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  #26  
Old Oct 04, 2016, 10:21 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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in all your posts it's the same thing someone else is responsible for you growing up. You keep saying your not ready to be responsible but then blame your mum for being in your business. You didn't remember to report the income because untimely you have no responsibility or consequences. If you were to move out you would have remembered because there would have been real life consequences. You are in a cycle, you have no real responsibility so you don't learn to be responsible enough to move out. By that logic you will live with your mum until she dies and then finally be forced to grow up.
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…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
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  #27  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 12:10 AM
Anonymous37887
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I agree with the above poster. You seem to be seeking out reasons in order to not claim any personal responsibility over your life, also you go off on random tangents that more often than not contradict your previous postings and have nothing to do with the feedback you are being given. Your problem with your Mum wanting to control your finances has nothing to do with you "forgetting" to report your income while you were overseas, that is on you, not your Mum. I find it hard to believe your side of events when what you say happened with your payments keeps on changing from post to post and thread. I think it is little wonder why your Mum may have concerns as to how you are managing your finances and life when you are showing this little concern towards meeting your obligations and it is unfortunate you are seeing it as her being controlling. Maybe put some real energy into truthfully organizing your financial obligations while you live under her roof and she might start to back off. If not, move out and see how well you fare.
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  #28  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 12:30 AM
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Originally Posted by -Bix View Post
I agree with the above poster. You seem to be seeking out reasons in order to not claim any personal responsibility over your life, also you go off on random tangents that more often than not contradict your previous postings and have nothing to do with the feedback you are being given. Your problem with your Mum wanting to control your finances has nothing to do with you "forgetting" to report your income while you were overseas, that is on you, not your Mum. I find it hard to believe your side of events when what you say happened with your payments keeps on changing from post to post and thread. I think it is little wonder why your Mum may have concerns as to how you are managing your finances and life when you are showing this little concern towards meeting your obligations and it is unfortunate you are seeing it as her being controlling. Maybe put some real energy into truthfully organizing your financial obligations while you live under her roof and she might start to back off. If not, move out and see how well you fare.
Well I guess I am kind in a contradicting cycle and to be honest sometimes I am not exactly sure how I will take that responsibility for myself. A personal weakness? Cowardice perhaps to afraid to except my weakness and dark side?
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  #29  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 12:32 AM
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The thing is that whenever someone tells me to take responsibility for my life why is it I view them as personally criticizing me? That's what I want to understand
  #30  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 12:39 AM
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Maybe you want all the privileges of being an adult without the responsibility and feel either entitled to that life or frustrated by the lack of motivation to break that cycle?

Growing up is hard work and scary. But in order to have the personal freedom you say you deserve you need to earn it
  #31  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 12:43 AM
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I feel like crying now to be honest thinking about it
  #32  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 12:46 AM
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why do you feel like crying?
  #33  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 12:55 AM
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I just don't know if I am ready to give up a childhood I never had. I also don't know if I will be strong enough for this adult stuff. Every time I do something that an adult does I fall into a heap and just have a panic attack. I'm so weak and useless
  #34  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 01:12 AM
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Like I said before it's scary but I commend you for being honest about your struggles. Do you have any support like a counsellor or a psych you can talk these issues through and work out a plan to overcome those feelings? If not I would start thinking about maybe talking to your GP to refer you to someone. You can do it and I think you would feel so much happier with your life if you had some charge of it
Thanks for this!
Nammu
  #35  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 07:13 AM
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[QUOTE=-Bix;5311223]Like I said before it's scary but I commend you for being honest about your struggles. Do you have any support like a counsellor or a psych you can talk these issues through and work out a plan to overcome those feelings? If not I would start thinking about maybe talking to your GP to refer you to someone. You can do it and I think you would feel so much happier with your life if you had some charge of it[/QUOTE

I can speak to my GP to get a referral to a place in Fremantle it's like a house for mentally ill people. Other than that my GP can refer me to groups bit I've always been the kinda person that preferred to deal with my feelings myself in my own way and my own time. That is why counselling has never been a fit for me because I don't want to be a counsellor like I am some emotionally damaged cripple. I'd rather not have anything to do with that stigma so my way of counselling is reading self help books and mediation. My doctor has recommended a psychologist I said I didn't need one translation I don't want one.
  #36  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 08:30 AM
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I'm not sure what stigmas you feel are attached to seeing a counsellor, especially in this day and age in Australia. It's a private and confidential service that can help you gain some tools for living. Freemantle has many free services you can access to get help, you just need to be proactive and not find excuses to avoid seeking help.
  #37  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 09:23 AM
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Originally Posted by -Bix View Post
I'm not sure what stigmas you feel are attached to seeing a counsellor, especially in this day and age in Australia. It's a private and confidential service that can help you gain some tools for living. Freemantle has many free services you can access to get help, you just need to be proactive and not find excuses to avoid seeking help.
I feel self conscious about seeing a counsellor
  #38  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 09:24 AM
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Like I can't explain it but I feel like I am looked as less of a person because I see a counsellor
  #39  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 09:56 AM
justafriend306
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...she can't make demands with what I can spend the rest of my money on... it's unfair she also has to comment in my private life who I can and can't date which again is not her business because it is not her who has to live with it.


You are living under her roof. It is her place to make these demands. You still haven't addressed your failure to be responsible with reporting your income. I am with your mother in that I would put my foot down about your spending habits until you have your financial responsibilities under control. Until you can prove to her that you are capable of making sensible decisions regarding spending habits it is her responsibility to place expectations upon you. If she weren't she wouldn't be doing a very good job of being your mother. It is her business.
Thanks for this!
black-roses, LucyG, Nammu
  #40  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 12:26 PM
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Angelique67 Angelique67 is offline
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Originally Posted by black-roses View Post
I forgot to report my income to centrelink so I received nothing. I forgot because I was 7 weeks out of the country during that time I didn't have to worry about reporting and job seekers appointment. In fact the whole time I was there the government didn't bother me for nothing it felt like a holiday not having to rely on centrelink just to have the money to stay alive. My mother as you can expect is angry but then herself she realized I made a human error and forgot. So I got that sorted then she said "if I relied on your money I'd be dead". I always get defensive when people say something like that but it is kind of true. Even if I am not being paid by centrelink there will always be utilities and expenses to be paid. Like if I had my own place and just forgot to pay it I'd be invicted. All this proves to me is that I am not yet ready to move out until I explore why I am having so many lapses and blank outs in my memory..
That's an amazing coincidence about the 7 weeks away/vacation.
  #41  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 08:00 PM
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Like I can't explain it but I feel like I am looked as less of a person because I see a counsellor
Counseling is private and confidential, the only people who would know you have attended an appointment is whomever you chose to share that information with. I don't understand your reasoning for thinking that you would be looked at as a lesser being for seeking help, I am sorry you feel that way as there is no shame in seeking help to better yourself. You should listen to your GP and get some help, it really seems like you would benefit from some therapy.
  #42  
Old Oct 05, 2016, 10:03 PM
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black-roses black-roses is offline
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Originally Posted by -Bix View Post
Counseling is private and confidential, the only people who would know you have attended an appointment is whomever you chose to share that information with. I don't understand your reasoning for thinking that you would be looked at as a lesser being for seeking help, I am sorry you feel that way as there is no shame in seeking help to better yourself. You should listen to your GP and get some help, it really seems like you would benefit from some therapy.
I will see my psychiatrist today and bring up farther counselling today
  #43  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 04:28 PM
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eskielover eskielover is offline
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I didn't think or expect anything to happen. She is usually a calm and patient person and things with my money but she can't make demands with what I can spend the rest of my money on. I literally tell people that my mother tells me off for buying what I want to buy and they basically say it's my money. It's not just this that she does that's unfair she also has to comment in my private life who I can and can't date which again is not her business because it is not her who has to live with it.
Honestly if you are being irresponsible with your spending of the rest of your money you would be irresponsible with it all given the chance & not having someone monitoring you.

First off you should be SAVING out of what you have left first off then any left over should be spent on things that you NEED, not WANT first. Big difference between the two.

My H is totally irresponsible with his money. I left him because of that & all the other irresponsible choices he made with his life. Tolerated it for way too long. From 2100 miles away, I tried to get a conservator for his disability money after he got the house foreclosed on & then when I found out he was using ALL his money & living on overdraft charges to pay all his bills. Honestly if he becomes homeless at this point it is because of his irresponsibility. You are lucky to have a mom caring for you....but you need to learn how to be responsible because later on there will be no one to watch out for you & on your own the way you are going in your older age you will look just like the jerk my almost ex H looks like to those who really know him. Sad when even his daughter sees him as a looser. I have shared with her what I think is really going on with him & it's not just adult ADD....but for those who really don't know the details, people who are irresponsible financially (not just down on their luck or effected negatively by the economy.....but truly irresponsible with their spending).....just look like losers to the outside world. You are at the age to learn how to be responsible so that when you do live by yourself without anyone holding you accountable....you will be capable of holding your own self accountable.
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Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
Thanks for this!
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  #44  
Old Oct 06, 2016, 09:55 PM
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black-roses black-roses is offline
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Honestly if you are being irresponsible with your spending of the rest of your money you would be irresponsible with it all given the chance & not having someone monitoring you.

First off you should be SAVING out of what you have left first off then any left over should be spent on things that you NEED, not WANT first. Big difference between the two.

My H is totally irresponsible with his money. I left him because of that & all the other irresponsible choices he made with his life. Tolerated it for way too long. From 2100 miles away, I tried to get a conservator for his disability money after he got the house foreclosed on & then when I found out he was using ALL his money & living on overdraft charges to pay all his bills. Honestly if he becomes homeless at this point it is because of his irresponsibility. You are lucky to have a mom caring for you....but you need to learn how to be responsible because later on there will be no one to watch out for you & on your own the way you are going in your older age you will look just like the jerk my almost ex H looks like to those who really know him. Sad when even his daughter sees him as a looser. I have shared with her what I think is really going on with him & it's not just adult ADD....but for those who really don't know the details, people who are irresponsible financially (not just down on their luck or effected negatively by the economy.....but truly irresponsible with their spending).....just look like losers to the outside world. You are at the age to learn how to be responsible so that when you do live by yourself without anyone holding you accountable....you will be capable of holding your own self accountable.

i realized that why my mother does it but if I hand over my card to her and let her control my money I never really learn for myself. I mean how do i learn from myself especially when it seems I don't wanna listen?
  #45  
Old Oct 07, 2016, 08:02 AM
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You have to want to learn & grow up. If you really want to learn you will ask questions & you will LISTEN & LEARN from the answers.

If you dont have the desire to grow up & be independent it will NEVER happen. It comes from inside you. There may be more going on with you than JUST ADD/ADHD. It would be good to get into therapy to get down to the bottom of WHY you are so dependent on your mom& why you dont seem to have the ability to evenreally want to LEARN how to grow up & be responsible. It doesnt just happen magically.

You seem to want the priviledges of adulthood without wanting the responsibility of acting & doing things responsibly & without the willingness or desire to learn. Your emotioal & intellectual maturity doesnt match your age. Therapy is a good place to start with learning why.
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Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
Thanks for this!
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  #46  
Old Oct 07, 2016, 08:06 AM
justafriend306
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i realized that why my mother does it but if I hand over my card to her and let her control my money I never really learn for myself. I mean how do i learn from myself especially when it seems I don't wanna listen?
I completely disagree. You can still learn to handle your money without having control over it.

Sit down with Mom and draw up a budget. It should include all items you must pay in addition to an agreed amount to put into savings. That would teach you how to manage your cash flow. At the end of the month (she should agree to this) you can take what is left - which should be a more reasonable amount) and use that as spending money. You might even learn to hold some of it back until the following month to get an item that costs a little bit more.

This will accomplish a number of things. First of all it will mean you don't find yourself in a financial bind instead ensuring you meet your responsibilities. It will in fact teach you a lesson in money management. It will teach you self-control and responsibility. Finally, after accomplishing these things you should feel a sense of confidence and feeling pleased with yourself.

Listen to your mother,
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  #47  
Old Oct 09, 2016, 12:36 AM
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Good advice justafriend......the only way to make it work is to do the work.

Sadly from what black-roses writes, it sounds like her problem is that she doesn't WANT to listen & just wants it to ALL MAGICALLY HAPPEN without having to do any of the work that it takes.....the underlying problem needing resolved is to find the willingness to do what is necessary to become responsible in the first place.

I was married to a guy for 33 years who even though a computer design engineer like I was, had to have his hand held in regards to anything financial....the most irresponsible person along with financiallybI have ever encountered in my life & had no desire to be responsible nor the capability mentally even with his high IQ & he made my life hell even after I left him he has been messing me up with his financial irresponsibility.

Black-roses, you complain because your mom also controls who you see. Probably because she sees you being as irresponsible in that aspect of your life as you are with money & cares enough about you not wo want to let you destroy your life in that area of it either. She probably sees your BAD CHOICES & wants to protect you from destroying your life
__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
Thanks for this!
Trippin2.0
  #48  
Old Oct 09, 2016, 01:54 AM
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black-roses black-roses is offline
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Originally Posted by eskielover View Post
Good advice justafriend......the only way to make it work is to do the work.

Sadly from what black-roses writes, it sounds like her problem is that she doesn't WANT to listen & just wants it to ALL MAGICALLY HAPPEN without having to do any of the work that it takes.....the underlying problem needing resolved is to find the willingness to do what is necessary to become responsible in the first place.

I was married to a guy for 33 years who even though a computer design engineer like I was, had to have his hand held in regards to anything financial....the most irresponsible person along with financiallybI have ever encountered in my life & had no desire to be responsible nor the capability mentally even with his high IQ & he made my life hell even after I left him he has been messing me up with his financial irresponsibility.

Black-roses, you complain because your mom also controls who you see. Probably because she sees you being as irresponsible in that aspect of your life as you are with money & cares enough about you not wo want to let you destroy your life in that area of it either. She probably sees your BAD CHOICES & wants to protect you from destroying your life
She tells me some of my friends has problems and not to worry to much about what other people say about me. Like I here a lot about people's mother's saying I am emotional damaged but then again they want me to pay a $1,000 rent and then like $200 a fortnight for food and then that friends mother just hated my mother because my mother told me she was trying to take advantage of me. That woman is very horrible also emotionally abuses my friend won't let here leave her house. Mum was telling me that the women is just a horrible person and not to worry about what she says about me because that is her problem and her karma not mine
  #49  
Old Oct 09, 2016, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by black-roses View Post
She tells me some of my friends has problems and not to worry to much about what other people say about me. Like I here a lot about people's mother's saying I am emotional damaged but then again they want me to pay a $1,000 rent and then like $200 a fortnight for food and then that friends mother just hated my mother because my mother told me she was trying to take advantage of me. That woman is very horrible also emotionally abuses my friend won't let here leave her house. Mum was telling me that the women is just a horrible person and not to worry about what she says about me because that is her problem and her karma not mine
So what do YOU think & feel about this?
__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
  #50  
Old Oct 10, 2016, 01:32 AM
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black-roses black-roses is offline
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So what do YOU think & feel about this?
I feel sad and concerned for my friends safety and mental health especially if she has a mother that tries to exploit people a similar age as to Rachel. It worrys me about the kind of things she may be saying to Rachel. Rachel tells me her mother bad mouthed all her friends and won't let her leave her. I feel sad for Rachel and I want to help her but I have no idea how I can do that. I try to be an emotional comfort to her making her understand that she should not be facing her mother's isSues that her mother is just sad with life and not to take it personally.
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