I am falling in love with a bipolar girl need advice

In replying to the OP, I would like to ask:

Other than being "angry" and "frustrated"more than normal - neither of which are diagnostic criteria for Bipolar. There's some hyper-sexuality, which does not sound abnormal for the young and single.

What other bipolar symptoms are affecting this "relationship" that you have seen?

Why have you not dated while she was away? If you have been holding out for her, that might not be so good, especially if you hold any of her adventures against her or if hearing about them makes you have negative feelings.

Hell, I say go for it. Get her back up to NY - help w her treatment - get some therapy for yourself. Then again, I always say go for unless there's abuse.

Good luck,

moogs

To whoever thinks us BP people are causing a scene here... pretty sure anyone on this site, BP or not, would take this personally. What if she was schizophrenic instead? Then the schiz people would be upset by the stigma OP has put on the DX. We're not "being bipolar" about this, we're being offended. Just as anyone with a MI here would be if the stigma was dropped on them.

And once again, stable people can cause just as much drama in a relationship! My ex didn't have a MI but I still landed in the ER from being strangled unconscious! He still slept with my friends! I've witnessed "crazy" out of all shapes, sizes, or MI. Anyone is capable of sleeping around and causing drama!

I think the OP was misinformed about Bipolar and had the courage to come here and ask about it. He was probably misinformed by no fault of his own. Media, word of mouth and television probably had a lot to do with how he feels.

We had/have an opportunity to educate and clarify any stigma. I think we've all done our best to do so, in our own ways. I hope the OP learned something and I hope we we all feel comfortable in how we used this opportunity to teach another fellow human about something we are more educated about than he. Hopefully the OP learned something positive that he will now share when talking to other misinformed stigma defending people.

As I said in my first post, bipolar people are often wonderful. Not always but often. No group of people are always good or bad. It's best to judge someone based on their individual qualities and not their diagnosis.

I in general find dishonest behavior appalling. I am neither bipolar nor have any mental illness nor have any reasons to take it personally, I just don't approve of dishonesty and using people and I don't understand people defending dishonesty on this thread. I also didn't see those who are appalled causing a scene at all. Having very valid intelligent opinion isn't the same as causing scenes

I want to appologize for anything I said yesterday which came across as defending stigma. It was not my intention to defend such a shameful thing. Yesterday I mentioned that we were all taking this matter personally. This includes myself. When I was younger a false rumor was started about me...within a few weeks I had literally hundreds of people spreading the rumor and adding their own false twists to the story. I was harassed, stalked, beaten and threatened. I'm very sensitive when I feel others are being ganged up on and I try to take peace is some unproductive ways. Everyone here is just stating their opinions and I do not believe anyone is speaking to the OP in the spirit of ganging up on him. I felt differently last night due to my own baggage and I apologize for anything invalidating I may have said. The last thing I wish to do is invalidate anyone. Peace and good will to all men women children or how ever else you may identify.

I appreciate all the responses. I'm honestly a very nice- heartfelt guy. I know my post may not communicate that. I did not keep her around for a booty call or anything of the sort. We talk and talk and talk. We get along. I'm just not sure what to expect. I googled dating a bipolar partner and everything that comes up are stories of people saying they were totally heartbroken for loving a bipolar partner.

I love her. I don't want to let her go. I'm strongly considering relocating back to NYC to be with her.

This sounds ignorant- but do I have to worry about her drastically changing her feelings about me one day because of something within a bipolar mind. There are stories I've read where people say that sort of stuff happened to them.

I love this girl. I hope I did not offend anyone. I myself was diagnosed ADD as a child so I'm not a perfect person either. Just want to find out more about how the bipolar mind operates and if there are any unfortunate but uncontrollable things I should look out for. I can get hurt is all I'm saying. As I know she could also

Much of what you read online are worst case scenarios and not an accurate description of most people with bipolar. In any relationship, bipolar or not a person can grow and wake up realizing they want something more or something different. This is always a risk in any relationship. I do not believe Bipolar makes this more likely, or at least for me it's not true.

You can probably read about mars men sipping cocktails in vegas with Elvis on the Internet. That doesn't make it true.

Well, all other things aside...

I think the best thing you can do is talk to her directly about your concerns and ask her about her symptoms and how you can be supportive. Ask her what her symptoms are when she's having a manic episode and how you can help her through it. Ask her what her depressive episodes are like and what helps there. Having a disorder (I'm not bipolar but I have major chronic and severe depression) is a lot about management. I'm not going to lie that if you are in a relationship with her, you may very well have to help with that management a bit. It's just a reality. But it's no different than helping your partner with a peanut allergy manage that--you keep peanut butter out of the house and don't eat dishes that have anything peanut related in them.

Have an honest conversation about your concerns about the behavior you've noticed that bothers you and how that will work when you two are in a committed relationship. For example, she says that she would be faithful to you if you were in a committed relationship. You have no reason to believe anything other than that this is the truth. She has never cheated on you. So my point is, have an honest conversation, and give her the benefit of the doubt. Because remember, she is not her diagnosis.

ABove all, as in any relationship, openness, communication, and honesty will make for a strong foundation and bond.

Good luck.

seesaw

Whatever mind frame I may be in (I'm bipolar), I never have changed my feelings for my bf. It doesn't happen like that so don't worry. I'm sure she'll love you even on the darkest of days. But if she says she can't do something or she hasn't stayed in touch for a day or two then chances are she may be depressed, not falling out of love. So my advice to you is if she needs space, give it to her and don't take it personally.

Follow seesaw's advice.


Speak to her.


Not just for the reasons above, but because what it comes down to, is we are all individuals and we experience and deal with this beast on an individual basis.


No two people are going to have the exact experience of symptoms and neither will they manage it in an exact fashion.


Everyone has their own brand, something Google leaves out when you run a search I'm sure.


Want some definitive proof?


Read through the BP forum, we've got all kinds and each of us are just trying to do the best with the hand we were dealt.

I agree with Trippin and SeeSaw....as I said in my first post....be honest with her. Let her know your worries and concerns. It sounds like you two have a positive connection and she will appreciate your honesty on the topic. Good luck and feel free to ask us anymore questions you may have.

I didn't know I was bipolar when I had my last relationship, several many yrs ago. We had a ton of sex. Often a couple times a day.

I treated him very well and he treated me poorly. I was moody but so was he. He left me a couple of times and cheated on me a couple of times.

I NEVER once cheated on him. I was a great GF.

Treat people like people. Not their illnesses. And Btw, you seem like the flakey one, not her.

I just want to add my two cents about the flip flop feelings. I do that and I am pretty sure I am not bipolar. I don't have manic highs at all. Diagnosed MDD, PTSD, Borderline traits, suspect ADHD and OCD, but aren't sure any of these diagnoses are correct. Yes, my feelings of love and attraction flip flop and cause a big problem for me.

My advice is to not focus on the diagnoses, rather on the individual and their behavior. We are all so different. Just enjoy each other and reel in behaviors that go awry asap so they don't get out of hand. It takes two.

Hey OP,

There are many people, including members of this community, who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder who have successful and wonderful loving relationships. Rather than doing a google search and leaving things alone, you did good to post here - it shows that you care. You might also talk to a therapist or a local expert in person.

I say go for it. Good luck,

moogs

I do love her. During the last 2 years while she has been telling me I'm the one and that she loves me I have never expressed that I love her. Now, since I visited her a month ago, I have opened up to her tremendously. I've told her that I love her and that I always have. I swear though, now that I have opened up to her she is becoming distant. She basically ignored me all weekend. On Saturday I sent her a couple of messages and told her I was thinking about her and things like that with no response. At 5pm she finally responded and said she was sleeping all day, which is what she says everyday she's not working. Who sleeps all day every weekend? She then told me I was acting needy and that it was unattractive. So I left her alone the rest of the night. I was going out to a party that night which she knew. On Sunday she messaged me at 1:00 pm accusing me of sleeping with someone since I didn't call her Saturday night. We're not exclusive though. Then today I messaged her this morning and said good morning I love you. Her response was just "you too"

She's acting more and more distant now that I'm open. I lightly brought this up last week and she got defensive and said nothing is wrong and that she's fine.

What should I do?

Who does?

Me.


I sleep all day when I'm not working.


If I can that is.


Work, family responsibility and keeping my symptoms in check can definitely take its toll on me.

Funny how everyday normal life is a huge stressor and I need regular timeouts.


So yes. I can check out for an entire day and just sleep to recalibrate and gain my bearings.


Clearly you don't really know her ins and outs and patterns, or you'd be aware of what I call weekend mini comas. Understandable since you've not spent much time together.


What should you do?

Nothing really.


If you're sorry, apologize for being pushy and let her know you're on the other end of the phone when she wants to talk.


Then leave it at that.


If you're not sorry, don't pretend to be, just let her cool off and come to you.

You guys are being really helpful. I just don't want to get hurt. Sometimes I think she is addicted to the chase and now that I've opened up she's pulling back.

But maybe I'm just being paranoid now that I'm actually emotionally vested and have some skin on the game if you will...

This is awesome. Is this how bipolar disorder is typically described in Albuquerque, or did you just make it up? I want "flip flop feelings" to be my official diagnosis.

As Trippin said, sleeping all day on days off is common behavior when depressed, worn out, stressed or just tired.

The message she sent accusing you of sleeping with someone confuses me since she tells you about her own escapades. That almost sounds like crazy making behavior to me. Also, it seems she is doing a push/pull thing which I've read about happening with people who have BPD (borderline personality disorder). I'm not saying she has BPD but push/pull is something that some people do and it can make you feel unsettled. It's possible you are being needy but I would need more information on what you were doing to cause her to say this. She might be testing you to see if you will chase her or she might just need space and called you too needy out of frustration. I can understand your confusion and you have my empathy. It sounds like you really care about this girl but are confused. (((Hugs)))

I have never dated a bipolar girl before- not sure if I pointed that out. SO- in my experience when a partner withdrawals it usually means they're having reservations about the relationship or maybe there's someone else, etc. the point is that it normally signifies that there is a problem with the relationship.

Lately- as I mentioned - she has been a bit withdrawaln. Doesn't text me as much, doesn't say I love you as often, doesn't use terms of endearment like she has in the past, things like that.

my instincts would signify that there is a problem with the relationship. But, given the bipolar thing maybe this is a normal bipolar behavior?

Thoughts???

Thanks again for your time and help here. I'm really trying and I want to learn to help her and I work.

My thoughts are this. You are not looking for how a bipolar mind works. You are looking for how HER mind works. Unfortunately, only she can give you this information. You might have "come around" and accepted her disorder too late. She was waiting a long time after all. Or she might be depressed. When I'm depressed (I have bipolar) I require solitude and need space sometimes. I won't text people back....I will sleep all the time....I just feel too bad and sad to participate in normal conversations and I do come off as distant to people who don't know me well. I would let her know you feel she is distancing herself and ask her if she needs some space. Let her know you care about her and would like her to share her feelings with you when she is ready. Only she can tell you what's actually going on with her. All bipolar people are different. We share some commonality but are unique just the same. Let her know you wish to be someone she trusts to confide in and let her know you're on her side. (((Hugs)))

That's my self-diagnosis, but if the flip flop fits, wear it.