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#1
Aug 01, 2007, 07:33 PM
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Yesterday when i was out and about with a friend... he offered me a cigarette... the only thing those was that there was a condition... i had to have sex with him... i said no... so he left it at that... then he some how slipped some into my bag... with a comdom and left a note... saying... just in case you change your mind
i am happy with my girlfriend and this guy is my friend... so what should i say to this guy without loosing our relstionship... but without loosing my girlfriend... i wont do anything which will harm her... but what should i say to this guy??? which wont harm him...
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“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” Viktor Frankl
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#2
Aug 01, 2007, 07:37 PM
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I wouldn't worry about any harm to him...he put himself in that position.
I would suggest giving him his cigarettes, condom, and note back...ship them if you have to I would also be assertive about your feelings regarding this really tacky action. He is the one who should feel bad...not you...you shouldn't have to "protect" his feelings either...he certainly wasn't "protecting" you when he suggested this and he wasn't concerned about how this would make you feel. Yes, I'm a bit agitated...guys like this make us look really bad. I hate that
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Direction  Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#3
Aug 01, 2007, 08:27 PM
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I agree with Direction...His wisdom says it all! Listen to what he's saying, Milly!
Patty |
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#4
Aug 01, 2007, 09:30 PM
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I would go to his house and just as he thinks you 'changed your mind', I would hand him over a bag with his cigarettes, condom and note and say, "You left these in my bag, I wanted them to return them to you."
Then say goodnight / good day and walk away. This should give him fair and ample indication that you were not impressed in his lack of respect for you. If you feel a real need to maintain a friendship with this person...although in reality, it doesn't sound to me like he respects as a friend at all...but if you need to...you can always leave a footnote on that note he left for you saying, "When you are ready to talk about what you did, call me". He needs to learn that you require respect and you are not to be toyed with. As for your girlfriend, it might not hurt to tell her. But beware that she won't be happy about you hanging out with him in the future if you do. Some things are better left unsaid. And chances are this will all blow over...there is nothing to gain by telling her. ABT
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Yikes. What was that Yogi? I think it was a pic-a-nic basket Batman...Then we better give it some love...mwa mwa mwa mwa...Pepe loves a the romantic picnics...mwa mwa mwa. |
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#5
Aug 01, 2007, 09:31 PM
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As a side note...what kind of person with any amount of class tries to buy sex with cigarettes?
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Yikes. What was that Yogi? I think it was a pic-a-nic basket Batman...Then we better give it some love...mwa mwa mwa mwa...Pepe loves a the romantic picnics...mwa mwa mwa. |
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#6
Aug 01, 2007, 09:44 PM
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i think you should follow Direction's advice. return them and let him know without a doubt it is not something you are or ever will be interested in. maybe he thought it was a joke between friends, who know's. but to me it is disrespectful and i would want him to know it wasn't appreciated.
recluse1 |
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#7
Aug 01, 2007, 09:46 PM
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thing is that he is the only person i can get cigarettes from though...
__________________
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” Viktor Frankl
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#8
Aug 01, 2007, 10:10 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
milly said: thing is that he is the only person i can get cigarettes from though... </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> That is one of the strangest responses I have ever read. Are you saying that your addiction to tobacco means more to you than your self-respect?
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#9
Aug 01, 2007, 10:10 PM
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Maybe it's time to quit?
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#10
Aug 01, 2007, 10:25 PM
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Maybe it's time for a little sefl re-evaluation to see where your priorities lie? And quitting ain't a bad idea either!!
Please, for your own safety and self esteem, think about this. Hugsss sabby |
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#11
Aug 01, 2007, 10:29 PM
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(((((((((((milly))))))))))
thats all I can say 
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Parce que maman l'a dit 
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#12
Aug 01, 2007, 10:44 PM
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(((((((milly)))))))
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!!!!! quite smoking! you do NOT have sex to get cigs!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! that is NOT an option!!!! ask someone for some cigs...you must be young if you can't buy them....do some extra chores for some money...babysit....mow someones yard for some cash....then just ask someone older to but them for you!!! (i don't condone people buying kids cigs.........but if the alternative is you having sex to get some! geez) NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by the way....this guy is NOT your friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people. ~ Isaac Newton |
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#13
Aug 01, 2007, 10:48 PM
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I've been thinking more about your post about this, Milly, and Gost is right...This guy is not your friend...and he's sleezy!
You will do well to stay away from him, period. No need to respond or return the cigs with a note or anything! Just avoid him from now on. He sounds like a pimp in the making! Patty |
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#14
Aug 01, 2007, 10:57 PM
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I agree with wants...that is a different kind of reaction than I had expected...are these "cigarettes" the legal kind???
Either way neither are good for you...having said that I'm positive this is not the only person you can get the tobacco kind of cigarettes...right? Just reread everyones responses....think about what you posted to them...
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Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#15
Aug 02, 2007, 12:38 AM
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i know that he took no respect for me... but he is someone who i deeply care about because he accepted me for who i was... girlfriend and all... and everyone makes mistakes... i do intend on quiting anyway... i just dont know what to do...
__________________
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” Viktor Frankl
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#16
Aug 02, 2007, 06:55 PM
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I know it is painful when someone takes actions that really throw a wrench into the whole situation...
At a minimum assert your feelings...I don't want to put words in your mouth...something like "you know that action (insert action here be specific) put our friendship in a very questionable position"... Consider waiting for a response...consider not saying another word...consider waiting minutes or ten's of minutes until he says something... His response will tell you everything you need to know about what value he puts on this relationship...then you will know what to do...
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Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#17
Aug 02, 2007, 07:28 PM
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(((((((((((((((((((((milly))))))))))))))))))))))))
i accept you for who you are too!! i'm sorry if i sounded too harsh before....but sweetheart, you can do better! you don't have to let someone treat you like that!! you seem like a very nice person w/ a good and decent heart!! i hope you see that! you do know what to do! you will not have sex for cigs!! keep repeating that until you get it stuck in your head! do you want to risk getting pregnant or getting an STD just for some cigs?? condoms can break! ***** happens! how old are you?? where are you living?? who can you explain the situation to.... there may be an adult who will buy you the cigs - nicotine is an addiction - most adults would understand the predicament you are in...you may (and should) get a stern lecture!!! but that's better than having sex to get them!!!
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I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people. ~ Isaac Newton |
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#18
Aug 02, 2007, 07:39 PM
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smokes for sex. . .
Girl. . .it's time to grow up. If you cant buy 'em yourself, you're definitely WAY TOO YOUNG to be smoking. . .WAY TOO YOUNG to screw this guy for somkes.
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You are not too much for them. They are not enough for you. ~E. Bennings |
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#19
Aug 02, 2007, 07:59 PM
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Milly, have you had sex before for cigarettes or money? You seem so blase about this that I'm wondering if you've done this type of thing before.
If you have....that is in the past. You control today. Giving it up for a smoke is really, really not the thing to do to increase your self-esteem and his respect for you.....trust me on this one, I'm older and just about seen everything that a boy can do to disrespect a girl How OLD are you, Milly? Consider this, if you are too young to buy them.....you're too young to smoke.......OR is it a money problem? If it is, find a job that will give you some spending money and some self-esteem. You don't have to give it to anyone for a cigarette!! xoxo pat |
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#20
Aug 02, 2007, 08:02 PM
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Milly is 17, and I'm concerned because she has posted that she still cares for this guy because he "accepted her" for who she was/is!
This is no reason to put yourself in such a postion, MIlly...and you don't seem to be listening to the wise responses you are getting from members here! Patty |
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#21
Aug 02, 2007, 08:27 PM
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m listening and i am frustrated because people make mistakes... and this could be one... no i have never had sex and dont intend to til i get married so yer. the law down here is you can smoke at 16 but cant buy them... you can do that at 18.
__________________
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” Viktor Frankl
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#22
Aug 02, 2007, 08:30 PM
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Yes people make mistakes...
Mistakes to me is you forgot to pick up your friend... Calculating is more the word I would like to subsitute into your comment Yes people are calculating Calculating meaning attempting to get something at someone elses expense
__________________
Direction Ripple Effect - Small things can make a difference |
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#23
Aug 02, 2007, 08:36 PM
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this doesn't have to be a mistake you make!!
if you've kept your precious virginity and your 17 don't lose it over something so petty!!! PLEASE don't...you will regret it for the rest of your life!!!! milly....something else has to be going on here!!! if you've been able to say no to boys for this long...why are you even considering it now? i really feel like there's something you're not telling us. if you don't want to post it...private message me or someone else you trust here.... i just don't get it.... i was a virgin at 17 and wanted to wait till i was married....i wouldn't have even begin to consider having sex for cigs??? i don't understand???? please help us understand. we keep posting here because we are concerned for you!!! not because we're wanting to make you feel bad!!!
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I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people. ~ Isaac Newton |
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#24
Aug 02, 2007, 08:52 PM
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well you see i dont know i am so confused so upset so just wanting to die... he has this force or complete distruction over me... that prbably made no sense
__________________
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” Viktor Frankl
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#25
Aug 02, 2007, 10:54 PM
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milly - you've got to pull yourself together regarding this guy! no guy is worth getting this upset over...and you have a girl friend, right? why not focus on her right now. don't think about the guy.
__________________
I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies but not the madness of people. ~ Isaac Newton |
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