[tamana]

I'm living at home. with my parents.

My mum has said to me last night that she no longer wants to be my mum. She feels that I have my brothers, my dad and my friends and that I will not need her. She said to me to not call her mum anymore.

She feels like she is a servant in the house and feels that we think of her as a dog. She mentioned that I had been rude to her because I don't go to her and talk to her and rather my brothers, friends and dad rather than her to take.

This all happened yesterday and had been accumulating over time. I had went to my dad for a talk about the way my manager had been discriminating me and felt a bite better after our talk with dad. My mum heard that I was talking to my dad and decided to come to me after she prayed. I had felt much better and therefore didn't want to talk about it as it would cause more stress. therefore I told my mum that I had already talked about it to my dad and she walked out and said that's it I don't want to talk to you anymore.

She is very upset as she feels she has no one and everyone sees her as a servant.

I fear allah and the punishment of hurting my mum.

[Skeezyks]

Hello tamana: This appears to be your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

Your mum is clearly struggling with her own mental health issues. I don't know how old you are. But, under any circumstances, you are not responsible for your mum's mental health issues. And it's not your responsibility to try to heal her. (To the extent that anyone is responsible, it is your dad, not you.)

The reality of the situation is that, even if you want to try to heal your mum, you cannot. No one can heal another person. We can each only heal ourselves to the extent that we choose to try to do so. Others can sometimes help us. But we have to make the first move & do the bulk of the work ourselves. If we cannot, or will not, others cannot do it for us.

It is SO unfortunate that your mum is acting what she's acting... guilting you in an effort to make herself feel better about her own lack of self-worth. You don't deserve this. Sadly, it has been thrust upon you nevertheless. I'm afraid about all you can do is to try not to take this personally... try not to take it on as being YOUR problem. It's not.

Perhaps you might talk (privately) with your dad about this, if you feel comfortable doing so. Although from what you wrote it sounds as though talking things over with your dad started some of this to begin with. So you may want to be careful about that too.

If you are still in school, & there is a school counselor available, you might consider talking with that person. And, of course, you can continue posting here on PC. The important thing is, from my perspective, not to let the emotions you are feeling with regard to this continue to roll around in your mind. In some way or other, it's important to talk them through with someone in real life, if you can; or at least to perhaps write about them somewhere... here on PC, or in a journal if you keep one... something like that. I wish you well...

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

She reminds me of my mother, and not in a good way at all. My mother was a similar way inclined, and I'm mostly grateful she's not been a part of my life for many a year. I'd leave her to her own business for a while until she comes to her senses, if she even does. She should know better than to abandon her kid like that because of something so inconsequential. Maybe she's just not well, acting like that. Based on what you've written there, I wanna say that I don't think you've done anything wrong. I'm not voting, because I don't support either option, frankly.

What does your dad say about all this? Also, if that's how your mother behaves, I don't blame you for going to your dad. My mother had a habit of making a mountain out of a molehill and making everything about her, while simultaneously putting me so far down I felt worthless; needlesss to say, it had longterm negative affects on me.

I fear allah and the punishment of hurting my mum.

I'm not religious, and I don't think I'm especially spiritual, so I'm sorry if my words caused offense. Also, it sounds more like she's hurting you.

Oh, one last thing: do you have a spiritual guide of sorts you can speak to about this? Someone you can be confidential with. I'm not familiar with your religion so I'm not sure how that works, but if you have someone like that for spiritual guidance, perhaps it could help?

[tamana]

Thank you so much sheezyks and Ichbinkeinteufel you have both given me comfort and left me at ease.

My mum felt better the next day and I had a talk to her. She wants me to engage her in all my worries or problems or anything that occurred in my day, as she said "I want you to tell me everything, you don't have to but I want you to". I feel a bit restricted and worried if I had taken this path as I don't feel it's nessessary and unhealthy because her advice is somewhat judging me on what I have to do or what I should be like or what I didn't do.

Our house is a unit with no privacy, as I study in mums room and sleep in dads room. Mum wants to be included but I want my privacy and I don't feel comfortable sharing my struggles with her as she tends to make me doubt myself.

She does want me to talk to her nicer and feel that she is right, I just have to communicate to her in a nicer way without feeling contrôlée my her as my decision are limited by her demands.

I also feel that I should be stratigic when talking to someone else in the house to not let my mum see me talking to them as this might cause more tensions.

It's hard to let my mum know that me telling her everything is unhealthy for the both of us. I know she wants to because she feels a sense of motherhood and she herself used to tell her mum everything at night to her mum.

I feel I need to seek other peoples guidance and attention when I'm struggling.

My dad would not be the best person I would tell about my mum, I think I would get in trouble my my mum and dad. I'm 23 at uni and living at home. My mum is 54 and has a childcare centre at home and my dad is 74 working at the laundry in nursing home from 5.00am to 3.00pm my councillor is far away and I have uni work + 3 new jobs so im unable to fit coucelling in right know.

How would u approach ur mum in this situation?

[Nammu]

I think your mum just wants reassurance that she is a vital part of your life. Perhaps just reassuring her that you love her and that she is a part of your life, that her life does have meaning will go a long way.

[tamana]

Thank you nammu for your practical advice, much appreciated ��