Replying to texts

I looked at your profile. You have issues that all play into how you feel. Have you been diagnosed? Do you get therapy?

Have you always had these relationship struggles?

It's true, the bottom line is your self esteem is so shaky that the stress of rejection is causing you severe triggers and causing you to SH (drinking).

That doesn't mean you can't improve and eventually find a great relationship.

Try not to beat yourself up and hate yourself. That's the place to start.

No therapy now I have a new diagnosis of schizophrenia. They don't give therapy to people with that as they don't think it helps, which is wrong, but is the way they work. I had a diagnosis of OCD for 23 years before that. I've never had relationship counselling and you need to be in a relationship to get that. Some therapists won't help people with mental health issues.

I think it's best for me to work on my self esteem, but I can't see anything good about me which could make me more confident. I haven't any self worth. I get self esteem from men I like liking me back. If men don't find me attractive I tend to feel less happy. I don't know why I'm like that. What's worse is when they reject me. If I could accept myself or like myself without needing others to validate me ut would be good but I can't. People have to compliment me before I start to believe anything. I shouldn't have to rely on compliments to feel good about myself. But I do. I post things on the internet and feel a failure if no one likes the posts. That's not a healthy road to go down. The good thing about this site is it doesn't tell you when someone has liked a post. It's all very sad.

I still miss the guy. He has cut me off completely. I haven't had a text for about 2 weeks. I can't move on from this and am getting excited when I get a text but it's someone else. It's not good to live this way. At least I am on holiday now and that gives me something to think about and other people to talk to. But I'm not that far from where he stays now and it makes me sad that I can't see him. It's not healthy and I need to think of something else just now.

What do you mean they don't give therapy? Can't you seek your own? Also I
am not sure why do you need to be in relationship to seek counseling, you can seek relationship therapy because you have hard time finding a relationship etc Also therapists most certainly do see people with MI.

We have a national health service here where health care is for free, and it would cost money for me to get one. I don't know how much. It might be different in the US, but I think you need to be in a relationship to get counselling and some do turn down people with mental health issues. I know this because I tried it before. I don't think at my age that I can be changed. I would rather be on my own now anyway..

I am not sure but I think maybe you can ask your doctor for referral? Perhaps about alcohol abuse? Or something else?

I could ask my GP but a 10 minute appointment wouldn't explain my situation. I would have to write a letter, which might take up a large amount of the 10 minutes to read. We only get 10 minute appointments in the UK. But I could give it a go. I have seen an alcohol counsellor before who said I only had a problem if I thought it was a problem. It is to an extent but only when I have a big issue to deal with. Certainly relationship counselling isn't something I need now but alcohol is a real issue so as far as that goes it might be worth talking to her about that. I need to discuss these feelings for this guy that I can't deal with healthily with someone too though and a general therapist would be good for that.

its a lot of work to be in a relationship.since its starting out bad in my opinion i would not waste my time with them.

Wow. I had an alcoholic BF who didn't think he had a problem. So your doctor don't think one has s problem unless they think they have a problem? Wtf. Would he say that people have diabetes if they think they have it? Looks like they just don't want to pay for it so they say you have no problem. So frustrating

Well I used to binge drink once a week and have gone back to that. It wasn't a doctor that said it, it was an alcohol counsellor. I think if I had been drinking every day he might have said I did have a problem. I don't know. Maybe they didn't want to pay for it. It was an NHS service so I probably wouldn't have paid myself. When I was on that forum and interacting with the guy and others I didn't really want a drink. I need a healthy alternative to drinking and then I think I could replace it quite easily.

The guy hasn't texted for over 2 weeks now and I am feeling pretty sad when I remind myself of it. But I have temporary distractions just now which is good. I will be on my own again next week though which isn't helpful and I'll probably be back to my miserable self then. Just to warn you..

Don't respond to his texts right away, if he is trying to engage you in a conversation waiting a few hours, or the next day, to respond will stop a conversation from starting but your not ignoring him.

Some people have been giving you very good advice. I am frustrated that you seem too quick to give excuses.

If I read this right, you have already been diagnosed as schizophrenic.

See your family doctor. You don't need to outline every problem you have. The ten minutes is more than enough time to mention your diagnosis and need to get psychiatric help. psychiatric Help does exist within your healthcare system. I suppose if this is not the case, your doctor will be able to suggest alternatives. If you have a diagnosis, your doctor incidentaly should already have a record of that.

Meanwhile there are other things you can do. There will be other mental healthcare providers you have access to: psych nurses, clinics, mental health association, call centres, and even the schizophrenia society. Also you could check out local support groups. There may be ones specifically for schizophrenia but you should also be welcome to the more generalized mood disorders groups too.

Finally, you are the one responsible for your health and obtaining care.

Now, as for the original question: do you continue to communicate with this individual or expect him to do so.

I believe the answer is NO. You have no obligation to do so an neither does he. If either side continues to respond to the efforts of the other, communication will not only prolong things but even give the wrong message that either remains interested.

I am really sorry you are going through this anguish. I believe the time will come that this will be behind you.

I am making excuses to an extent but I am being discharged from mental health services in a few weeks and with a diagnosis of schizophrenia their care plan is a case of keep taking the tablets and that's it. I don't even agree that I have schizophrenia anyway, I've only had one psychotic episode and you're supposed to have three before you are diagnosed with it. What I suffered was withdrawal psychosis from taking a high dose of antipsychotics for five years and coming off them from 200mg to 0. Also I couldn't sleep after coming off them as they had had a sedatory effect. This just made things worse. I'm on 1mg of Abilify now and have no psychotic symptoms.

I think the alcohol counsellor is a viable option though I don't know if they talk about triggers and working through them or not. I would have to pay through the nose for a therapist though as I won't get one through the NHS. I don't need a relationship counsellor as I'm not going to get involved with anyone again. The alcohol counsellor is NHS funded so if I can deal with it on my own I would but it is an option if I can't. NHS services are stretched as it is so if I can do it myself it would be better. A psychologist would be better but I don't qualify for one. I have had psychologists in the past and they haven't managed to help me stop the OCD but that is partly my fault for not trying hard enough.

I have been involved with mental health services for about 20 years so they see me as a lost cause I think. If I was 20 years younger they might be interested in helping but they're not so having access to their 'care' is not that simple. They are washing their hands of me in a few weeks and honestly I don't think they can help anyway let alone are willing to so I hope I don't ever have to be involved with them again. Everything other than an alcohol counsellor will have to be paid for now and I have to save up a bit to afford any future treatments. I am thinking of trying out alternative therapies first to see if they will help me in any way. If I come completely off the Abilify that will be the time for it as I will be more vulnerable then. It's my personal choice and feel it is more healthy than popping pills which will quite possibly kill me. As you say I am responsible for my health and if it all goes wrong only I will be to blame.

I am confused how can they discharge people with schizophrenia? Like they think it will go away? If you think your diagnosis is wrong then What were taking anti psychotic for? You must have something that require that. They don't give anti psychotic for OCD. My husband has severe OCD. There are meds but not anti psychotic! I don't understand how can they say you don't mental health services and that heavy drinking mixed with your meds and with your diagnosis is ok. Just don't get it. Do you work full time? Able to fully support yourself?

I will probably have six monthly appointments with the psychiatrist for a while but they will be 10 minute appointments. Then I will be seen probably just by the GP. They do this for a lot of people. The antipsychotic was used to augment the effects of the antidepressant I was receiving for OCD. I'm still on antidepressants and probably always will be. I don't know if they ever would use an antipsychotic as the main drug of choice for OCD. But it is supposed to make the antidepressant work better. I haven't really discussed the drinking with them and I don't think it would make any difference if I did but I could mention it next time. It will be the last time I see a nurse so it will be the last long chat I have. I don't think it will change anything but I will discuss it with them. They don't really deal with alcohol abuse at the place I go to anyway.

I don't do paid work, just voluntary. I receive benefits just now. That might change as I have an assessment coming up. But it might make it harder to get them if I am discharged. I really don't know.

I thought I would update this thread. I've heard from this guy twice since I last posted on the thread. We haven't said much but he told me he cared for me, thought about me and loved me as a friend but felt that I wanted to be on my own for a while. I do still miss having conversations with him, it was so much easier before we were intimate but I would always have been attracted to him even if we never met and I would have kept reinforcing my fantasies about being with him.

I saw the other guy again but he will never be like this man. Even being hundreds of miles away from him I haven't managed to get over it. It's really pathetic but even though I've slept with the other guy again I can't move on from him in my mind. I suppose that I'm lonely sometimes and the other guy is interested. Really all I want is a cuddle and falling asleep in someone's arms but I am agreeing to sex more for him than for me. I don't need it in my life, just a close relationship and emotional intimacy, not intercourse. He is refusing to use a condom and we have fallen out over it. I feel guilty for not sleeping with him because of that but I don't miss the sex.

I've now found out that the other guy who I haven't really spoken to for a while has joined a forum I am on. He doesn't post on it so we're not talking but as I had unfollowed him I realised he might work out I had done that so I have followed him again. It doesn't really help but I don't want to be rude and unfriend him and as he's done nothing to me to deserve it and is a nice person and to be honest I have no inclination to. For a while it was getting easier though, and it is bringing memories back seeing his posts. The good thing is as he doesn't post on the forum I'm keeping occupied and am talking to other people which has taken my mind off of it.

Feel free to tell me off for answering his texts. We haven't really said much but I still replied. With the other guy the way he is it feels like I am better off on my own as I said earlier on here. I just wish I could stick to my plans and not take someone who doesn't care about me back.

I read a weird post by this guy about Facebook yesterday. He was moaning about it and all the people on it basically. Why he is on it if he hates it I don't know. He moaned about people who feel like they belong and that someone understands when they get a like. For some of us with low self esteem this is an issue but to mock people who don't like themselves very much is a bit off. It might not be healthy but as human beings feeling like you belong somewhere is an instinct. I was bullied at school so I've always felt abnormal and a freak. So feeling like someone understands is important, even if it's something as meaningless as a like. Being mocked for being a sad ***** isn't exactly supportive. I don't think it was directly aimed at me at all but I was upset. I just unfollowed him again. Whether he knows it or not I have no idea but I'm still sensitive to his posts, even if he does it won't bother him as he has no feelings for me. I think the text about him loving me as a friend and caring about me was a load of rubbish. Short and abrupt answers from him by text sum it up really. He doesn't want to know.

If he has no time for me I have to just forget he ever existed but to be polite about it I'm just unfollowing him so I don't have any reminders of him. I know people are fed up with this thread now, I maybe should have it closed rather like closing this whole chapter of self delusion and fantasy world existence I seem to cling on to. I think the whole book needs to be closed for good. It's not the first time I've deluded myself over a guy and pretty much 99.9% of the time the guy hasn't given a damn. I really need to swear off them for life.

Get off forums and facebook for awhile and see if you can find activities irl. I think..,

Yes, I imagine everyone has had enough of me and it would save me money. I will probably not be able to afford it soon anyway but I won't go out in my 'home' town because people are quite unfriendly and nasty so I would have to go further afield but I don't have enough money for that any more. I have to tighten my belt and save up as I am going to be taken off my disability benefit and Christmas is coming up. It's a nice idea though. It's just a bad time financially now.

Thanks for the advice anyway.

If you have scisophrenia I don't see how they could take you off disability. What do they want you to do?

Everyone in your town is unfriendly and nasty? Could you ask your service providers for help meeting nicer people. I know things cost money but you can go for a walk? Or something like that.

My OCD means walking is difficult and the only place near me that isn't too bad is always full of nasty youngsters. So not really.

I will take your advice though and stay off the internet. I should probably give up this forum, it's not like I help anyone here. Thanks for all the advice.

If they say I'm fit for work, I'm unemployable but that doesn't matter, I might have to do 30 hours job search a week or 30 hours voluntary work so that will give me something to do. I will at some point have to move back with my parents I think, I won't have enough money to live on my own after a short time on unemployment benefit. You don't get much so I'll have to live off savings for a while or just move back straight away.

Good luck and thanks for all your help.

I hope that you will stay.

((((cyberwoman)))))

Thanks but I think people have had enough of me on here and I can't help anyone anyway. I don't know which person to message to close my account though.

Good luck.

(((Cyberwomen)))

I'm so sorry you are leaving. I have wanted to reply and see how much you are hurting and it breaks my heart. You sound so heartbroken and I wish I had words to heal you but know it doesn't work like that. Time does heal but it never feels fast enough and that kind of suffering just eats away at you. (((Hugs)))

Why? Don't leave! I hope I didn't make you leave! I was referring to you reading what these guys (your exes) post on forums or FB and then feeling upset. It made sense to me to stop doing that, but PC has nothing to do with it. This forum is anonymous plus has sub forums for your specific mental illness. Don't go!

I think I am finally accepting that this guy will never be interested in me. However he texted me yesterday and I think after that chat and his seeming disinterest in my news (I've been to the hospital after falling ill, thought I was going psychotic and might be taken off my benefits) and the fact that I always try to support him I think I'm just going to tell him he doesn't have to contact me if he doesn't want to. It seems like an obligation rather than a genuine interest in me as a friend and he really doesn't need to do something he doesn't want to. He cut off the conversation early and clearly doesn't want to talk to me so I think it's best that he forgets about me. He needs to stick to people he wants to be friends with. For me it's a case of out of sight, out of mind and that is the best I can do for myself and for him.

Thanks for all the advice on this. I have closed my fb account and am leaving here although it has been helpful and wish everyone the best. xx