Doing the Chasing Who Should Pursue Whom?

I am old fashioned, and have always been told, to let the guy chase you, let him make the first move, let him call you first, text you first, message you first, open the door for you, pay for the meal, bring you flowers and candy etc. The old school way of dating.

I have stuck by this formula and have had some guys do this type of thing, but lately I noticed I would always have to do the chasing, and always be the one to make the first move, and then always be the one to make that move from then on.

And when I would become the chaser the guy wouldn't be interested. I know in today's society, things aren't old school way, and equal rights, and this and that thing.

But if I have to be the one to always do the chasing isn't that bad?

There is no formula as each person in this world is individual, personalities do not fit cleanly into groups nor is every combination of people the same. There are trends and traditions but neither of which are really scientific or sound in any way.

Throwing away the idea of any kind of "formula" do what you find natural and comfortable doing, be yourself and forget acting some way that the world may in so many words and articles say you should act.

Keep in mind also that it depends a lot on what type of guy you tend to go after. Some will naturally be the chaser, others are more laid back and will just wait to be pursued, just like some women do. If you want more of a guy coming after you try to find men that would do that, or more accurately if they don't, just move on til you find one that is the way you want.

I honestly though, think you're overthinking this dating thing.

Why do you "have to" make the first move and then become the chaser? If the guy were interested, he would be making at least some moves. An option would be to give up on guys who do not take any initiative--you could just assume they are not interested for whatever reason.

Ideally people show mutual interest. Give and take. You are chasing these guys because they are not showing interest. If they show no interest you don't have to pursue. By the same logic guys shouldn't pursue women who show no interest.

If they don't chase you, then you chase them, and they don't respond positively? Then they weren't actually interested in you to start with.

Some guys are shy. I've been the pursuer and the pursued..... you get a feeling and decide to see if you're right. This happens to men and women. Stereotypes aren't always useful but some people find comfort in them. You need to do what you feel comfortable with. Good luck.

I"ve always experienced a give and take....I don't think I've ever experienced anything like being "chased." Makes it sound like we're prey.

I've always experienced expressing my interest, then they express their interest, mutual flirting. Some times I suggest we get drinks, sometimes they do. It's always a back and forth and give and take. I think that's much more healthy than being "chased."

Seesaw

I was chased by men when I was absolutely not interested and pretty blunt about it. Some people just don't take no for an answer. It's a very unpleasant feeling being chased. So I don't recommend you chase anyone but rather search for mutual interest and natural give and take interactions

Yeah, chasing is not good. Hopefully nobody feels different. Unless someone enjoys being chased and their chaser enjoys the chase....then I say as long as nobody is getting hurt, have fun. Some people are so persistent they should come with a taser when they are born.

You can express your interest, and wait to see their reactions. I don't think women are completely passive. Men can pick up some inviting signals from women. Some men are shy, so, you can initiate a general conversation with them I guess, and see how they interact with you.

It has to be natural, first and foremost. If the guy likes you chasing him, that's fine. If he's more "traditional," he may want to do the chasing. This is where you feel people out. Find out what he prefers. If he's interested in you, he will probably appreciate you making the first move (guys get tired of always having to pursue). If he's not interested, he won't be pleased. I am also of the "old school" I always let guys pursue me, because that way I could be sure they liked me. But I've talked to quite a few guys who said it was a nice change to sometimes have the woman be the aggressor. Say something, then let him take the ball and run with it. Some guys need a little push if they're shy. But there is no set "formula" as has been said. Each situation is different, and requires diplomacy.

I am entirely in agreement. If it just happens that you click on your own I believe the relationship will be stronger with more potential to last.

Is it possible that what you meant was being 'assertive'? There is a big difference between this and 'chasing'.

I really don't like this idea of 'chasing' as it implies deceit to me; and the making someone like the other. I believe this does not set up a relationship for success. In my opinion this will come to backfire in the future and be the cause for resentment.

Just be yourself and let this happen.

Some guys are clueless and some guys have been told that proactive interest from a woman does not automatically mean there is a romantic interest. Maybe you ended up chasing these types of men!

Who knows, what types of guys I ended up chasing or who chased me. As of RIGHT NOW, I am talking to a few guys, a few of them are doing the chasing, and one of them is not, and I have to be the one to contact him. So I am just going with the flow and seeing what happens next with these guys.

I'm with the previous posters.. I think natural give and take interactions are best. As a survivor of abuse, I am really put off by being "chased". I think it's okay to respectfully make your interest known (either gender) and then leave the ball in their court.

Someone is only chasing if the other one is running.