[cbova71]

My husband can be the most easy-going person sometimes, but that is just it: He is sometimes easy going and sometimes in a bad mood, and no one knows which way things are going to go from day to day. No one can tell what will set him off. Anyway, lately, I have felt like I need to talk to someone about how I feel, and I should be able to tell my husband, right?? WRONG!! I can't talk to him about anything. He won't even look at me or respond when I try to tell him anything about my emotions or if he asks me "what's wrong?" I know I should be able to talk to friends (i.e. on Facebook or by email, etc.), but he goes through my phone and email to see what I do on Facebook and who I email. I have caught on to this and have decided not to talk to my friends on Facebook (these are friends I have known since grade school (and I'm 45 yrs old now), so now I have no one to talk to. I have to act like everything is just great around him, or he will ask me "what's wrong?" and tell me I can tell him anything, but I really can't because he doesn't care/doesn't listen. He makes me feel like I'm not worth loving and that my feelings don't matter. I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow, but who knows if I can make it to the appointment because my husband, if he has to work, might not even make it home in time for me to get to the appointment at the scheduled time. I feel like he is sabotaging my efforts to get the help that I need, and I feel so alone because of it.

Hi,

How long have you and your husband been together? Has he always been this way or is this new behavior?

[healingme4me]

What would happen if you changed your passwords? Or let me rephrase, what's the worst that could happen if you changed your passwords? When there's an argument, what's his temper like?

It's not the greatest thing to have a sense of not trusting him to be there so that you can make an appointment. And not believing that you can confide in him about your emotions. Those are very important needs that are unmet at the moment.

Was there a changing point between you or were things always like this?

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

[Crazy Hitch]

You should not have to be subjected to having to isolate yourself from friends that you've known for years. We all need a good ear to listen and hear what we have to say and if you're not getting it from him you need someone to rely on.

I agree with what others have said. Put a password lock on your phone and set up your computer so that you have to put a password to log on. If you wish to remain in contact with old friends it's none of his business.

[cbova71]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Hi,

How long have you and your husband been together? Has he always been this way or is this new behavior?

We've been together for 4 years now. Over time, he has gradually become this way. I think it's because he's bored of me or whatever.

[cbova71]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

What would happen if you changed your passwords? Or let me rephrase, what's the worst that could happen if you changed your passwords? When there's an argument, what's his temper like?

It's not the greatest thing to have a sense of not trusting him to be there so that you can make an appointment. And not believing that you can confide in him about your emotions. Those are very important needs that are unmet at the moment.

Was there a changing point between you or were things always like this?

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

I've tried changing my password and passcode locking my phone, but then he asks me what I'm trying to hide, etc., when I do that. I don't look on his phone, and I do know his password. As far as telling him my feelings, I always get the "deer in headlights" look when I'm trying to talk to him, or he will go off and wash dishes or fold laundry so he doesn't have to make any sort of eye contact with me when I'm trying to tell him stuff. He ended up being off work today, so I can definitely see my therapist this evening (I am glad for that).

[cbova71]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

You should not have to be subjected to having to isolate yourself from friends that you've known for years. We all need a good ear to listen and hear what we have to say and if you're not getting it from him you need someone to rely on.

I agree with what others have said. Put a password lock on your phone and set up your computer so that you have to put a password to log on. If you wish to remain in contact with old friends it's none of his business.

I told him that I have to see a therapist since he isn't "there" for me emotionally and told him that he doesn't really care when I tell him how I feel, so that is why I can't tell him what's wrong when he asks me. he just stared off into space and wouldn't even look at me. He pretended he was busy playing with the baby while I was trying to talk to him.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by cbova71

I've tried changing my password and passcode locking my phone, but then he asks me what I'm trying to hide, etc., when I do that. I don't look on his phone, and I do know his password. As far as telling him my feelings, I always get the "deer in headlights" look when I'm trying to talk to him, or he will go off and wash dishes or fold laundry so he doesn't have to make any sort of eye contact with me when I'm trying to tell him stuff. He ended up being off work today, so I can definitely see my therapist this evening (I am glad for that).

The flip side to that guilt trip argument is "if you trusted me and felt secure about our relationship, you wouldn't feel compelled to go through my phone and emails."

Sounds frustrating to have no communication.

With my ex it seemed more a distrastibility issue. These days, it's hearing loss.

Try asking him if he's listening and where he went to in that moment? It puts the responsibility on him to recognize that point where you are feeling unheard.

Hope your therapy works out.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

[cbova71]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

The flip side to that guilt trip argument is "if you trusted me and felt secure about our relationship, you wouldn't feel compelled to go through my phone and emails."

Sounds frustrating to have no communication.

With my ex it seemed more a distrastibility issue. These days, it's hearing loss.

Try asking him if he's listening and where he went to in that moment? It puts the responsibility on him to recognize that point where you are feeling unheard.

Hope your therapy works out.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West

Oh I've asked him if he's listening when he does that, and he says he's listening. I'm sure he's hearing me talk but is not absorbing the information. When I told him how I felt, he said, as he always does: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??" This is very frustrating to me.