[KUFF]

hello all , not been on for about a year ..
how do others cope with being socially isolated ; mental health problems make one feel isolated but when shunned / let down by friends this compounds the problem.
can be difficult to make new friends , have any sort of social life.
family not supportive and 8/9 friends / acquaintances turned there back on me years ago. only friends on facebook keep in touch.
it's good to keep busy but feelings of lonliness are always there.
any ideas / success stories ?
look forward to replies ...
kuff.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I think the best choice left is to try to get involved in something somehow, and hopefully meet people through that. Might meet people even through support, like support groups or group therapy. I'm quite isolated too, but luckily have a few people at least a town or two away. I struggle feeling so alone in this place. Just grateful for what I do have.

I see you live in the UK like me. How about BorrowMyDoggy? It's only £10. Great way to meet people and it gets you out of the house. https://www.borrowmydoggy.com

[Wild Coyote]

Hi KUFF,

Welcome back!
Sorry to hear you are suffering from loneliness.

I understand isolation. I sometimes need alone time. However, it's nice to know we have friends/family when we are ready to socialize.

Your friends "turning their backs on you" seems especially sad.
Sometimes, if/when we chronically do not feel up to socializing, friends get frustrated and stop asking/inviting us. I cannot say those are the dynamics in your life, of course.

In the U.S., we have a network of "meet-up" groups where people with common interests meet up and share their time and interests together.

Some potential ideas: Workshops of interest (many are free), coffee houses where people meet up, gym memberships, adult classes/lessons, etc.

My family-of-origin has not been helpful. Sadly. I have come to acceptance on this.

Others in my life have been able to join in mutually supportive friendships.

I have met my friends through pursuing common interests via classes, workshops, trips, etc.

I also invite in neighbors for meals, send them meals if I hear they are ill, etc.

I hope you find some ways to meet more friends and gain support.

Again, Welcome Back!


WC

[Phoenix73]

Hey Kuff, I feel the same, but one thing I realized is I didn't have friends leave me, I isolated myself from them. With Mental Illness a lot of people don't know how to address it, so they hope and wait for you to open to them. I've lost a lot of people too and I have yet to find the words to let them in. I'm also afraid that they will see the wreck I have become. I've be faking happiness to people so they don't worry about me, which in turn makes the think I am fine. Believe me, I've been dealing with this for years, I'm 43 and feel that I have nothing else I can lose. You know who I can open up to? People with the same illness. Use this forum, you will get a TON of great advice. Hope you can eventually work things out!

I've had great success with attending my Support Group. Two years ago when I first joined it was my only form of a social outlet. It took sometime, but gradually I was able to venture to socializing other than group (note: I've been careful however not to socialize with group members outside of the meetings. I don't want to risk the safety of the group by having a disagreement or difference with someone. It is also important I think that I try to surround myself with healthy positive people).

It took forming a friendship with only one person to inturn meet more aquaintances. Getting myself out has led to making even more. Note, I say aquaintanceships. I have trust issues that seem to be a barrier from taking the extra step to forming friendships.

Where have I found these people? Mostly from volunteering. I volunteer at the museum, several charitable organizations, and events and festivals that pop up throughout the year. Participating in these activities is also a form of social outlet.

Finally, I want to point out the importance of planning activities. There is something to be said about looking forward to an event/activity instead of the boredom and depression of waiting for something to come along.

[KUFF]

hello all, firstly thank you for the support ; most i've had in long time.
know myself but have found groups/ volunteering difficult in past really due to depression/ anxiety.
had appointment with occupational therapist on mon. who after assesment wants to try groups/ volunteering again with there support and now health is better genuinly feel i'll be able to do it.feeling positive /energised after meeting.
feel there will always be ''hole'' in my life after friends turned there backs on me but i'v got to accept this and move on.
thanks ; teufel, wild cat, coyote, phoenix, just a friend.
now feeling more positive i'll try and post on forums to give support whenever i can.
kuff
'' keep the faith ''

I learned I have a habit of trying to make friends with people who don't like me, or use me, so that was good to learn. I learned it from being around a large group of people for a long time for work. I don't have a clear understanding of forming friendships or seeing myself from other people's perspective. I also have a very strong aversion to being close to others, so I'm usually socially isolated.

I found that keeping in touch with family who respects me is a great way to overcome loneliness. I never needed much socialization to begin with, so to be honest, my boyfriend's been curing me of the rest of my loneliness. I think a good best friend would've done the trick if I didn't have my boyfriend. I hope to make a best friend someday.

One thing that helped is learning that I really don't need many friends, but just one or maybe two. So it's okay to be picky since I don't want to befriend someone not right for me.

It's been my experience with depression (about 6 or so years now) that I have to reach a certain point in my "wellness" in order to speak to people on a social level. It isn't like before, that's for sure, but when things are bad for me, I just can't do it. The combination of wellness and opportunity has to be there.

When the time is right, look for opportunities everywhere.

Just my own experience.

Hugs.

[Meeshellmybelle]

I can relate to this all too well. I have one friend who I share everything with. She just got married for the second time...a blended family. I've already noticed a lack of response when I share with her. I don't have a close family and no social life. Mostly my fault. I want to be social I really do. But I just don't make friends that easily. I don't have FB because I found myself wasting time, getting jealous/angry at all my "friends" living these great, fantastic lives. A couple months ago I thought a coworker and I were becoming friends and she said "FB me." I didn't. I'd rather go out and have coffee or see a movie. Old school face to face interaction. Now we don't talk.

I've tried the meetup groups locally but it is hard walking into a group of strangers. I did it and can say I did it but nothing lasting came out of it.

It sucks. I need to change. It's becoming a bit frightening to me that I have isolated myself so much.