lie BUT if he gets divorced perhaps then I can create some REAL happy memories.

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You do realize that he might NOT have a mental illness and is in fact just a lousy shyt
human being... Just saying

I'm sorry, but I don't see him getting his divorce finalized as the solution to all your problems. He's a no good lying cheat. If he lied to you once, why are you still even talking to him? I would have kicked his sorry no good lying behind to the curb a long time ago. No, you'll never create "REAL happy memories" with this looser of a guy. Sorry.

I stand corrected, he has updated his status to separated .

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He does have PTSD, which is a mental illness. I don't know if I subscribe to the philosophy that there are lousy human beings. I believe that everybody or anybody can get better if they want to. He's not a malignant narcissist , that I'm sure of.

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Hey, I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'm real sorry . I like the idea of keeping happy memories with you. You've been friends with him for a looong time waiting for a real relationship. That's a long time to wait .

Him sharing e-mails with his wife reminds me of what married couples do. They tend to share almost everything, even private e-mails

I'm glad you stopped talking to him until he gets a divorce.

You seem like really nice person who just needs some help. I don't really know what to say. But if he hasn't divorced by now, even though he knew you wanted him to, then I don't see what motivation will suddenly make him do it. It seems it might not be a big deal to him if it hasn't happened yet.

Does his wife consider your relationship with him romantic or possibly romantic? Does she support your relationship with him? I hope he isn't using you to rub in her face, but I hope I'm not giving you false worries.

Maybe you'll move on and find a nice guy. If you just wanted a good friend, maybe you could find a good female or male friend in the meantime while waiting for him? You never know what might happen.

Either way, I'm rooting for you. Take care.

I feel sad for you for waiting 4 years with such a dishonest person. Unfortunately he won't suddenly change his mind and divorce. He has strung you along with lies and will continue to do so. Marking his Fabebook status to separated means nothing--probably an attempt to reel you back in.

What's concerning is that if he did divorce, you're hoping to share your life with a person who hurts you each time he lies. He is dangerous and won't stop lying! You mentioned a daughter--what kind of involvement does she have with him?

He might get divorced. But it won't all of a sudden make him a nice person. The fact that you are willing to excuse inexcusable behavior is concerning. What does it teach your daughter: it's so important to have a man so it's no matter how he treats others?

I don't think you see the true issue. It's not him being separated or not, it's him lying and now not returning your things etc his lousy behavior is an issue. But you want him in your life so much that you are willing to put up with this.

You said you grew up in dysfunction ( many of us did) and that's why you excuse all this but now your daughter is observing dysfunction and will also think it's ok. She already knows that mom has this guy who wouldn't return her phone and mom is still rooting for him so it must be ok to let men behave this way. You don't want her to live this way do you?

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Hey, I'm a child of a dysfunctional homelife of origin myself. One thing that I needed to address was staying too long in relationships that weren't going anywhere. I guess just a byproduct of my early years. Haven't had even a handful of relationships. But I know that if I'm experiencing turmoil and ups and downs I'm worthy and quite capable of cutting my losses and moving foward in my life.

Life's too short for drama in friendship.

Wish you well.

"Interrogate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

Thanks everyone for the input! ❤️

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Ok. He's sending it. He and I were in a fight for a week because he feels hurt by me however he's sending the phones on Monday. Separated is different then married and it does matter on Facebook . I am friends with his friends , his father, and acquainted with his wife.
Why did I post here?
To get the strength to walk away from the phones if I needed to.
I even told him last night some people had advised me to be nice until I got the phones and then say f you and walk off. He knows I'm not like that.
As far as my teen goes, people get romantic about children so I think I'm going to take my leave at this point.
Thank you for your input.

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I don't really care about Facebook and I never said anything about it. I also don't think you need to be nice to him until he returns the phone and then get nasty, you confused me with someone. I don't know what you mean people get romantic about children, I personally am concerned that a teen is in a middle of dysfunction, but it's your life. Good luck

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People get romantic about children. They think they are innocent of all wrongs. The whole reason we were in this position is because my daughter used up both my insurance claims: one she lost the other she damaged . The reason we had the cracked phone in the first place is right after she got her second replacement phone she snuck out to a party, and the rest I don't want to discuss in public except for the fact that phone was stolen. The phone that cracked was actually the phone that had a software problem which she then cracked so I had to pay for in full to AT&T.
My boyfriend offered to repair the screen because it would've cost me $90. He is sending it back on Monday.
I'm not comfortable saying more then that.
I responded to your post because somebody else thanked you.


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Romantic about children ????? I really do not get this. What do you mean ?


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People think children are without fault. I've said three times now the whole reason I'm in this position is because my daughter used up both my insurance claims, then one night she snuck out, as a result her new phone was stolen, and right before I was going to return the last phone I had on insurance she cracked it. I've had to pay $150 in insurance claims . The phone that I sent in was having a texting problem but she damaged it right before I sent it in so the insurance company sent it back and charged me the full price of $479. Because the screen was cracked I was going to pay staples to fix it for $90 because I didn't want the mother board to get damaged but my boyfriend offered to repair it for free. Everything was fine until a week ago when he claims I hurt his feelings and didn't apologize and then he ramped it up by telling me his wife would send me my phones.

There were 2, my daughter's 5c and my 4s. I gave her my 4s while my boyfriend was repairing her 5c but then she got mad at me while she was at my brother's and threw my 4s against the wall and shattered it so my boyfriend offered to repair that too.

He actually sent her his 5 so she would have a phone while he was repairing her 5c but then the battery died.

Originally he said the first box he sent me with her 5c in got lost in the mail and he lost the receipt. I told him to go to the post office and he finally did and told me the he was able to retrieve the phones.

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I don't think anyone says that teens are without fault. I teach high school so I know that. And my own was a teen at some point. No one doubts that.

My concern was not if your daughter is innocent but that it's not good for teen girl to watch her mom in bad relationships or relationships with married men or hanging on to dishonest men etc kids tend to live by example. I doubt you want your daughter live this way: in relationship with unavailable married men and being friends with liars

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Right. He's separated. As in publicly. As in not living together. As in for years.
In terms of honesty? My daughter said I am more honest then she is.
I think that I'm going to be quiet on thus thread for a little bit.

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The whole story is confusing. You first said he is a liar and lied to you for years and that's why you stopped romantic relationship with him. You are saying now he isn't a liar? So he never lied? I never said you or your daughter are dishonest. I am saying you are involved with dishonest man and it's not good for your daughter to observe. If you think it's ok for your daughter and it helps her to learn how healthy relationships work, then it's ok.

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I said my daughter said I am not dishonest she is.
I think we can stop here.
I appreciate you listening to me.
Thank you.

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