[rukspc]

Let me tell you alllll about my journey this past month. I left my job in late September from a big corporation to a small community-based organization to be a teacher. I have been working towards earning my Master's degree at the same time, so when the opportunity came, I acted quickly.

At the time I was ecstatic, excited, optimistic for this new change in my life. It's been my dream job for about 5 years. A few weeks ago, I turned 27 and I voted in a historical election. It has been a heavy month for me on my psyche, thinking about my students (who are mostly new immigrants and refugees), and the future of my family - my sister, brother-in-law, two nieces, ma and pa.

I've also been planning for my friend's (very expensive) wedding in Maryland on NYE. As Maid of Honor, it hasn't been a happy process.

I make less as a teacher than I did at my old job. I've been careful with spending, driving less to save gas and opting to stay home than socialize (in any manner). I deactivated my FB, Tinder and OK cupid because it just p****** me off. I've been trying to sleep on time and doing my best to stay healthy because I won't have insurance until mid-January.

In other words, I've been feeling.. EH.. MEH lately. I don't think it is depression again although I've cried a few times. I don't know where my discontent and unhappiness is coming from but I just don't feel like talking to friends, seeing friends or dating at all. I'm 27 and I still live with my sister. I don't have a boyfriend nor am I married. No one wants to date someone who doesn't live independently. I'm still in school, broke, living with family and kind of feeling regretful for my choices in life. Most Americans embrace individuality. Whereas it is uncommon in Europe, Latin & South America, Asia and Africa have shared households and communal living. I feel like I'm not cool enough because I live in the suburbs.

I haven't felt this way in over 1 year and that is remarkable for me since I've dealt with depression all my life. Am I making sense? Am I dumb for feeling this way about my life choices?

You are making sense. You are not dumb for feeling how you feel.

I wish I had some words that would make it all okay for you. What I would like to say is that the reality of life is rarely the same as the internet fantasy. People omit the bad/dull stuff. They exaggerate the good.
It leaves us all feeling very inferior indeed.

As an aside, this whole wedding stuff in general is out of control, imho.

YOU are the smart one. You are working a job that will make a difference in the world and you can be proud of that. You are not going broke on credit cards.

Please, don't buy into what people "say" out there. Except for me, of course. I am, apparently, perfect (added that last bit...please take it with the humor intended)

Your life choice are much better than most peoples. However, I have no way to help you to believe that for yourself and that's the sucky part of this response...

[divine1966]

Hang in there. You already have more going for you than many others.

Eventually you should be able to be on your own and start dating. Congrats on your career choice and getting your education. You already accomplished more in life than many others! You have your own income (even if small), you don't depend on any men for your daily bread, you share your place with your sister which isn't that unusual.

You make big changes and it takes time. Being "still" at school at 27 is perfectly ok. Heck how many people never even went to school. I think rather than feeling low try to look at it positively as you in fact are much better off than many women (who you think might have something that you don't).

Many women have no education or career and depend their entire life on men and in fact they often stay in bad marriages because they cannot survive on their own. You however are advancing yourself and are on a path to independence. Eventually you can find a man who will be your equal not someone to depend on. You should give your self big hug for doing what you are doing. Good job.

Everything else will come your way. When you get your health plan see if you can see a therapist as it might help with your self esteem. Many hugs!!!!