I broke up with the guy I was dating, as you know. Sunday, The day of, I went back on the dating site, because he wasn't answering his texts, and saw he was already back on there. With a picture I'd taken of him. 2 days later, I emailed him. It was stupid. But I was emotional and confused and hurting. I told him I missed him, and loved him, and wanted to make it work. He emailed me back the harshest, most mean email I could have imagined. I figured he would reject me but I didn't think he was going to try to hurt me. He said he would never date me again. He said a lot of mean things to me. about how he considered ignoring my email at first, but then decided to write me (mean stuff) for some stupid reason. About who he thinks I am as a partner. Flawed. Not ready to date. I was beyond crushed. I felt...verbally murdered by him. There was so much hostility and disgust in the tone. I felt so unworthy. So pathetic. I considered hurting myself. I know that I hurt him by breaking up with him. But I wasn't TRYING to hurt him. Clearly he's not the one for me. Anyway, this week has been interesting. It has been painful. And it has been eye opening. I was considering going to the hospital tonight. But I won't hurt myself. I am just so very sad. It hurts. Like, it comes in waves. Sometimes I'm ok. Sometimes I'm not. I'm dealing with a lot of hurt and painful emotions sometimes.

[Crazy Hitch]

As painful as it is, I think you can hold your head high knowing that you've walked away from what could have potentially been a very destructive relationship emotionally for you, had it continued.

I think you did the right thing

Thank you CH.

Would it be possible for a moderator to take this down? I'm feeling very raw and vulnerable

[Crazy Hitch]

Yes - click on the red triangle with the exclamation mark and send a message asking for your post to be deleted

[MickeyCheeky]

You did the best thing by dumping him. Now you can start again.. and I hope it will be better this time

[divine1966]

Hang in there. I know you hurt but you should be very happy that you so smartly ended it with this *****. Imagine you kept dating and found out he is an ***** years later! Stay strong my friend and please don't hurt yourself over this pathetic loser.

Thank you everyone. I will leave this up for now.

I wrote him a letter. But didn't send it. I'd like to. But I can't bring myself to send it or carry out the email process.

The thing is, it didn’t have to end that way. You chose to say terrible things to me and make me feel worthless. You chose to tear me down in your parting letter as a way to make yourself feel better. You abused your power in my darkest hour. That is a huge red flag to me. I wish you all the best as a person I’ve known for only a month, who was kind and sweet, and then did a 180 when things got hard. You verbally assaulted me. It’s not ok to talk like that to me or anybody. Maybe Voldemort. But you’d only be playing into his hands. If you were really concerned about my happiness, or had ever loved me, you would have been kind. and mature. Honesty has a filter. Cruelty doesn’t. I have lost my respect for you, but I will not stoop to your level. I will not tell you my unsolicited thoughts on you as a relationship partner. I will not try to make you feel terrible. (I think you already do). I want to share something with you though. Hurt people hurt people. And boy you really hurt me. I considered slashing my wrists. I already felt verbally murdered. Why not just carry it out. I won’t hurt myself though. I won’t kill myself over verbal assault. I will just do my best to heal, carry the scar, and never give up on my dreams. But you are no longer part of that dream equation.

[Bill3]

I'm so sorry that you had the occasion to write this letter--and i admire the eloquence and self-control that you show in your words.

[avlady]

i wouldn't even bother sending it if i were you, it will just open up another session of hatred and pain.

You are a strong person. I`m confident that everything will be alright. Wish I could wipe your pain away. It will take time, but in the end you`ll heal. I agree with avlady, such an individual is uncapable of acknowledging the pain he`s inflicted on you.

I am so sorry to read you were on the receiving end of such bitter vitriol, he showed his true colours - nobody is perfect but to unleash such character assassination is a horrible indicator of his own lack of graciousness and dignity.

I hope you will in time take comfort that your original gut feeling that something wasn't right was spot on. Take comfort in the good people in your life and turn away from this person who callously tried to hurt you.

[fairydustgirl]

I completely feel for you, the last painful break up I had was in 2010, the man had a very serious mental illness/personality disorder (I knew this, he was part of a support group I was in, he was and is a dangerous person, had been in prison twice for physical violence) and I should have never even been around him, much less get close to him. when he turned on me it was the worst feeling I'd ever had and although I tried to be strong, and most days I was, about a month afterwards I did end up needing to be in the hospital for the thoughts I was having. if for some reason you do find it difficult to get through don't be afraid to seek help...I told my therapist my thoughts and she let me know she was uncomfortable with me going home and told me to go to the hospital...I trust her completely so did as she said. It still took a while to recover from all of that. Be gentle with yourself, remember that this was not something YOU did, but something in HIM that made him react this way and say the horrible things he did.
something to remember, there are probably a lot of people online who are not entirely forthcoming with issues they deal with (I'm not).
I'm truly sorry for the hurt and the heartache but believe in this, you will get through it and you will be ok. Any time I think otherwise for myself, I just remember what I went through in 2006 (the year I got sick) and I know if I can make it through that I can make it through anything.

(((BIGGEST HUGS)))

[Moreta]

exes are exes for a reason. You are worthy of everything you want. Clearly this man didn't think so, but you know deep down inside that's not true. Burn that bridge. He's the one that's a worthless turd. When I broke up with exes, there was always flames. It takes a while to find the right man, but you will find him. Don't settle for just anybody. I used to do that and get hurt in the process. It's totally not worth it.

You should try left handed journaling. Write the issue, ex: i don't feel worthy, with your dominant hand and write a response with your other hand. It makes the other side of your brain work, and I swear I come up with some amazing ideas. It slows down your thinking process too because it takes so long to write. Just try it out and see what you get.

I went to the ER yesterday. I was there for 4 hrs and it was amazingly comforting for the most part. My mom took me there and stayed w me too. In the end I decided to go home. I'm glad I went though. I have a good support system and I'm going to be ok. Thank you every ody for your awesome support. Really.

You don't need someone like this in life. Someone who kicks you while your down. (((Hugs)))