Boyfriend too attached to his parents

We don't know if that's what his parents really said or thought. We only know what he says, which might be a lie.

Divine, you are spot on the problems I am thinking about. It's not much his parents or their approval, but as Amandalouise wrote (and she is right) it's really disrespectful to be someones dirty little secret, even it it only for his parents (not other people though), and also my sense of self worth and value is affected. I am sure he does not realize that at all, and few times I tried to tell him, he suggested break up, because he can not give me what I want (he was honest about that from the start) so I shut up.
But what you are most spot on is that he has no retirement plans (zero retirement fund at the time), no travel goals at all, ever or any, he has some projects which I try to be supportive of, but I don't think they are realistic and ever succeed (sorry, he is talented, but his business sense is horrible), no any plans for future. He does not have health insurance, no retirement fund, no car or licence, no money, no prospect, and he does not look too worried about that (I may be wrong about this, maybe he just does not show it). My worst fear is not that he is having someone on the side or hiding something, I know he does not, because we have common friends who have been at his place many times, and yes, he does live alone with his parents, and they are ALWAYS home so he doesn't really have chance with someone on the side. And besides, I know him a long time, he really isn't scumbag, he is good person but meek and non-ambitious, not sure if he has serious depression problems he hides because it's weird not to have any plans for future.
Michelea, some of my friends have been there, it's exactly as he says, even more strange since their apartment is small. There is no chance he could hide anything there. Yes, you are right I am alone, I feel alone, sometimes I feel like I have friend with benefits and that is it. And I am happier when I realize that. Maybe I should think about it that way, but then I should tell him so.
Amandalouise, first of all, I admire your attitude, you sure are completely right. Problem in my case is that I am not so much his dirty little secret, oh, he does gladly show me to all his friends and acquaintances and everyone he meets, he even seems proud, but hides me only to his parents to "protect them and him" because they would "react badly and make his life miserable". So, I am not actually a secret, just for them. He thinks he is protecting them as they are old and sick and would not be able to accept that he will not ever have children, though to be honest, it's his choice.

I think I found out what is wrong, and the title of this topic might be misleading then. It's not about the parents, it seems they really want him out of their home, that is why the don't approve someone like me (someone who will not get him out of parental home). He is the one who does not want to go and it's not because of attachment. There is some attachment that grew through years, but that is not main reason. Main reason he does not want to go, have children or family or anything that would ruin his daily routine is that he really wants to do something "great and impressive" in his career (he is an artist). That requires that he does not have anything pulling him down and getting his mind off the work. At first, parents' home was just the way of super-comfortable living, with no any commitments or obligations. But then he sacrificed everything even his own free time for that work. I was always blaming his parents, but the fact is, he puts his work above everything and everyone, even above every single joy in life. To be honest, though he is talented, I don't think it was ever worth it. I can't tell him that since he already sacrificed everything, but I think he made a lot of wrong moves and now he would need to work really hard to get somewhere. I don't think he has a will or strength to do that. And it looks like he is declining fast in every way. As he is my friend, I would like to help him, but there is no way to do that. And staying by him would probably destroy me in time...

How did you find out that they don't need/want him to stay, like he has been telling you for years?

I haven't read in depth all of the posts here but just my first impulse is to say that likely a a 47 yr old man is not going to be easily changed, unless by his own volition.

Without making any judgments whatsoever on his and his parents relatsionship with him the thing to consider is this: do you see yourself accepting the way things are now or would you expect it to change in order for the relationship to continue? Because likely this will not change in the near future or quite possibly, ever.

you do not see yourself as number one and you should be as a mate to someone.

It's up to you whether you want to accept how it is and remain in the relationship but you sound quite unhappy and frankly I think moving on like some have said here is what I would personally do.

Problem is, I am not sure. I have very little experience with relationship. My ex husband was my first, and since I am extremely shy and introverted, it was pure luck we have ever met. Unfortunately, our marriage didn't work out. My second "sort-of-relationship" was, of course, with my best friend (since I knew him well), and that is the problem. I have no real idea what I want and what I am looking for. I have barely any experience.
My life is not normal, and at this point, I doubt it will ever be. I am confused and really don't have anyone to talk to. Right now, I would mostly like to know what would be good for me, and to find a way for my life to function normally (if possible). I am tired and alone, I do everything alone, I think my child resents me, I see no bright future for me. This failing relationship is just the tip of the iceberg.

I left my spouse of 8 years in part because I couldn't compete with his Mommy. It was to the point that he still went over to his parents home every Sunday for dinner - without me. In fact, in his mother's eyes I and her grandchildren didn't even exist. This despite living less than three blocks away. I once asked my husband to not go to dinner and for two plus years I was banished from even stepping on the property.

Fast forward to his second marriage. She actually began striking up conversations with me - likely because she thought I the lesser of the two 'evils'.

My partner won't even leave his parents, but I think that is just because he is comfortable with them. They tiptoe around him (at least they did before they grew old and sick), and did everything for him, so that he can work carefree on his dream job all day and not be interrupted by anything. Now he has to do most chores for them but he feels that he has to in return. There is no place for me in his life, though he claims there always is. Not that I can give him a lot of my time but at least I expect some support that is not just verbal or more often written in mail. Support is not when he writes you mail like "I hope you will be ok, wish you all the best". He thinks that's support. It's not. Support is to come to me when I am sad and make me a coffee or tea or bring me tiny chocolate (he has no money). Support is to call me and talk to me or come to my place and watch movie together. Or anything but supporting mail. I can get and I do such mail from anyone. I tried to tell him that but he does not get it. He says like "But I am supporting you what do you want?" or gets defensive. Like I am attacking him. When I told him it would be pleasant for me if we would go together somewhere for pancakes or tea, he said he has no money or time for that. Ok I would pay. Still no... he won't waste time on that. I am sooo tired.