[black-roses]

I forgot to report my income to centrelink so I received nothing. I forgot because I was 7 weeks out of the country during that time I didn't have to worry about reporting and job seekers appointment. In fact the whole time I was there the government didn't bother me for nothing it felt like a holiday not having to rely on centrelink just to have the money to stay alive. My mother as you can expect is angry but then herself she realized I made a human error and forgot. So I got that sorted then she said "if I relied on your money I'd be dead". I always get defensive when people say something like that but it is kind of true. Even if I am not being paid by centrelink there will always be utilities and expenses to be paid. Like if I had my own place and just forgot to pay it I'd be invicted. All this proves to me is that I am not yet ready to move out until I explore why I am having so many lapses and blank outs in my memory..

By the sounds of this and your other thread it doesn't sound like you are quite ready to be independent and the situation with centrelink sounds really awfully confusing.

Do you keep a calendar and make list of things you need to do to help keep yourself on task for when you have blank outs?

[Yoda]

Maybe this recent realization is something your mom needed.

I don't know all the specifics of you and your mom but I do understand being low income and having to pool resources just to keep our heads above water. My adult son lives with me and can only get part time work at minimum wage (well, that was before the June flood took out the bridge to where he worked so he now is getting unemployment). When he works I ask him to help out buying food and gasoline and rarely help with the electric bill when it is really expensive.

But unlike your mother I don't ask what he is doing with the money he has left over unless he asks my opinion. Like this week he had gone to his best friend's house for the day and his friend has a virtual reality device that is really cool. My son asked what I thought about him spending some of his money to buy one and I said bad idea at this time because 1. it is expensive ($800) 2. if he waits they will be more advanced and likely less expensive 3. buying that would take a significant chunk of the money he has been saving for a used car. Totally different from the way your mom interferes with your money. Your mom isn't entitled to know what you do with every nickle and it sounds like you are not totally irresponsible with your money.

I am glad that your dad backed you up when your mom was being too controlling. I hope your mom learns that while you are willing to help for the betterment of the family you still need some wild money to use as you please.

Best of luck

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by Yoda

Maybe this recent realization is something your mom needed.

I don't know all the specifics of you and your mom but I do understand being low income and having to pool resources just to keep our heads above water. My adult son lives with me and can only get part time work at minimum wage (well, that was before the June flood took out the bridge to where he worked so he now is getting unemployment). When he works I ask him to help out buying food and gasoline and rarely help with the electric bill when it is really expensive.

But unlike your mother I don't ask what he is doing with the money he has left over unless he asks my opinion. Like this week he had gone to his best friend's house for the day and his friend has a virtual reality device that is really cool. My son asked what I thought about him spending some of his money to buy one and I said bad idea at this time because 1. it is expensive ($800) 2. if he waits they will be more advanced and likely less expensive 3. buying that would take a significant chunk of the money he has been saving for a used car. Totally different from the way your mom interferes with your money. Your mom isn't entitled to know what you do with every nickle and it sounds like you are not totally irresponsible with your money.

I am glad that your dad backed you up when your mom was being too controlling. I hope your mom learns that while you are willing to help for the betterment of the family you still need some wild money to use as you please.

Best of luck

Yes, that is exactly what I mean with her being unfair I wouldn't be all defensive if she didn't ask me what I do with my money everyday. I guess only now she is realizing how controlling she can sound and is likely going to change her ways.

[Crazy Hitch]

Does your dad pay your mom child support? Sounds like things are financially strained for your mom.

[TishaBuv]

If you are forgetting about getting your money, it means you don't need the money. Your mom must feel like she is enabling you too much.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Does your dad pay your mom child support? Sounds like things are financially strained for your mom.

No my father has never paid mum child support. She is very strained and I also feel for her but also I forgot and then I remember and then she must feel that I don't care.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

If you are forgetting about getting your money, it means you don't need the money. Your mom must feel like she is enabling you too much.

Oh, now I am understanding why she's annoyed that she helps me buy stuff but then I forget to report... that makes sense

[A Red Panda]

Do you use any form of organization to keep track of things? There are so many different apps you can use to help you organize yourself. There are also many planning books. And calendars. And plain old pen and paper.

Honestly. It's not hard to do.

[black-roses]

There's memos on my phone but even with that I still lose my papers or forget where I store them.

[Trippin2.0]

Reminders on your phone that each have an alarm to accompany them?

[LucyG]

This is part of growing up and learning to take responsibility. Hopefully next time you'll remember after the hassle this has caused.

[unaluna]

Well, if you were out of the country on vacation, you cant have been actively looking for a job in your home location. In the USA, i dont think you can claim benefits in that situation anyway. Your mother is the one who took you out of the country. She should have realized the ramifications.

Adulting is a learning curve. We all had to learn, often by trial and error, how to manage our adult responsibilities. Take this as a learning experience and learn from it so it isn't a repeat problem.

I have a 21-year-old son who is in the midst of learning all this adulting stuff. I get it. Keep working at it.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Adulting is a learning curve. We all had to learn, often by trial and error, how to manage our adult responsibilities. Take this as a learning experience and learn from it so it isn't a repeat problem.

I have a 21-year-old son who is in the midst of learning all this adulting stuff. I get it. Keep working at it.

One thing I have learnt though is how to take care of my documents and not lose them. I kept my ID in my wallet and my wallet stays in my room unless I go out. At least I am responsible enough to take care of those

[eskielover]

I use my calendar app a lot. I can select a date & then I can specify an activity or time of that day & then it also sets an alarm that comes up on my phone that tells me what I have to do that day. Really helpful because even at 63, I loose track of the days when I have to do something if I don't have a written down reminder.....Love these phone apps. Don't know how I managed life before these conveniences.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I use my calendar app a lot. I can select a date & then I can specify an activity or time of that day & then it also sets an alarm that comes up on my phone that tells me what I have to do that day. Really helpful because even at 63, I loose track of the days when I have to do something if I don't have a written down reminder.....Love these phone apps. Don't know how I managed life before these conveniences.

I am wondering if there is actually an app that goes with a calendar where it texts you reminders or sets an alarm. I feel I need more of a verbal reminder lol

[eskielover]

My calendar app on my android phone gives a written reminder on the front page of my phone all day & lists all the things that are scheduled on that day & the things that I have to do.....like pharmacy, go take care of doggies for my friend, all appointments I have & I can even request that it gives me a day's notice or an hour before reminder also.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by eskielover

My calendar app on my android phone gives a written reminder on the front page of my phone all day & lists all the things that are scheduled on that day & the things that I have to do.....like pharmacy, go take care of doggies for my friend, all appointments I have & I can even request that it gives me a day's notice or an hour before reminder also.

Oh that sounds awesome. I'll try and see if I can find an app like that

[eskielover]

I got my android phone this last spring & it's the calendar app that came with the phone.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I got my android phone this last spring & it's the calendar app that came with the phone.

I actually realized I had the same kind of app on my phone. Then I remembered oh I have a psychiatrist appointment on the 6th of October so I put a reminder with an alarm.

[eskielover]

Good job.....it really helps? I find that unless someone points out capabilities on our phones there is so much it's overwhelming to just experiment around with it.

I absolutely fail to see how your mom, anyone, anything is being unfair. You need to address your irresponsiblity issues before you consider moving out. Until that time, as long as you live under your mother's roof, she can make the rules and set expectations. It is your responsibility to heed and respect them. By the way, what did you think would happen?

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I absolutely fail to see how your mom, anyone, anything is being unfair. You need to address your irresponsiblity issues before you consider moving out. Until that time, as long as you live under your mother's roof, she can make the rules and set expectations. It is your responsibility to heed and respect them. By the way, what did you think would happen?

I didn't think or expect anything to happen. She is usually a calm and patient person and things with my money but she can't make demands with what I can spend the rest of my money on. I literally tell people that my mother tells me off for buying what I want to buy and they basically say it's my money. It's not just this that she does that's unfair she also has to comment in my private life who I can and can't date which again is not her business because it is not her who has to live with it.

[black-roses]

It's not the money heck I don't care about paying rent that's an adult responsibility but still her nose in what I do with the rest of my money is borderline control freak. She literally asks what I spend on everything she has to know the amount if I don't answer I get yelled at. If I do answer I am irresponsible and can't live my life properly I do stupid ****. If I don't answer she says the same thing. The point is I am not pissed off with her because I have to be an adult because she taking MY FREEDOM OF CHOICE. Cause I can't spend that amount on myself on that thing unless she approves. It's was never about me running away from responsibility it's about her taking away my entire freedom and future. She tells me what courses I should do instead of me being the one that chooses for myself. Heck I am so afraid of choosing for myself because I know she'll say it's stupid and wrong.