How to avoid being bullied at work and....

Thanks for the update, Shy! Good luck at the new job! We're rooting for you - working with MI is a challenge and you have courage!

moogs

They choose the shy or loners because it's an easier prey. Humans are programmed to always take the path of least resistance when attempting something so it just makes sense. As for why they chose me, it was different for each person who chose me. I've had bad luck and I'm a person that some people really like and some people really don't. This was true when I was shy and didn't stand up for myself and true now that I do. I don't feel so powerless anymore....it's better having a voice but it does lead to a great deal of fear and paranoia. And not everyone can stand up for themselves and shouldn't be required to do so in a professional environment constantly. (((Hugs)))

I would just tell that girl "it really hurt my feeling when you called me fat. I like to think you are a good person who doesn't walk around trying to hurt people's feelings so I thought you should know"

Good luck no matter what you decide. I'm just very sorry any of that happened to you and I hope you find your answers on why they do it to you. (((Hugs)))

People are bullied for a variety of reasons unfortunately and working with a therapists and getting objective input from impartial people can help. Good luck.

Congrats on the new job! I think you did the right thing by telling management about the harassment. Hopefully those girls will not get away with it again or will be talked to and hopefully understand how unprofessional their behavior is.

You need to do what feels right to you but I wouldn't confront the girls. It's doubtful they will see the error of there ways if you challenge them. Saying something like "you really hurt my feelings when you did (insert actions here)
Then if they double down on dumb it's best to walk away and just consider them a lost cause or a problem for someone else. The best revenge is not letting them break you AND continuing on which is what you are doing. Be proud of yourself. (((Hugs)))

I haven't read all the replies, but the best way to not get bullied is to stand for yourself. It sounds simple, yet I think it's true. It doesn't mean to be aggressive, it means to take your place assertively. Ignore the side talks about you, and get busy with your job and with the people who are serious about their jobs.

The problem is you can't be a shy introvert at work PERIOD. Why the heck would you rely on others to handle bullies for you!? Whether at work, social life, or home life, there will always be bullies and that is the fact of life. YOU have to deal with that, not be friends with the managers so you can use them as a human shield when your feelings are hurt. Running to the authority figures for petty grievances is childish and immature. Run to the authorities figures if your rights have been violated or you have been sexually harassed or assaulted. If you want to act tough, act as if you're wearing a bulletproof vest and no harm will come to you.

I would suggest preparing comebacks when you feel bullied. If someone makes a stupid face at you, blow it off because that is a waste of your time and effort to be angry about it. People have bad days, and it's out of your control. And guess what, some people are just mean and if you went back to your old job after the fact and told them they were rude they'd laugh their ***es off right in front of you and then you'd be all upset all over again that they are still rude and you would have yet again wasted effort to get one more laugh out of them. Yes, people are rude, but YOU have control over how you react to it. YOU MUST IGNORE IT OR DEAL WITH IT, but running to the managers will only make you look bad that you cannot deal with private affairs yourself.

I've been bullied my whole life. And you wanna know why? Because I was so shy, quiet, and kept to myself that people thought I was aloof, lazy, awkward, uncomfortable to be around, unfriendly and RUDE that I didn't want to participate with anyone else. I remember in elementary school my classmates were playing games and one girl came up to me and asked me very rudely "What's wrong with you?" I said defensively, "I'm not doing anything!" and she said "Exactly!" Lesson learned, she wanted to include me but because I was so shy she thought I didn't want to be playing games. In middle school I was passionate about being the school secretary but I was so shy that when it came to the public speaking day I stood in front of the entire school with a paper to my face and talking very quietly and very monotonous and a school bully came up to me afterwards and said "If you weren't the only one running I wouldn't vote for you." In high school, I was told by my crush (who was seriously abusive) "You are a socially-awkward creep with friends of equal or lesser value".

I spent most of my life alone, friendless, and crying every single day, and it wasn't until my diagnosis when I said enough was enough, and focused on self-improvement. And what I've learned is that I am no longer the shy, socially awkward loner that I was up until six years ago. And the point I am trying to make is that maybe you are the rude one as perceived by others. Most people are not accepting of those who need a "safe space" and most don't understand why introverts are the way the are, because as human beings we crave social interaction. I know when there are days when I am not up to "function" on a particular day, when I'm frowning and irritable and socially withdrawn, I am perceived as rude, especially when people make the effort to be friendly and outgoing to me. For humans to be created so socially needy, it's natural for people to see someone who is socially withdrawn as rude and someone to avoid. People want to be with others who are upbeat and outgoing, not aloof and withdrawn. It is very much so considered rude and unfriendly.

I do highly recommend that you set a goal to be more socially outgoing at work.

I am creating a self-help book called "The Secret Behind the Smile: A Housekeeper's Guide to Succeed in Any Career" about what I have learned in my jobs. I do have some pointers I am collecting to place in my book, and I have some that can help you.

I will start simple to help you "fake" your way into social fabulousness. In my pursuit of personal growth, I have found that this the most important lesson to learn to succeed in any career. This is so basic you might be surprised that it even needs discussion, but it will make you appear friendly and outgoing when inside you wish you could be somewhere else. Focus on this step for your first month at your new career and let me know how it works. This is...how to say hello!

1. Make eye-contact, smile, and greet everyone you meet. In the work setting, a more professional approach is to use the time of day, such as "Good morning, good afternoon, good evening". I have always gotten a giggle out of my managers by addressing them using their last name. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Smith!" No matter where or who they manage, they've earned their title and if you get to know and learn from them, they can become a life-long mentor and will be more eager to write you a letter of recommendation for future job pursuits. Secondly, it is far more important to greet your coworkers, all of them, which can seem daunting at first when there are so many working different shifts, because you will see more of them than you will your managers. By greeting each one of them, you will learn their names by heart faster than if you were to be partnered up together, and it opens a window of communication and the idea that you are friendly and approachable because you address them by name, which is a sign of respect and a kind gesture that you can remember their name. "Good morning, Stacey!" When you are new to a job, you are at the very bottom working up, below the lowest paid employee and those who do the job you'd rather not do, so by saying hello you recognize that they are just as important as recognizing the manager and it offers a sign of respect.

Banding together ? Okay maybe to have someone(s) is great to vent to .

But the world isn't going to always be kind to shy or socially awkward people or anyone MI or not. Managers aren't always going to deal with unnecessary drama, they also have work to be done.

LL gave wonderful advice , things she has learned for herself and is applying daily in her life.

Even if a person has to fake it when employed then so be it .

Faking it often turns into making it.

Bullying is wrong, of course it's wrong . But it happens in every job on the planet.

Shy,,,, I hope this new job is a much better fit for you, be friendly and enjoy the paycheck !!!

I agree with some of what others have said. Often the way to deal with this kind of bullying is just rise above it and do your job. It's a work place, it's not high school it's not a.social event. You're there to do a job. If you're not fitting in and the managers are always having to deal with you and your bullies, they aren't going to have a positive image of you. You will be viewed as a high maintenance employee.

Tbh in the workplace I flat out let a lot go - I work with a hotchpotch bunch of people, none of whom I would choose to socialise with. Nothing wrong with them just not my kind of people, I'm probably not theirs either. I am pleasant with them, but it's workplace pleasant not friend pleasant.

I just smile and get on with my work and do the best I can that day. It works for me.

Like Christina says good luck in your new job and enjoy the paycheck!

If people could just get over it, don't you think they would have thought about that on their own? Are targets of bullying stupid and suddenly hear that and go "thanks, you're right".

Why shouldn't the bullies be expected to stop? Just because someone isn't sensitive and can just get over it doesn't mean they are more worth while than the people being targeted. This is azz backwards.

And getting paid isn't about enjoying your paycheck. It's grueling work to support yourself and eat. You shouldn't be expected to put up with bullying on top of that.