Replying to texts

Thanks. I just need to concentrate on myself from now on and forget about this guy. He hasn't been in touch so I think I'm going to keep drinking for now just to get past it. He doesn't care and I need to accept it and move on. It's going to be hard today as I have nothing to do. At least here I can post without getting dogs' abuse for just being me. That other forum has some nasty people on it. He agrees with them most of the time which says it all. I think I have put him off women for life. Well I won't go near a man again after him so it's fine. He probably hates me now.

It sounds like you feel really depressed and so hurt right now.

I feel ok when I wake up but as the day goes on I get more sad. I won't be on my own all day today though and that's good. I will probably just go to bed when I get home. If I can get through the days at work and the days on my own then I will be ok. I find myself wanting it to be time to go to bed when I wake up now, I really need to keep finding things to do.

Well if he doesn't text today I know he doesn't give a **** and won't text again. I just wish I didn't give a **** any more.

He hasn't texted. He couldn't care less. Well at least I know that's him out of my life for good and I can start concentrating on trying to forget him without the glimmer of hope in the back of my mind that he might get in touch. I have to find out if my landlady allows dogs and try and occupy my life with activities. I will try and stay off social media as much as possible as it doesn't always help. One way or another I have to get him out of my head. Probably self harm a bit more and try and avoid drinking though. I'll have to have another good cry and hopefully it will get it out a bit, but it never seems to. Please don't tell me someone else will come along though because they won't and I don't want it any more.

I'm sure this is difficult for you. How many days has it been? Maybe mark each day with doing something nice for yourself?? Even something small.
You can do this!

That's been a week past Sunday now. I think that's it now. I still have the memories which I can't get rid of. I don't know what else nice to do other than maybe pamper myself or eat chocolate cake. I could buy something but material objects don't really change things so I don't know. I can't be bothered with anything any more..

(((((cyberwoman)))))

Another day Cyber!!!!!

Yeah, another day and he's not been in touch. I was miserable when I was in contact with him but I'm miserable not talking to him too. I feel like this is worse. But I don't want to be around if he finds someone else. One of the reasons I left that other forum was because I thought I could see him getting attracted to another woman. I think she liked him too. He says he doesn't want anybody. I really think he might have met someone already. I don't know if he's being honest or not but I don't want to be around to see it.

Well another night without a text. Hopefully eventually I will stop feeling the need to post something every day he doesn't text. Then you will know I am getting over it. People must be bored of this by now so I won't go on about it. I need a place to rant about it though. This is somewhere to put my thoughts. I miss talking to him..

Guess I just have to accept it. Still hurts like hell though. I have company for a week though which is good..

I know I'm a gullible idiot when it comes to men. It still pisses me off that I fell for his lies when we were intimate. I can remember everything he said at the time and it sounded convincing. All for a quick bit of fun as far as he was concerned. Until I learn to recognise when when are telling ******** I need to stay away from them. I'm in my 40s so if I haven't worked it out by now I never will. Therefore I will stick to friends and pets now. For a woman in her 40s I am pathetic.

You are not alone being caught up in this kind of dynamic. I've been there myself, being toyed with, longing for affection. I now have learned to walk away from what is not healthy for me because it is NEVER going to give me what I want. Or I shielded myself from the pain of the rejection by leaving and interestingly, that is when he started to give me what I want.

In a perfect world, there would just be a healthy relationship right from the start.

I'm curious, what lies did he tell you that got you into bed before you had dated and gotten to know him?

I think being in your 40's is a great age afa relationships bec you're finally starting to understand who you truly are & what you want.
I'm also in my 40's & im finally learning this too. Took forever & soooo much struggling to go thru & get there. I'm still learning things about myself & hope to continue learning & growing to find my true self.
Please don't give up just bec of your age. Yes you've been hurt terribly & need time to recover. Give yourself that time to learn. Then when you're ready maybe you wanto try again...or not.
But we all can be ourselves & find ourselves with out the help of a partner.
It's all about the journey, not the destination.
I know, very cliche.
Wish you peace!

We had been chatting online for months before I went to meet him. He always sent me virtual hugs and kisses with the messages. We agreed on a lot of stuff. He told me he felt a connection with me. It was him that said he wished I lived in the area and I suggested coming on holiday to see him. He seemed pleased that I said it and I booked it. It cost me an arm and a leg. It would have been obvious I really really liked him. You don't spend that amount of money on anyone. My other friend online told him someone really liked him and he told me when we were intimate that he suspected it was me. He said he had been attracted to me. True, romance was never mentioned but it was obvious I was interested. He said he wasn't sure and was shy with women
That just made him more attractive to me. He was a gentleman all week and only kissed me on the cheek. I kissed him on the lips on the last day of the holiday and he didn't hesitate to respond. He told me when we were intimate that he would take it as slow as I wanted (relationship wise). Then when I went home he told me he only wanted to be friends. We didn't have sex. I wondered if that was what I did wrong. I just think he said he wanted a relationship when we were intimate so we would have sex at that time. I had told him before that that I didn't like casual sex. He was so nice and sweet at the time. It just seemed real when we were together and he was so lovely all week. I felt a bit used afterwards and fooled. He's really not a bad person, but he didn't understand how it was so hard for me to move on. I suppose it was nothing to him and I felt devastated when he rejected me. We had been talking online for a while before then. To me if he knew I wanted a romance and he didn't he should have told me not to come. It just made the feelings stronger and when he responded to me kissing him it just made things worse. After that I thought he really did like me. He just took advantage of the fact I liked him but he felt nothing. I still hope he'll text me but I need to stop thinking about it now.

Do you recognize the errors you made? Would you like my take on it?

Go ahead. I know I've been an idiot..

If you two never had sex and he was always a gentleman and never mentioned romance and only kissed you on a cheek, then I don't see how he took advantage of you? After a week he realized it's not going to work. He probably didn't know you arent a match until he met you and spend time. How could he know without meeting? I don't understand the issue.

Not an idiot. You just might have missed the cues.

These internet relationships are hard because they are long distance.

You talked a long time, and he said he wished you lived closer. That could have meant anything. He could have only been saying how 'this could have been a friendship or a relationship but you live too far away'.

Then you took it upon yourself to go there and your expense. This wasn't a good move, as he didn't invite you, and he didn't have anything invested in it.

So all the emotions were very unclear.

He didn't make any sexual moves, but you did initiate. So he took you up on it. Then he decided he didn't want to have a relationship with you.

I think he did what just about any guy would do in that same situation. It's not unusual for people to 'hook up' and then decide for whatever reason they don't want more with that person.

If you learn from this experience, you should take away better communication about interests and emotions before you invest too much in it.

Live and learn.

What do you mean by being intimate but not having sex? You kissing him on the lips? I am really confused now. You were talking about him taking advantsge and leading you on etc but now the entire story looks different. So there was no sex? What did he do that was lying or leading on?

He said he was attracted to me and that he would take a relationship as slow as I wanted when we were intimate. I don't think i ever said we had sex but he wanted to have it. It seemed to me that as soon as he realised we weren't going to have sex he changed his mind and decided that he didn't want a relationship. I feel like he only said he wanted a relationship at the time when we were intimate so I would sleep with him at that time. It wasn't just a kiss on the lips. It got a lot more intimate than just kissing.

Yes, he never mentioned romance, he said no expectations, but by that I imagine he meant it may or may not lead to something else. He told me he had suspected that I liked him and he was attracted to me. Or at least he did when we were intimate. I wonder if he ever did like me or he just took advantage when someone came along who offered it.

Yes I think I probably did pick up the signals the wrong way but it must have been obvious I liked him. I just wish he had said I'm not looking for a relationship. Or I just wonder what I did wrong. He said it wasn't me but it must have been. After talking to him for months I was completely besotted by him so I suppose that's what makes it harder. I fell for him in a big way. He can't understand what the big deal is either. I suppose talking to him afterwards didn't help but I thought I could deal with just friends. I couldn't and it just kept going in my head. No one else thinks it's a big deal either. It's like, "Get over it!" and that's it. I still miss him a lot..

Yes, I've certainly learnt not to get attached to anyone online. But also I don't want anyone any more. It hurts too much and if it takes this long to get over someone and is so hard it isn't worth it. Also there must be something wrong with me that he hasn't told me. I just wish I knew what I did wrong. If we weren't a match then I wish he had said why. He eventually said, not long ago it was because I drank and he wanted to live a spiritually focused life. But I wasn't even going to drink around him and I wouldn't have drank if it had upset him. I don't like smoking and he smoked but I have dated smokers before. It wasn't a problem for me. Drinking is a problem now because of this situation. However I have found other support sites which are helpful and might help stop it. I think if he had wanted it to work he wouldn't have dismissed it so easily but I don't know if he ever even wanted anything other than a quick bit of fun which happened to arise. I really don't know if he was honest with me when we were intimate or not but after the intimacy he seemed to change his mind and decide he didn't want anything which made me think he just said it at the time to make me sleep with him.

He's the only person I want, and feel I will ever want. I had interest from another guy but he just wasn't the same. I can't get over it and it doesn't matter if I'm talking to him or not, it hurts so much. I can't accept that it just wouldn't work as he said a few weeks ago. Maybe if he had said that at the time it would have made sense. I hinted at going to see him again a while back and he ignored it so he obviously doesn't want to. But he still wanted to be friends which confused me. I told him I wouldn't have jumped on him if he didn't want it. If it's because I made him feel awkward over the smoking it could have been worked round. It didn't put me off. He just didn't think I was worth it and that hurts just as much as lying to me to get sex. I was worth a quick shag but nothing more. And yet he still wanted to be friends. Maybe he thought I would just move on and forget about it. But I couldn't which is maybe why he has cut me off. I don't know what went on in his head but I suppose really I wasn't good enough for him whether it was sexual or relationship wise. I feel crap now about myself and before I was ok. My self esteem has disappeared over it. And now he isn't talking to me it just makes it worse. Whatever his reason for rejecting me I feel ****.

Well he didn't initiate anything. If all he wanted was sex he'd come on to you. He didn't.You initiate intimacy and of course he went along. He maybe thought you want sex as you went to see him uninvited and came on to him. He did tell you at least one reason. Drinking is a very valid reason for not dating someone. You saying that you wouldn't drink in front of him. That's not good enough explanation.

Him saying he is attracted to you just indicates that. Not anything more. I've been attracted to many men in my life. It doesn't mean I was in a relationship with them all

People have rights to make choices. Honestly after spending a week people don't owe each other explanations. It's good enough to say you change your mind. It also is ok to change ones mind. I really can't find what he did was so terribly wrong. He didn't lead you on and ended it quickly before it even started.

Him offering friendship is not that unusual. I would stop offering to come see him. He already told you he doesn't want a relationship

I'd focus on other things trying to move on

He didn't need to respond to me initiating intimacy if he just wanted to be friends. I wasn't drinking or using it as a crutch when I went on holiday. This situation has made me start it again. He must have known I wanted more than sex as I told him I didn't like casual sex so he could have pulled away when I kissed him.

I know the problem is me and I can't move on. I really don't want anyone else or ever will want another relationship and would be much better on my own. The other guy who was interested could tell I still liked him and backed off and I never felt the same about him. I don't have enough self esteem to deal with this situation or go through liking someone that much and be rejected again. No one could deal with me anyway and I am better off on my own. I hate myself and everything about me and that will never change now so it wouldn't be worth it.