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  #1  
Old Aug 27, 2016, 04:52 PM
KuriWinterSun KuriWinterSun is offline
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I met this guy online, and we bonded immediately.....literally. We even had a spoonful of the exact same ice cream in our mouths as we typed.
I like him a lot. He's only a few years older than me, and is super sweet and caring for me. We talk almost everyday.
What I worry about is my past interfering with this, or secrets better left buried surfacing.
An example: I was having so much fun, and my schedule was hectic, so I never told him that I planned on going into the Military. We even planned to see each other, then he mentioned something that sparked that reminder.
What should I do?

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  #2  
Old Aug 27, 2016, 04:53 PM
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leomama leomama is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KuriWinterSun View Post
I met this guy online, and we bonded immediately.....literally. We even had a spoonful of the exact same ice cream in our mouths as we typed.

I like him a lot. He's only a few years older than me, and is super sweet and caring for me. We talk almost everyday.

What I worry about is my past interfering with this, or secrets better left buried surfacing.

An example: I was having so much fun, and my schedule was hectic, so I never told him that I planned on going into the Military. We even planned to see each other, then he mentioned something that sparked that reminder.

What should I do?


Be careful. That sounds like a red flag. Watch red flags of a narcissist on YouTube. Read the book psychopath free. Then get back to us and tell us what you think.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thanks for this!
KuriWinterSun
  #3  
Old Aug 27, 2016, 05:24 PM
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Crazy Hitch Crazy Hitch is offline
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Do you trust him?
Hugs from:
KuriWinterSun
  #4  
Old Aug 27, 2016, 05:31 PM
Anonymous37904
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I agree with leomama. Proceed with caution.
Thanks for this!
KuriWinterSun, leomama
  #5  
Old Aug 27, 2016, 05:36 PM
KuriWinterSun KuriWinterSun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch View Post
Do you trust him?
Yes, more than most people in my life. I trust him a lot..
  #6  
Old Aug 28, 2016, 12:14 AM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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It's possible to click with people online and it be the real deal .

I met my husband online we were just friends for a long while before we took a chance, together 15 years, married 10 now,

Since you have yet to meet I would say keep your eyes open and see how he is when your face to face.

Your past is your past. You do not have to share it with anyone unless You want too.

Hope you guys meet and it lead to a healthy relationship!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
  #7  
Old Aug 28, 2016, 08:09 AM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Until you meet and spend time with you don't know who is on other side on the computer screen.

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Thanks for this!
Always Hurting, KuriWinterSun
  #8  
Old Aug 28, 2016, 08:51 AM
KuriWinterSun KuriWinterSun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Until you meet and spend time with you don't know who is on other side on the computer screen.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
That is a very real truth, and something I have kept in mind
  #9  
Old Aug 30, 2016, 05:24 PM
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ImmerAllein ImmerAllein is offline
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KuriWinterSun,

Everyone has secrets they would like to keep hidden ... every single person. You are not alone in that regard. I'm sure this guy has stuff too. Only, some people hide it better than others.

Everyone has flaws and defects. People love to label others "Narcissist", "Borderline", bla bla bull. Labels don't mean a damn thing because human beings are way too complex to be encapsulated or defined by such labels. You are NOT your labels, neither is this guy.

You don't know a thing about him till you meet him face to face and spend some time with him. Cautiously, of course, but that applies to everyone. Why is this guy any different than any seemingly "normal" guy who could have an arsenal of guns under his bed ?

Another thing ... your future is not as certain as it seems (same for all of us) Don't worry about the military or bring it up ... let life unfold as it does, and you never know where it will take you.

The point is ... don't let premature skepticism and judgments stop you from enjoying a potential relationship. You can find a thousand things to worry about if you want to. Life is way too dynamic and mysterious for you to be worrying about "what if"s this early in this relationship.

Just focus on getting to know this guy. A person's past does not define him/her.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift."
__________________
I turn to the crowd as they're watching
They're sitting all together in the dark in the warm
I wanted to be in there among them
I see how their eyes are gathered into one

And then she turns to me with her hand extended
Her palm is split with a flower with a flame

- Suzanne Vega (1987)

Thanks for this!
KuriWinterSun
  #10  
Old Aug 30, 2016, 05:44 PM
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Moogieotter Moogieotter is offline
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Just go for it!

What's keeping you from going to see each other like right away?

moogs
__________________
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Dx: Bipolar 2, GAD

Current Meds: Prozac 30mg, Lamictal 150mg, Latuda 40mg, Wellbutrin 150 XL

Previous meds I can share experiences from:
AAPs - Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel
SSRIs - Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft
Mood Stabilizers - Tegretol, Depakote, Neurontin
Other - Buspar, Xanax

Add me as a friend and we can chat
  #11  
Old Aug 30, 2016, 05:54 PM
KuriWinterSun KuriWinterSun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moogieotter View Post
Just go for it!

What's keeping you from going to see each other like right away?

moogs
The distance between us physically, we're in two completely different states...
  #12  
Old Aug 30, 2016, 07:18 PM
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Moogieotter Moogieotter is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KuriWinterSun View Post
The distance between us physically, we're in two completely different states...
Oh. No means for a bus ticket? I hope love finds a way!
__________________
Current Status: Stable/High Functioning/Clean and Sober

Dx: Bipolar 2, GAD

Current Meds: Prozac 30mg, Lamictal 150mg, Latuda 40mg, Wellbutrin 150 XL

Previous meds I can share experiences from:
AAPs - Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel
SSRIs - Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft
Mood Stabilizers - Tegretol, Depakote, Neurontin
Other - Buspar, Xanax

Add me as a friend and we can chat
  #13  
Old Aug 30, 2016, 07:28 PM
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healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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Can you find a way, despite the geographical difference? I'm of the opinion that it's better to meet sooner than later to at least know if there's chemistry. If it's not there, it's not there and years don't go by before discovering this fact. And the type of chemistry that I mean is emotionally comfortable and a sense of one another's body language/cues which are subconscious yet telling.
Of course be safe about it, then again be safe on dates regardless of where you've met.
I feel that if there's chemistry and moving into a relationship, there's a depth to emotional intimacy in existence that usually takes longer between those that meet more traditionally.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West
Hugs from:
KuriWinterSun
Thanks for this!
KuriWinterSun
  #14  
Old Aug 31, 2016, 07:57 PM
KuriWinterSun KuriWinterSun is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: United States
Posts: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by ImmerAllein View Post
KuriWinterSun,

Everyone has secrets they would like to keep hidden ... every single person. You are not alone in that regard. I'm sure this guy has stuff too. Only, some people hide it better than others.

Everyone has flaws and defects. People love to label others "Narcissist", "Borderline", bla bla bull. Labels don't mean a damn thing because human beings are way too complex to be encapsulated or defined by such labels. You are NOT your labels, neither is this guy.

You don't know a thing about him till you meet him face to face and spend some time with him. Cautiously, of course, but that applies to everyone. Why is this guy any different than any seemingly "normal" guy who could have an arsenal of guns under his bed ?

Another thing ... your future is not as certain as it seems (same for all of us) Don't worry about the military or bring it up ... let life unfold as it does, and you never know where it will take you.

The point is ... don't let premature skepticism and judgments stop you from enjoying a potential relationship. You can find a thousand things to worry about if you want to. Life is way too dynamic and mysterious for you to be worrying about "what if"s this early in this relationship.

Just focus on getting to know this guy. A person's past does not define him/her.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift."
Wow, you prove a good point. We've videochatted, but everything you have said I agree with
Thanks for this!
ImmerAllein
  #15  
Old Aug 31, 2016, 07:59 PM
KuriWinterSun KuriWinterSun is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: United States
Posts: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
Can you find a way, despite the geographical difference? I'm of the opinion that it's better to meet sooner than later to at least know if there's chemistry. If it's not there, it's not there and years don't go by before discovering this fact. And the type of chemistry that I mean is emotionally comfortable and a sense of one another's body language/cues which are subconscious yet telling.
Of course be safe about it, then again be safe on dates regardless of where you've met.
I feel that if there's chemistry and moving into a relationship, there's a depth to emotional intimacy in existence that usually takes longer between those that meet more traditionally.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West
Understandable. I plan on meeting him by the end of this year, but the way things are going...I don't know. The way I was going to get there is gone...would anyone think video chat would suffice?
Thanks for this!
healingme4me
  #16  
Old Aug 31, 2016, 09:09 PM
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divine1966 divine1966 is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 23,227
Video chat would allow you to see how the person looks but it's not a substitute for actual dating. Honestly why don't you date locally? Or buy a bus ticket now not waiting for months to meet

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thanks for this!
KuriWinterSun
  #17  
Old Sep 01, 2016, 05:05 AM
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HollowRhythms HollowRhythms is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by KuriWinterSun View Post
I met this guy online, and we bonded immediately.....literally. We even had a spoonful of the exact same ice cream in our mouths as we typed.
I like him a lot. He's only a few years older than me, and is super sweet and caring for me. We talk almost everyday.
What I worry about is my past interfering with this, or secrets better left buried surfacing.
An example: I was having so much fun, and my schedule was hectic, so I never told him that I planned on going into the Military. We even planned to see each other, then he mentioned something that sparked that reminder.
What should I do?
Just WOW!

you are talking about YOUR past, secrets etc, and people are jumpin and calling him a red flag and narcissistic??? with nothing to base this on????

i wish you luck, i suggest perhaps finding another site for suggestions, you only really got one or two really proper answers here....
Hugs from:
ImmerAllein, KuriWinterSun
Thanks for this!
ImmerAllein, KuriWinterSun, LeeeLeee
  #18  
Old Sep 01, 2016, 11:13 AM
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s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
I'm not sure about any implications of narcissism here or anything so far that provides any evidence that says this person should be approached with any more caution than any other unknown online person. But as a general rule, keep in mind rarely is it a likely real bond that happens "immediately" or even really fast. The thing is those types of "supposed" bonds are usually superficial, not very deep.

With any relationship regardless of quick infatuation, a bond or anything. be wise in how quickly you trust someone. Trust a stranger without any kind of evidence that they are trustworthy will in most cases just lead to learning some hard lessons in life.
Hugs from:
KuriWinterSun
  #19  
Old Sep 01, 2016, 05:45 PM
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8thstreetbungalow 8thstreetbungalow is offline
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Location: arizona
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hes prolly an ostrich
Hugs from:
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  #20  
Old Sep 01, 2016, 08:11 PM
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KuriWinterSun View Post
Understandable. I plan on meeting him by the end of this year, but the way things are going...I don't know. The way I was going to get there is gone...would anyone think video chat would suffice?
Video chat seems fine. The end of the year isn't too far away, sorry to see that your initial plan isn't coming together. Hopefully, there will be other ways and other times and chances.

"Investigate your hidden assumptions."-Cornel West
Thanks for this!
KuriWinterSun
  #21  
Old Sep 13, 2016, 07:23 AM
KuriWinterSun KuriWinterSun is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: United States
Posts: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moogieotter View Post
Just go for it!

What's keeping you from going to see each other like right away?

moogs
The distance in between states and the cost to do just that. We are over 15 hours away from each other..
  #22  
Old Sep 16, 2016, 01:23 PM
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Moogieotter Moogieotter is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,449
Yeah, cost can be tough. Maybe ask for a plane ticket for xmas.
__________________
Current Status: Stable/High Functioning/Clean and Sober

Dx: Bipolar 2, GAD

Current Meds: Prozac 30mg, Lamictal 150mg, Latuda 40mg, Wellbutrin 150 XL

Previous meds I can share experiences from:
AAPs - Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel
SSRIs - Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft
Mood Stabilizers - Tegretol, Depakote, Neurontin
Other - Buspar, Xanax

Add me as a friend and we can chat
Thanks for this!
KuriWinterSun
  #23  
Old Sep 22, 2016, 05:11 PM
KuriWinterSun KuriWinterSun is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: United States
Posts: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by 8thstreetbungalow View Post
hes prolly an ostrich
and you say this from experience?
Reply
Views: 1743

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




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