[Bolivar83]

If this has been discussed elsewhere, thanks in advance for pointing me to the thread!

After many years of isolating myself, I have finally made one good friend, and several acquaintance-level friends (eg, smile with, share some laughs, not really anything deep discussed, just friendly banter).

I did briefly discuss my bipolar w/the good friend - it helped to explain the "mania writing checks my depression can't cash" behavior (ideas and plans that I cannot always follow through with). Just quick sketch of how it affects my work, socializing.

I am on some great meds, but stress can toss me out of whack.

How much information should a friend be given about my mental illness?

What is appropriate behavior when I am manic/depressed -
do I honor plans made no matter how I am feeling?

Do I go through with ideas that seemed doable during mania that might not be entirely possible when I sober up?

Do you tell someone if you are hallucinating? Having a flashback?

Do you share about depression?

I basically try to handle my own issues privately. I might mention I am tired/have insomnia to explain quietness. I don't know the proper balance. I guess I figure everyone has something they are dealing with and (to echo an earlier post), you never know what personal struggles others deal with at home. I don't want to add to my friends burdens, or make her feel she has to help me get my life together.

Sometimes I slip up (especially when manic!) and get a little too silly, or energetic, or irritated, etc. I am trying to keep track of my moods, meds, etc via daily spreadsheet to help me refocus every day and stay on proper track.

Sorry if this sounds strange, but I have always had some problems with close relationships. Either I'm too "surface" and people say I seem impersonal, or I give TMI.

I want to preserve this friendship, so any advice you might give, or experiences you would share, I would greatly appreciate!

[Trippin2.0]

It depends solely on the friendship.


The only no no is making your friends round the clock T's, and since you usually manage by yourself, I don't see your friendship in danger of this.


The only person who can confirm what is and isn't appropriate is your friend.


Mine want to know every gritty detail because it's educational and so far from what they've learned on tv. Easy part for me was / is, they ask for details.


So maybe next time you two are having a bipolar related discussion, express that you're not sure how much to share and hopefully your friend will fill in the blanks.


Would be a good idea to even mention your reservations about over sharing, like you have here.


Best if luck

[ImmerAllein]

Hi there, friend ! Great topic !

From my plethora of failed friendships, I can certainly tell you what doesn't work My record of friendships was best described by Benjamin Franklin ... "I didn't fail; I just discovered a 1000 ideas that didn't work."

Q - How much information should a friend be given about my mental illness?

Like Trippin said, this really depends on the friend. Is (s)he informed about mental illness in general ? What attitude does (s)he have towards mental illness ?

If (s)he is ignorant and/or prejudiced towards the subject, and this is a highly likely scenario in this world, you should definitely not discuss any details with him/her. "A little knowledge is dangerous." I've found that telling ignorant people about mental illness only has bad consequences ... they may start distancing themselves from you, they may act differently around you, they absolutely unequivocally will place you in their mental basket of "abnormal people". You will no longer be the same person to him/her, and your relationship will have, forever, changed.

On the other hand, it is possible to divulge to the friend that you're struggling, but utilize vocabulary that they can relate to without going nuts themselves. You can, perhaps, describe your symptoms in layman's terms ... I find it hard to get out of bed, I don't have any energy, I don't feel like going out, etc.

Another point that I've shared with you in the past is that you shouldn't totally identify with the label that your diagnosis is. "PTSD", "Bipolar", whatever. Those are artificial man-made constructs to help with a potential treatment plan. But, outside of therapy, they have little significance, in my opinion. You don't need PTSD written on your forehead when you talk to your friends. It will only hurt the interaction, in my opinion, unless your friend is someone with the background necessary to relate to the labels.

Q - What is appropriate behavior when I am manic/depressed -
do I honor plans made no matter how I am feeling?

Again, this needs to be worked out with the friend. Make it clear to your friend that, there will be times when your energy level is low. The smoothness of the interactions will depend on things like trust and understanding.

Q - Do I go through with ideas that seemed doable during mania that might not be entirely possible when I sober up?

I think this is a very specific Bipolar question. Since I don't experience such polarities, I can't really answer.

As for the other questions, my answers will have the same general tune - share if the person is trustworthy and able to relate to the content (and it's format) you share.

[~Christina]

As Tripping mentioned ..... Don't turn your friend into a 24/7 T.

I am pretty selective on who I have told about my Bipolar , no I am not ashamed, I just don't feel the need to educate people that I am not sure will still be around 6 months down the road .

Funny thing did happen . My husband and I met a couple through a sales job he was working. At first it was fun. We went out to dinner weekly, her and I spent a day out shopping and she spend literally 3 hours complaining about her best friend and her depression like it was this horrible disease that she could pray away if she wanted to .... So yeah ..... Can you image her reaction to bipolar ???? HAHAHAHA

Anyway almost a year later my husband was over at there house helping them out putting up cabinets or something.... Oh I forgot to mention I have Fibromyalgia and it often gets so bad I am in bed .

Earlier that week I offered to dye her hair .. So she asked my husband to call and see about doing it then. My husband said she can't her Fibro has her in bed. She said oh well I can't believe fibro could hurt that bad , she should pray !!!!! My husband snapped and said its hell to watch my wife cry from pain and nothing helps and deal with managing her Bipolar . She's one if the strongest people I know !

Yes he "outted" me ..... Lmao !!!

Needless to say she wasn't texting daily like she use to , going for dinner stopped.

I finally confronted her about it , she said well only crazy people have bipolar!

I seriously cried from laughing at her utter stupidity.

I guess it just reinforced my views on telling people.

Now if I meet someone and the relationship is healthy and the person was able to comprehend that MI is not this big scary demon monster.., I would give a basic over view of my bipolar.

I have great friends that have Bipolar and when need be we can just be totally honest on how we are doing and no one freaks, I highly recommend bipolar friends !

Side note my daughter is 25 and also has bipolar she has no trouble telling anyone she has Bipolar. Her generation isn't so scared or quick to judge like my generation I guess.

Friends should be supportive and help if possible.

Enjoy life ❤️

Don't expect anyone to be permanently glued to your hip.

Rule of thumb: would you be prepared to do for them what you expect for you?

All really good advice.

I tell people and am "out" with my bipolar on Facebook. I am a "what you see, is what you get", kinda person. I choose my friends the same way. I have friends with PDs and try to be understanding, so, I am bipolar.

Seems fair?