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  #26  
Old Nov 27, 2016, 10:43 PM
Anonymous59125
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I worked for a large international Candy company.

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  #27  
Old Nov 27, 2016, 11:02 PM
Anonymous59125
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Someone mentioned that the new people will often get picked on which is true from what I've seen. Why? Because they have no established relationships or anyone to resist on their behalf.

I loved my job and if I wouldn't have become physically and mentally unwell I would have happily worked there until retirement in spite of the bullying I endured for years. But I broke down in every way. How much work contributed is up for debate. The things I witnessed were not normal IMHO. But I had mental health issues for decades before working there so they didn't cause my breakdown 100%. It's all very sad and too bad though because if I wouldn't have gotten sick I might have been able to get some imperative improvements implemented. Maybe that is grandiose thinking but several people agreed with how I saw things and I definately had the law on my side. I had also been a pretty excellent employee for years so I had some protection due to years of glowing reviews.
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  #28  
Old Nov 28, 2016, 01:52 PM
Anonymous59125
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I talked to my BFF who I've known since I was 13 (I'll soon be 42) and she had witnessed me being bullied on several occasions. She said they were either jealous, threatened or it's been because I'm far too nice. I know a lot of people consider themselves nice but I'd say in my case it's pathological. Part of the reason I am so nice is because I let people get away with a lot because I understand pain. I assume they are lashing out because of some pain or a very bad day. We all have them....and crappy years. But I also had such low self esteem and doubted myself. I was trained by abusers and bullies to do this. I was often bullied because I was called out as special and it upset people. The reasons I was singled out had merit but for some other kids it was painful. Me being singled out as special meant they were being diminished. It hurts very bad to feel diminished and some people will go to great lengths to restore their ego. I learned that when I was singled out as special in a dangerous environment I had to quickly diminish myself and say something which would humble me and make me look pathetic. I still do this but try to catch myself because it's not healthy. One time I was jumped because my ex boyfriends new girlfriend found he kept my picture in the visor of his car....so she and 4 other girls came to my house and jumped me. Finding that photo made her feel threatened and she lashed out to protect her stuff. It's very animalistic really.
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  #29  
Old Nov 28, 2016, 02:13 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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I think a lot of people who are passive aggressive and bully have no clue that they are doing it. They are very sick and miserable people, and so take their sickness and misery out on other people. You can't bother confronting them, because they would never see that anything they had done was wrong. I speak this from experience. I had a couple of passive aggressive bullies at my last job and they made the whole environment so hostile and toxic for me that I went on disability to get away from them. And if you report them to anyone, whatever they have been doing is just borderline enough for management to not doing anything about it. That's the thing about most bullies, it's not overt, it's very covert, in fact.

I have a couple of passive aggressive co-workers in my workplace, and honestly, they just don't understand how passive aggressive and jerky they come off. Because when you confront them (not confront them in a mean way, there is a way to confront passive aggressiveness that I've learned that's not hostile just more matter of fact) they dial it down immediately, because they somehow sense that you won't be mowed over.

I think a lot of work bullies can be handled that way. You have to ignore their snide remarks and passive aggressive BS and be confident in the work you are doing. They tend to go after people who they sense weakness in or lack of confidence because it makes them feel better to know they are stronger or more confident than someone else. Unfortunately, in my previous position, our HR manager was also our CFO and the same person who was bullying me. And that was just a toxic, hostile workplace and sometimes you just have to cut your losses and leave. When the workplace sees they can't keep employees for longer than a year, they either will start to make changes or not. But it's not worth it to you. In that job, they had a lot of trouble holding on to employees, and the board would never listen or question why that was happening. But it was completely systemic.

In my new job, I didn't have to bring up anything that was personal, but the bully was doing some things that were wrong work-wise, and I had management on my side, so said bully knows not to mess with me. Every now and then I still get a passive aggressive email, but I've learned not to respond to them. Also, my department head has actually asked me about said bully and have I noticed her passive aggressive behavior. This question was totally unprovoked by me, and I responded, yes, I notice she can be kind of passive aggressive and take the wrong tone of voice with people, and I wish she would handle things differently, but I know that's more about her than me, and I don't respond to it. But not everyone has been through what we've been through and has been through as much therapy as us and knows how to deal with it!
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  #30  
Old Nov 28, 2016, 07:04 PM
anagold anagold is offline
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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert View Post
What to do about it when it happens. Especially when it's subtle and persistent. I've had some issues with being bullied in the past by some former bosses and coworkers even though I didn't say or do anything to offend them that I can think of. It's funny how most of the time they happen to be other women.

I'm not that pretty and I'm overweight now, so it can't be jealousy even though some people think that I'm pretty. I used to be thin, so maybe jealousy did play a part in that in the past. Anyways, I did write a thread about a job that I quit recently about how some of the girls there were mean to me. They'd mostly ignore me when I tried to say hi and bye to them.

So of course I stopped saying hi and bye to them after that. One night a group of them stared at me when I said bye everyone. That was so rude. I said nothing at all back and left. I did nothing wrong. I'm shy and quiet so maybe some people might take that the wrong way and think that I don't like them, idk.

I keep to myself mostly. I'm polite to everyone. I'll talk to anyone who talks to me. I don't have issues with most people at work, it's just the popular outgoing cliquey types that often end up being the bullies at work. And sometimes some of the supervisors at work, both male and female ones.

I've been sexually harassed a few times at work, but I never reported anything all that time except for the time this one pervert old guy wouldn't leave me alone at my last job a few months ago. I tried to be nice to him, but he'd follow me around. And I got some stuff stolen out of my locker at my last job at Walmart by a group of mean girls. One of the girls stood by me closely listening to loud music. I said nothing but left and went somewhere else.

I did nothing to her at all. So I don't get why her and this other girl would try to follow me around and keep on laughing and making jokes around me. They were both younger than me. I'm shy and quite so maybe people think that I'm snotty or weird or just an easy target, idk.

At my most recent job, a few of the girls would flat out ignore me when I tried to say hi to them. One night four or five of them just stared at me when I said bye everyone. The managers were OK, and so were the vendors. They were all outgoing and they were all friends with each other. They all liked to talk and joke around. I was the quiet serious one at work. I was told a few times at that job that I was doing great although I did mess a few things up and I was a bit slow to learn a few things at the cash register.

One young girl indirectly called me fat by saying this to her friend, no wonder she's so fat, she's eating chips. Who does that? I never did a thing to her, and I said hi to her, and I was nice. I said nothing to her at all. I should've. I said nothing to anyone about this at all until last night to a friend at work. I was quitting anyways.

And they all complain about customers there all the time, and I only did it once to two rude ones, but not to their face. Don't we all do that? One former manager was even rude enough to call one customer not even cute and who'd want to make out with her after she asked her a question about which lipstick to use for making out.

I mostly kept to myself as I'm shy and introverted, so I guess that maybe makes some people think that I'm no friendly or that I don't like them? I'm serious too most of the time so maybe that bothers some people? Idk or care. Just wondering if it does or not.

I just show up, say hi, bye, do my job, try to make some small talk, but if I can clearly see that person isn't interested in talking to me, I don't try to talk much to them about stuff that's not about work after that. What's the point in doing so?

I have a good feeling about this new grocery store job. They people there seem nice. And they're older and more mature which is good since I'm middle aged. The girls at my last job were mostly in their 20's. They were cliquey too. I didn't care to be part of any clique. I don't care about fitting in. I just do my job and try to be nice to everyone. What more do they expect from me? It seems to me like loners tend to be bully targets at work.

Why is that? I did research on here and it seems that if you don't conform to the group standards, or if the popular people there don't like you, then other people tend to shun you too. Why do people tend to do that? I don't want to change my personality or be fake in order to be liked or to not make myself a target for bullies.

I'm a nice person who minds my own business. I don't gossip and I'll talk to anyone who talks to me. If someone is trouble, or they get out of line with me, I try to avoid them as much as I can. So does anyone have any tips on how to get along with people at work and how to avoid being harassed and bullied and what to do about it w/o having your boss or H/R think that you're being overly sensitive?

Also, the manager at my last job is friends with some of the girls who treated me badly and she didn't even say that she'd talk to them or even say sorry that happened to you, that was wrong, no. That bothered me. No wonder why bullies think that they can get away with bullying people they don't like. Why do they do it and what can I do to avoid stuff like this from happening again?

Most people at work normally seem to like me, but sometimes I'll have issues with the dominant outgoing people there who have lots of friends, especially if they happen to be friends with the manager/s there.

I'm starting this new job in a few days. I'd appreciate any bullying stories and how you dealt with it and how to keep this from happening at my new job IF I DO encounter any bullies or sexual harassment at all.

Aside from a a few of the mean cliquey girls at the job I j just quit, most of the people there were nice to me. So it's not me. I never did anything to those girls, so why are some people so mean and rude for no reason at all? I don't care about having friends at work. I just want to be treated with respect.
Been a vitim of bully too. I think they choose easy targets. You are shy and peaceful, doesn't offer any threat.

In my case, I collected information about the bully, information that would be problematic for him. I found out he was watching porn in the company. And i Know such thing was forbidden.

So I went to our boss and told, before other colleagues, what I knew (not only did he watch porn but didn't care to hide the images, so the girls would be awkward to stand near).

Consequences: he had to kneel to keeo his job, said he had kids and needed it, and NEVER AGAIN dared bully me....

What I did was very risky but it was a survival matter, because I could not stand anymore.

Later, when I went to the psychologist, she said I could record the things he said and use it as a proof of his attacks against me.

Anyway, I suggest, if you are going to retaliate, know how much you can handle of a fight - but I think that, in many cases, if you show you can fight (and it has to be something that will really worry them - example threaten their job) then they will back away.

Unfortunately the work place is like a jungle and you can't use our Buddha teachings, instead we must use our Rambo knowledge haha

Hope all goes well with ya!!!
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  #31  
Old Nov 30, 2016, 01:40 PM
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Hi everyone, thanks for all of your replies. I need to get back to you later as I got a surprise call from the grocery store and they want me to come in for four hours today on my period! Ugh!!! Anyways, as for Ulta, thd manager said that he'll know have to start the investigation after I told him I emailed hq.

It kind of sounded like I by doing that I forced him to have to have a talk with his ***** buddies there. He was like, now I have to investigate things. WTF? Isn't that what you should do already?

Good thing that I KNEW that nothing would be done until I pushed them into action, LOL!

I swear, I'm going to look for those girls there soon and if I see any of them, I sure as hell will confront them and ask for an apology, why they were mean to me when I was nothing but nice to me, and for an apology. If they tell me I'm crazy or whatever, I'll tell them you're full of crap, I can see and hear well, LOL!

I'll then tell them that they'll be investigated soon and that hq knows about this, LOL! When people mess with me, the claws really come out most of the time. I can't WAIT to see there shock and to turn the tables and make them feel like crap this time, or at least mad and scared. I'll humiliate them in public, lol! Then they might not dare mess with any shy people again thinking they can get away with that crap, ha ha!

I'll make friends at work, especially with management so bullies will hopefully to scared to mess with me. I'll try to not appear shy, and I'll speak up next time immediately for sure. Anyone who messes with me again will be so sorry they ever did! LOL!
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  #32  
Old Nov 30, 2016, 03:32 PM
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Thanks for the update, Shy! Good luck at the new job! We're rooting for you - working with MI is a challenge and you have courage!

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  #33  
Old Nov 30, 2016, 04:28 PM
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Congrats on the new job! I think you did the right thing by telling management about the harassment. Hopefully those girls will not get away with it again or will be talked to and hopefully understand how unprofessional their behavior is.

You need to do what feels right to you but I wouldn't confront the girls. It's doubtful they will see the error of there ways if you challenge them. Saying something like "you really hurt my feelings when you did (insert actions here)
Then if they double down on dumb it's best to walk away and just consider them a lost cause or a problem for someone else. The best revenge is not letting them break you AND continuing on which is what you are doing. Be proud of yourself. (((Hugs)))
  #34  
Old Nov 30, 2016, 05:03 PM
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I haven't read all the replies, but the best way to not get bullied is to stand for yourself. It sounds simple, yet I think it's true. It doesn't mean to be aggressive, it means to take your place assertively. Ignore the side talks about you, and get busy with your job and with the people who are serious about their jobs.
  #35  
Old Nov 30, 2016, 06:10 PM
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LiteraryLark LiteraryLark is offline
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The problem is you can't be a shy introvert at work PERIOD. Why the heck would you rely on others to handle bullies for you!? Whether at work, social life, or home life, there will always be bullies and that is the fact of life. YOU have to deal with that, not be friends with the managers so you can use them as a human shield when your feelings are hurt. Running to the authority figures for petty grievances is childish and immature. Run to the authorities figures if your rights have been violated or you have been sexually harassed or assaulted. If you want to act tough, act as if you're wearing a bulletproof vest and no harm will come to you.

I would suggest preparing comebacks when you feel bullied. If someone makes a stupid face at you, blow it off because that is a waste of your time and effort to be angry about it. People have bad days, and it's out of your control. And guess what, some people are just mean and if you went back to your old job after the fact and told them they were rude they'd laugh their ***es off right in front of you and then you'd be all upset all over again that they are still rude and you would have yet again wasted effort to get one more laugh out of them. Yes, people are rude, but YOU have control over how you react to it. YOU MUST IGNORE IT OR DEAL WITH IT, but running to the managers will only make you look bad that you cannot deal with private affairs yourself.
  #36  
Old Nov 30, 2016, 06:54 PM
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I've been bullied my whole life. And you wanna know why? Because I was so shy, quiet, and kept to myself that people thought I was aloof, lazy, awkward, uncomfortable to be around, unfriendly and RUDE that I didn't want to participate with anyone else. I remember in elementary school my classmates were playing games and one girl came up to me and asked me very rudely "What's wrong with you?" I said defensively, "I'm not doing anything!" and she said "Exactly!" Lesson learned, she wanted to include me but because I was so shy she thought I didn't want to be playing games. In middle school I was passionate about being the school secretary but I was so shy that when it came to the public speaking day I stood in front of the entire school with a paper to my face and talking very quietly and very monotonous and a school bully came up to me afterwards and said "If you weren't the only one running I wouldn't vote for you." In high school, I was told by my crush (who was seriously abusive) "You are a socially-awkward creep with friends of equal or lesser value".

I spent most of my life alone, friendless, and crying every single day, and it wasn't until my diagnosis when I said enough was enough, and focused on self-improvement. And what I've learned is that I am no longer the shy, socially awkward loner that I was up until six years ago. And the point I am trying to make is that maybe you are the rude one as perceived by others. Most people are not accepting of those who need a "safe space" and most don't understand why introverts are the way the are, because as human beings we crave social interaction. I know when there are days when I am not up to "function" on a particular day, when I'm frowning and irritable and socially withdrawn, I am perceived as rude, especially when people make the effort to be friendly and outgoing to me. For humans to be created so socially needy, it's natural for people to see someone who is socially withdrawn as rude and someone to avoid. People want to be with others who are upbeat and outgoing, not aloof and withdrawn. It is very much so considered rude and unfriendly.

I do highly recommend that you set a goal to be more socially outgoing at work.

I am creating a self-help book called "The Secret Behind the Smile: A Housekeeper's Guide to Succeed in Any Career" about what I have learned in my jobs. I do have some pointers I am collecting to place in my book, and I have some that can help you.

I will start simple to help you "fake" your way into social fabulousness. In my pursuit of personal growth, I have found that this the most important lesson to learn to succeed in any career. This is so basic you might be surprised that it even needs discussion, but it will make you appear friendly and outgoing when inside you wish you could be somewhere else. Focus on this step for your first month at your new career and let me know how it works. This is...how to say hello!

1. Make eye-contact, smile, and greet everyone you meet. In the work setting, a more professional approach is to use the time of day, such as "Good morning, good afternoon, good evening". I have always gotten a giggle out of my managers by addressing them using their last name. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Smith!" No matter where or who they manage, they've earned their title and if you get to know and learn from them, they can become a life-long mentor and will be more eager to write you a letter of recommendation for future job pursuits. Secondly, it is far more important to greet your coworkers, all of them, which can seem daunting at first when there are so many working different shifts, because you will see more of them than you will your managers. By greeting each one of them, you will learn their names by heart faster than if you were to be partnered up together, and it opens a window of communication and the idea that you are friendly and approachable because you address them by name, which is a sign of respect and a kind gesture that you can remember their name. "Good morning, Stacey!" When you are new to a job, you are at the very bottom working up, below the lowest paid employee and those who do the job you'd rather not do, so by saying hello you recognize that they are just as important as recognizing the manager and it offers a sign of respect.
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  #37  
Old Dec 01, 2016, 07:47 PM
Anonymous59125
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I think the shy ones are chosen as experimentation. We might even be created for this purpose. I've gotten out of this loop but they always come back and experiment on me again. I think the only safety is to find other victims and band together.
  #38  
Old Dec 01, 2016, 10:19 PM
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Originally Posted by ElsaMars View Post
I think the shy ones are chosen as experimentation. We might even be created for this purpose. I've gotten out of this loop but they always come back and experiment on me again. I think the only safety is to find other victims and band together.


Banding together ? Okay maybe to have someone(s) is great to vent to .

But the world isn't going to always be kind to shy or socially awkward people or anyone MI or not. Managers aren't always going to deal with unnecessary drama, they also have work to be done.

LL gave wonderful advice , things she has learned for herself and is applying daily in her life.

Even if a person has to fake it when employed then so be it .

Faking it often turns into making it.

Bullying is wrong, of course it's wrong . But it happens in every job on the planet.

Shy,,,, I hope this new job is a much better fit for you, be friendly and enjoy the paycheck !!!
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  #39  
Old Dec 02, 2016, 08:01 AM
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I agree with some of what others have said. Often the way to deal with this kind of bullying is just rise above it and do your job. It's a work place, it's not high school it's not a.social event. You're there to do a job. If you're not fitting in and the managers are always having to deal with you and your bullies, they aren't going to have a positive image of you. You will be viewed as a high maintenance employee.
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  #40  
Old Dec 03, 2016, 03:37 AM
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Tbh in the workplace I flat out let a lot go - I work with a hotchpotch bunch of people, none of whom I would choose to socialise with. Nothing wrong with them just not my kind of people, I'm probably not theirs either. I am pleasant with them, but it's workplace pleasant not friend pleasant.

I just smile and get on with my work and do the best I can that day. It works for me.

Like Christina says good luck in your new job and enjoy the paycheck!
Thanks for this!
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  #41  
Old Dec 03, 2016, 05:23 PM
Anonymous59125
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If people could just get over it, don't you think they would have thought about that on their own? Are targets of bullying stupid and suddenly hear that and go "thanks, you're right".

Why shouldn't the bullies be expected to stop? Just because someone isn't sensitive and can just get over it doesn't mean they are more worth while than the people being targeted. This is azz backwards.

And getting paid isn't about enjoying your paycheck. It's grueling work to support yourself and eat. You shouldn't be expected to put up with bullying on top of that.
Thanks for this!
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  #42  
Old Dec 03, 2016, 05:58 PM
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There are times when "turn the other cheek" or "be the bigger person" apply. This I agree with. I worked for 3 years while wrestling off sexual advances, 4 years at another place where I was harassed and 11 years at my last place of employment. I did leave a few jobs in between due to harassment but but I stuck it out and it contributed to a physical and mental breakdown on several occasions. All that needed to be done was management coming in and saying "ENOUGH". I only complained a few times....others were in her office complaining daily. It was bad for the targets and BAD for business not to address it appropriately.

Keep notes on everything. Hopefully your new job will find you with kinder people who don't think bullying is just part of life and something to "get over"

Teasing is one thing but once the word bullying is used it infers TORMENT. It's often a criminal offense and definately a moral one and should be treated as such.
  #43  
Old Dec 04, 2016, 11:39 AM
Anonymous59898
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Not sure if those replies were directed at me?

I don't mean Shy should just 'get over it' and of course there are different levels of workplace bullying.

I may be wrong but as I read it Shy was describing a cliquey bunch of women who make catty comments, not nice and not professional and certainly something team leaders management should be onto but not abuse as I would understand it. She described sexual harrassment in a previous job - that is abuse.

Shy you are leaving this place and that's good, I hope you will experience a more pleasant workplace next time.
  #44  
Old Dec 04, 2016, 01:02 PM
Anonymous59125
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Not directed at you specifically but perhaps part of my response was initiated from your reply.

The OP says they are bullied. I've been bullied and know it's not something in which one just "gets over it". I've worked with people who were bullied and they were not able to just get over it and I've been in group therapy with people who have been bullied and they weren't able to just get over it.

I must admit I don't remember much of what the OP mentioned regarding being bullied but I do recall a coworker calling her fat and commenting on what she eats. This is not acceptable at all. Some people are very sensitive about their weight. I was called a very embarrassing name by coworkers....too embarrassing to even bring it up. It wasn't right and it effects people's jobs.

If you've never been a constant target for bullies, perhaps it's okay to admit you just don't understand this situation. Because really....it's horrible and the OP mentioned this is a consistent problem. Kids in school bully often....unfortunately they grow up and bully in the workplace. They perfect their skills on how to pick targets. Some people don't even understand how bad it is when kids are bullied. That is sad. What's worse is if they have zero understanding for kids who go through it, they think adults should get over it. They have NO CLUE how bad it is for people or i would like to think they would stop saying unsupportive things. It's not the target who should grow up and not let it bother them, it's the bullies who should grow up, get help and stop tormenting people.
  #45  
Old Dec 04, 2016, 02:48 PM
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I was bullied throughout high school, I absolutely don't condone bullying.

My own coping strategy in life generally as an adult is to let a lot go. Not because I'm perfect and got it all sewn up, I have a tendency to overanalyse and have to work against that. I can be hypervigilant about interactions (I am aware I carry scars from being bullied which can be reopened fairly easily).

The girl who made the comment about being fat if she eats chips. Honestly it might be that this girl a) Has no filter b) Put crudely is a bit stupid. I had a coworker tell me I look rough these days a while back, very impolite of her but she was just telling it as she saw it. She's not emotionally intelligent, many people aren't (pc is loaded with emotional intelligence but every day life is not like that). I let it go and communicate professionally with her, then I clock off and spend time with people who I like and enjoy being with. Those work/life boundaries help me.

Anyhow, I do empathise, long term bullying in growing years can severely dent our confidence. In my reply I did not mean to mimimise but was sharing how I have dealt with situations. It may or may not be helpful.
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  #46  
Old Dec 04, 2016, 02:57 PM
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Originally Posted by prefabsprout View Post
I was bullied throughout high school, I absolutely don't condone bullying.

My own coping strategy in life generally as an adult is to let a lot go. Not because I'm perfect and got it all sewn up, I have a tendency to overanalyse and have to work against that. I can be hypervigilant about interactions (I am aware I carry scars from being bullied which can be reopened fairly easily).

The girl who made the comment about being fat if she eats chips. Honestly it might be that this girl a) Has no filter b) Put crudely is a bit stupid. I had a coworker tell me I look rough these days a while back, very impolite of her but she was just telling it as she saw it. She's not emotionally intelligent, many people aren't (pc is loaded with emotional intelligence but every day life is not like that). I let it go and communicate professionally with her, then I clock off and spend time with people who I like and enjoy being with. Those work/life boundaries help me.

Anyhow, I do empathise, long term bullying in growing years can severely dent our confidence. In my reply I did not mean to mimimise but was sharing how I have dealt with situations. It may or may not be helpful.

(((Hugs))). I'm sorry you were bullied. Yes, there are a lot of people who simply are not emotionally or intellectually talented. But many bullies are and if you let them get away with a little, you will be faced with a full on mental assault given time. Some bullies test the waters. And if it continues and you SNAP (which under prolonged exposure is a real concern) you are the problem and your managers would ask "why didn't you say anything" so it's best to put a stop to things quickly. I'm not irrational. Everyone has bad days and nice people sometimes say something without thinking. I let that go. Or someone is frustrated and usually professional, I'm not going to get offended. But once groups form and the bullying becomes a regular expected part of your day, it's time to put a stop to it. At first you can let the person kindly know it bothers you. If they keep it up, go to your boss. If it doesn't stop, go to HR. Make these people accountable or they will never change. They are probably driving their spouse and kids at home nuts too and being confronted could help them receive professional treatment which will improve their lives, the lives of their family, coworkers and every stranger they come in contact with. ((Hugs)))
  #47  
Old Dec 04, 2016, 07:57 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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So far what the OP has described is some girls who are very cliquish, that they aren't friendly to her, and one of them did make a mean remark. I'm sorry but in my opinion that's not bullying. You can't force people to like others or to accept them into their social circle. The girl who made a nasty remark, that was wrong, but it was one remark, and you have to learn to let certain things go, as difficult as it may be.

People not saying good night to you at work are not bullying you. Just because some people don't like you or don't want to socialize with you, does not make them bullies. Maybe I'm unclear about the whole situation.

When you're at work you are there to work, not socialize, not make friends. Do your work, be on time, be reliable, have a can do attitude, and your managers will appreciate you. If someone is consistently going behind your back to sabotage you or engaging in a systematic pattern of behavior to emotionally harm you, THAT is bullying. That is when you go to HR or the manager and let them know what is up.
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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

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Anonymous59125
  #48  
Old Dec 04, 2016, 08:30 PM
Anonymous59125
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I agree seesaw but I would say that the person who made the weight comment crossed a line and I would have said "that's a very rude and uncalled for statement". Otherwise she will just keep saying things like that, or more like MOGHT keep saying things. If you say what I recommended she might retaliate which is when you know you have a bully on your hands. It should be our right to say when someone has crossed our personal boundaries. IMHO.
Thanks for this!
seesaw
  #49  
Old Dec 04, 2016, 09:47 PM
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seesaw seesaw is offline
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I agree. Everyone is going to have their limit of what they will tolerate and what they won't.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
  #50  
Old Dec 06, 2016, 04:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ElsaMars View Post
You can analyze why they do it and you will probably come up with a new reason for each person. They do it for a variety of reasons but they do pick the loner because it's easy prey and they are animals after all. It really is a scumbag thing to do and they shouldn't get away with it but if you complain, most people automatically think "what did you do to deserve it". People who have never been bullied assume the target deserves it. People who are bullied will often internalize this and sometimes try to fix everything about themselves when in fact they are just fine as they are. Caring and compassionate, competent and hard working. Kind and easy to get along with. But they are shy without friends so they become target practice for whatever power trip these weirdos are on. Some people just assume that if you are messed with, you must deserve it. These are usually the same people who bully and don't see themselves as bullies.
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You should write a book on this stuff. You're that good! Us shy people and loners are usually the ones who the sharks at work like to pick on unfortunately. It's like they sense blood in the water so to speak and the predator in them comes out. It's really weird. They're more like apes then people IMHO. lol!

So this time I have tried to be nice and talk to everyone and praise them, but no, that's not good enough. I guess that I didn't kiss the managers *** enough or whatever. Eff her. Long story short, she threatened to fire me if I don't get up to pro speed in two weeks at the deli. And I've never ever worked at a deli before. She is insane, lol! So I've got two weeks to go from newbie status to Speedy Gonzalez status, lol! I'm going to start looking for a new job.

They're always short staffed too and people are always calling in sick, so I think that she's taking out a lot of her frustration out on me. She told me that I now have one strike against me now for being late one day. I apologized and told her that it won't happen again. I should've just gotten a warning.

I was being told that I was doing a great job until yesterday. Just check out the thread under work and you'll see what's going on. Oh, and she's so damn weird too. She was talking about tramp stamps to the other coworkers and how she could see one woman's crack. Then she admitted to looking a women with big boobs since she doesn't have big boobs. WTF? LOL! I have big boobs, uh oh, maybe she's jealous of me? LOL!

That is so inappropriate to discuss at work! And one poor girl named N was called a psycho in front of me. They are the psycho ones, lol!
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