I am falling in love with a bipolar girl need advice

She's having sex with more than one person? OMG in this day and age how could she? Seriously though, this is not abnormal behavior considering he has rejected the idea of having a relationship with her for what, 3 yrs now? But he has a right to judge whether she has sex with others? I think not. He won't commit to a relationship with her but mentions how she dates others and has sex. Unless my partner is willing to have an exclusive relationship with me, I'm not bound to be exclusive myself and it's just silly to expect such from me without giving the same commitment.

He decided after a few weeks he didn't want a relationship with her and he mentions multiple times that she has said she wants one with him. He initially strung her along without telling her his stance on it. Sounds to me as stringing someone along, I am not sure if you're just not reading the OP or that you're ignoring certain aspects of what's going on on purpose but either way it seems clear to not just me but a few others at least.

To be honest HE sounds like the one with a problem, and seems to be a guy that is one of the "cake and eat it too" types of people. he wants to keep her around for the sex and fun but doesn't want to commit. She, in his words actually shows she Is ready to commit but he keeps saying no.

I wonder if he's sleeping (running around as you put it) himself. I bet he is.

With all due respect, after 3 yrs of being jilted, rejected when you want to be with someone and commit, don't you think it might affect how you feel about them? Withdrawn? doesn't say she loves you as much anymore? Honestly I would have completely withdrawn out of the relationship altogether by now if it were me.

The problem with the relationship is that you are unwilling to commit to her and she's backing off, understandably. Nothing in what you've said in the Original post or now points to any abnormal or strange behavior, let alone related to bipolar.

I have no problem with her sleeping around. She could be a prostitute and I wouldn't judge. You missed my point and I'm not even going to bother clarifying further. Have a nice day.

ok just re reading everything in this post, after seeing this one I want to ask you something.

How is her behavior with you and how is your relationship with her? You talk and talk and talk you said in another post and stated that you get along but yet the 'stories' you've seen about bipolar people in relationships is causing you anxiety about being with her. My question is this. do you want to make a decision on something life changing like a relationship choice, based on what she is like with you or based on some articles, forums or other internet posts that are clearly based on answers that have nothing to do with her but a generalized description of bipolar people? Which would be more realistic, making a decision based on what could be, by people that dont' know you or basing your decision on what is, right before your eyes?

With that in mind, any relationship, with someone having MI or not, there is risk, it can fall apart at any time and without warning you could end up breaking up or something like that. The truth is with any partner you can only know what is, right in your hands now, not what may be. Unless she has given you solid signs that she's unreliable, is going to change her mind, cheat or anything like that, you're basing a decision on things that have no foundation in reality.

If there is one thing I've learned in life it's that just because the majority of people agree on something, doesn't make it right. As a matter of fact, the more people who agree on something the more skeptical I am about it. I never heard him say he didn't tell her he didn't want a relationship because she's bipolar but I can see how it's easily assumed and perhaps that's what happens. I've ended relationships and not told the person the real reason because I felt it would cause more hurt and harm than anything positive. That doesn't mean I lied or was stringing someone along either. This guy sounds like he's learning and growing as a person and I wish to encourage that rather than nit-pick him to the point that he feels he made the right call the first time. We all have our methods for dealing with difficult situations. The OP has his, you have yours and I have mine. As long as we are all comfortable with how we tackle sensitive issues, then we are all winners.

here it is, clear as day:

for a few weeks, I can safely say that I would agree with you but this has gone on for 3 yrs and at this point, I would have to remain steadfast in saying that it seems he has indeed been stringing her along since he knows she's wanted a relationship and he kept saying no... again... we can argue the point of whether he should say why or not til the cows come home but I don't know about you but if after 3 yrs I can't be completely honest with someone I claim to be "in love" with as he claims here, something is really not right.

Yes, I did read that but he also went on to say they've been talking for 3 years and it's possible he did voice it in some capacity at a later date. But as I stated, sometimes we don't share things because it can be more hurtful than helpful and we all have a right to say what makes us most comfortable. He did say he told her not to think of him as her soul mate so that's pretty direct in my book. I'm dense and even I would have picked up the clues on that one. But she chose to stay in the relationship anyways. She's not blameless either IMHO.

I'm a little bit on the older side (almost 42). I've had 3 year relationships where it wasn't smart for me to be completely open about everything and also times I needed to protect people's feelings. You can tell one person "I can't date you because you have bipolar" and they will be hurt but grateful. You can tell another person with bipolar this and they might do something drastic and feel nobody will ever love them because of their illness. It's not cut and dry.

I think we all have some opinions on his past behavior and how he has handled things to this point. His main question is about how to handle a relationship with someone with bipolar, so let's focus on that. I was pissed to at some of what I read, but we all make mistakes, we all have behaved not so honorably at times. It's often for a misguided reason or whatever.

I think it's best for us to focus on how to help him at this point. We've been fighting over the minor points of the post for like a week now. The main question is valid: he wants a relationship with her now, what should he know about having a relationship with someone with bipolar?

I think it's a fair question.

seesaw

I recommended a book "loving someone with bipolar". It could be a good start for you OP

Personally, if someone felt this way about me, I would want to know. I would dump you like a hot pancake on the floor. Loving a person means accepting that stuff isn't going to be an easy ride. They may get cancer, or diabetes, or any number of chronic conditions that will be life altering. If you find that dating someone with MI is to much for you, at least be up front and honest and leave her to find someone who will love her regardless. Instead of making excuses. She deserves better than someone half hearted. SHE is not bipolar. SHE is a human being with rights and emotions like other people.

I will agree on your last point, I would not go as far as saying she's been completely victimized and is without any responsibility here, but then again I also stated elsewhere that for me, I would expect some sort of commitment long before the 3 yr mark. she's in it for something too, that's pretty clear.

keep in mind we are seeing only one side of the picture here and also his descriptions maybe skewed by how he sees things, and he may be leaving out a lot of information that would probably clear things up for the question about why they are still involved at any level after this long.

Absolutely. If someone is judging me for some disorder, MI or anything that I have no say in, I would want to know. On this part, I still stand firm it's only fair that he is honest about it or get out. If he can't get over the idea that she's BP he needs to cut her loose.

I think the problem I have on this thread is that people are all speaking to each other and not speaking to the OP and cross arguing over this thread with each other