I am falling in love with a bipolar girl need advice

It sounded like the OP was changing his mind and just wanted to hear from some people with experience to make sure he was making a good decision. To the OP, not all peoe with bipolar are emotionally erratic all of the time nor are they cheaters. Some are and I cannot speak for your girlfriend...you obviously have more experience with her behaviors than we do....but I can speak for myself and say I'm a good catch despite my illness. Good luck with your decision and hugs to you and your girlfriend

She's running around sleeping with many people by the sounds of it. He said he told her she shouldn't consider him her soul mate so I fail to see him stringing her along. I'm not saying he didn't, I just don't have enough evidence to convict him of such a crime yet.

Like I said before it's everybody's personal choice who to date and what they consider a burden.

But I wouldn't date someone who drinks or many other things etc etc etc for my own personal reasons. But I never led anyone on and certainly never used them for sex!

I just decline dating them. I don't believe it's judgemental not to date everyone who comes along. I don't think it's judgmental not to date someone with whatever mental illness. It is s valid personal choice. Why lead people on though? Why not inform them that you'll never have relationship with them but want to continue sleeping with them? Why use them? It's unkind

She's single! How is sleeping with many people being dishonest or doing anything other than being young and available? He told her not to consider him her soul mate 3 years after he started stringing her along and using her for sex. Seriously?!

This is just misogynistic.

Wow .... Just Wow

So it's okay that he didn't want a relationship with her as she was honest and upfront but HE continued having sex dates with her and she had no clue he dismissed her as dateable due to BP

He has not one single right to question who she sleeps with, hell he kept hitting that when he clearly decided he would not be in a relationship, so yeah he is a real catch...

He WAS taking advantage of her based on All the information HE posted .

It's sad to see people with MI to pick and choose which ones deserve stigma and what doesn't.

Smh

Thank you, Christina, I was beginning to think I had gone insane.

She's hitting it with others even though she clearly wants to be with him. I'm sorry people are questioning their sanity because of my posts. We see things differently. This guy came here looking for support and instead has been ripped a few new ones. Maybe that is how he learns....some peoe do make positive changes after having a new one ripped....but not everyone learns under such conditions. I'm probably wrong and he will come back and be very grateful for the blatant honesty...but perhaps there are other readers of this thread who have similar questions to his and would dare open themselves up after seeing this thread. We all learn in unique ways. There are more than one side in situations like these.

I tested out of high school in 7th grade. My 4th grade teacher warned me I would have a tough ride in this world because I see things differently. Please understand I can't help but see things as I do.

I don't think this has anything to do with intelligence level. It seems to me you are crediting the OP with things he never said instead of judging the situation on the information at hand.

My point is I'm not as socially educated as some might be. What did you ASSUME I meant?

Everyone likes to leave intelligence out of everything and then we wonder why we have wars.

Okay, that's a random and irrelevant statement to this thread. And some may take it that you're trying to throw an insult--like insinuating that the rest of us aren't using intelligence in assessing the situation, but fortunately I don't care if you are trying to be insulting or not.

I didn't ASSUME you meant anything. What it did sound like to me though was that you were trying to justify the "rightness" of your opinion by touting your ability to see things that aren't there. But that's exactly my point, you're assuming things that we can't know.

As I said, I think you're crediting the OP with things he did not say and things we don't know, instead of paying attention to what he HAS said.

As someone without bipolar illness, I view it differently. It's not something I'm looking for in a relationship and if I found someone I was with had it, I would stop the relationship. Too much drama.

I'm BP. And sure I can be a burden... just as anyone with or without a MI can be! You stigmatized her from the get go and she was just living her life as any single person would. And just because someone has BP doesn't mean they're out sleeping around every chance they get. I cringe when I hear people talk like that's all we do lol. She's a human. She has feelings too. She was absolutely honest with you. Take it or leave it.

I was not being insulting and I'm glad you don't care one way or another. Saves me the time in explaining myself and I'm okay with you assuming I was being insulting.

I do feel comfortable with my opinion and hope you feel comfortable with yours. We all think we are right otherwise we wouldn't stand upon the soapbox and preach to the choir. I realize I might be wrong however. It happens often. To each their own. May your opinions bring you happiness, joy and continued clarity.

To the OP, recognize that not all people responding on this thread have bipolar and I'm sorry you are not being given an accurate representation of the mind of all people with bipolar. That would be impossible. Someone once told me about a book called "loving someone with bipolar disorder" perhaps you can check that out?

As a person who was diagnosed with bipolar at 43, I managed to be a 30 year army spouse, raised two kids almost by myself, I'm college educated with a BA in poli/sci and a state teachers' license. I never slept around, I didn't spend money we didn't have, never did drugs, rarely drink, have never been in jail, only hospitalized once. I am independent, well read, stable both financially and mentally.
But you know what? I'm not telling any one about my illness except on a need to know basis.

dude you are way off base acting the way you did with the girl and yes, most of us here who have bipolar are going to take this personal. I know I did.

Looks like someone brought a grenade to the knife fight.

Wow. Are you kidding me? Just wow.

No one looks for someone who has any kind of illness or disorder. But bailing on someone the second you hear they have a diagnosis? Wow.

Having bipolar does not mean that you create drama. Drama is created by a multitude of people: immature, sexist, racist, spoiled, judgemental, hypocritical, entitled, I could continue with the adjectives.... Some of those drama-causing personalities have bipolar, many do not, and many people who have bipolar do not match those adjectives.

The drama in my own life? I seem to be a great target for being bullied (work, family, "friends"). I've also been cheated on and treated like **** in relationships - when the guy has initiated the relationship, the pace, and the seriousness of them.

Those are not caused by me.

The "drama"? I bring with me to the table? I paid my own way through my university degrees, I own a house, I care for 4 pets, I save enough money to still be able to travel, I have full-time employment as a teacher, I've never once been fired from any job, I take good care of my money, I do not do drugs, I do not cheat, I do not sleep around, I don't gamble..... Do I go through periods of depression where I get behind on things? Yep I sure do. But I manage it quite independently.

How am I a burden?

People need to stop making this personal and create unneeded drama. If you want people to think bipolar people aren't high maintenance, insecure and drama-loving, maybe do so by being cool-headed and reserved. Not take things personal, stir up drama, and then tell us you do it because you also have the BP label. Only then to go into detail about your personal lives about how you are not high-drama or undependable. This thread was never about you.
Yes, many bipolar people are probably not like this. I am only calling out people for their actions, not their label. But the people I am calling out care for their label.

People are going to reject almost every person they meet as a potential partner. Often for shallow reasons. That is what romance is all about. The fact is, a partner having a MI is a red flag for most and a nogo for some. Bipolar or something else. That's just how it is.

There are some strange things in the OP's story. Both have acted confused and send mixed messages. But he wasn't mean to her and he didn't rule her out 100% purely on her BP label. In fact, he was annoyed by her BP-like traits before she admitted she had it. It's not the label, it's her behavior. Her having BP or not, is no excuse.

If she is the type of person (or has the type of bipolar) that puts a lot of demands on him, and he isn't willing, reading or able to deal with that and enjoy it, these two people are not made for each other.

And yes, she slept with other people while they weren't together, and he didn't. So how is he stringing her along? And not the other way?

He strung her along because he decided internally near the beginning of their relationship that he would not be involved with her yet continued to sleep with her without telling her that. That's textbook stringing along. It wasn't until much later that he began telling her that he didn't want a romantic relationship with her.

Seems to me they both knew what kind of relation they had, and neither had any plans to change it. And she even put that into actions. Only when she suggested they move back to living in the same place, a serious real relationship came up again.

He left for his job. He didn't explain why they didn't move together. He didn't tell a lot of details. Yet you are all picking it apart.

I don't think it has anything to do with bipolar. It's ok to think that person with XYZ (insert whatever you want here) will be a burden hence the solution is do not date those people or be up front and honest about your intentions.

Stringing people along and being dishonest about ones intentions is dishonorable.

It's such common sense and common knowledge and such a basic moral value that its unclear to me why someone would not understand this (maybe a very young person who is still learning about values).

Sweeping generalizations made about bipolar in this thread:
1. Get very angry over nothing
2. Untrustworthy/dishonest
3. Abnormal
4. Sleep around
5. Unable/willing to be in traditional relationships
6. Cause a lot of drama
7. Are a burden.

Those are not things said about this girl specifically. So yes, it's personal.

If someone was to say something blatantly racist, such as saying that all Muslims are terrorists, all native Americans drunks, all African-American's criminals, all Mexicans illegal immigrants..... Those statements would be taken personally. This isn't different.

About this girl specifically? What we know?

1. She got upset easily early in the dating.
2. She wanted a relationship
3. She was honest about her diagnosis.
4. While being single she has had plenty of one-night stands.
5. She still wants a relationship with him.

What we know if the OP:
1. When the girl got upset easily he called her bipolar (which is promotion of stigma and not different from saying someone is OCD for liking things clean or other such terms)
2. When he learned of her diagnosis, he IMMEDIATELY decided he no longer wanted a relationship with her. This decision wasn't due to her being easily upset. It was the diagnosis.
3. He did not tell her that he no longer wanted a relationship.
4. He continued having sex with her.
5. Eventually he lied about "not being ready" for a relationship (when more accurately it was that he did not want one wth her due to her diagnosis)
6. He talks about how they have a great connection. The only barrier is her diagnosis.
7. While single she had slept around whereas he hasn't. (A. He cut off the relationship aspect and B. He moved away so her private life can't be judged)
8. He is worried that she isn't trustworthy.

Who is the person in that situation being the cause of any pain? The OP.

So those of us who take this personal, it is because we don't like to watch the spread of stigma. Which is what people are doing in this thread.

"and I would tell her I was not ready for a relationship."


This is just stupid. I am done. OP is gone. You people are rambling. No point talking sense.

'I sarcastically said one day "you're acting bipolar"- this is when she told me she was bipolar and her father is bipolar as well. At this time I made a decision that I wouldn't let myself get into a serious relationship with her. I did not voice this to her though. We continued to see each other and hook up but the traditional dates stopped. We basically were hooking up and we're friends HOWEVER she very strongly waned to date me'

Yet, you overlook that the above statement came 3 years before he said to her he didn't want a relationship.

Who's picking and choosing? You are. I'm glad you are done. You're the one not making any sense. Sorry to break that to you.