[shakespeare47]

I was in my early teens and working in a grocery store. One day the owner of the store walked up to me and said angrily, "You're supposed to break down those boxes before throwing them away." (so they would take up less room in the dumpster) The way he said it made it appear obvious that he had been told that I had been putting boxes into the dumpster without tearing them down- but I was actually in the habit of tearing them down. I was so upset and shocked at the time (I was pretty shy) that I didn't know what to say.

What were my options afterward? What were the possible ways to deal with what was to me an upsetting situation? (I was accused by my employer of doing something I didn't do). Keep in mind that the owner was a pretty angry, demanding guy, and I was a shy teenager with little credibility.

[TishaBuv]

You say "Yes sir. I know. I have been breaking them down."

As for what to say after, just say nothing. Let it go. Not important. Who was the azz who told on you? Did he have it in for you to make up that you were not breaking down the boxes?

Sometimes it's more fun to not get mad but get even. Just the stupid little diversions we do at menial, boring jobs to keep us amused.

[MickeyCheeky]

Mh.. can I ask you why are you remembering this? :/

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

You say "Yes sir. I know. I have been breaking them down."

As for what to say after, just say nothing. Let it go. Not important. Who was the azz who told on you? Did he have it in for you to make up that you were not breaking down the boxes?

Sometimes it's more fun to not get mad but get even. Just the stupid little diversions we do at menial, boring jobs to keep us amused.

I feel guilty when I get even. I don't want to live in a world in which people are nasty to each other. I'd rather rise above and act like in the ways that I want others to act.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

I don't want to live in a world in which people are nasty to each other. I'd rather rise above and act like in the ways that I want others to act.

Same here. Gaining anything at all at the expense of someone else ultimately hurts everyone. In a situation like the one you have mentioned, I agree with simply sticking to the facts: "Yes, the boxes are to be broken down and that is what I do"...and then just keep right on working without being concerned about why the boss had come to you with a reminder applicable to everyone. If the boss then says something like "Well, that is not what I have heard", simply say you will be sure to double-check even the smallest ones the next time you dump boxes. Overall, just agree with everything you possibly can and then confirm your awareness of what is expected without ever explaining or defending yourself unless specifically asked...and while also never pointing fingers or blame toward others unless answering specific questions in front of a judge.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by leejosepho

Same here. Gaining anything at all at the expense of someone else ultimately hurts everyone.

Although, I have to admit, that to some people, doing nothing looks like an invitation for more abuse.

The thinking is, "I can do whatever I want to that guy, and he can't/won't do anything about it".

[TishaBuv]

Well, you did ask for options. I just thought I'd point out retaliation on the guy who set you up as one.

I mean, we're talking about silly garbage duty. You could have had a laugh pranking him back with salt in his coffee or something. Not that I ever would have done that, but it's a thought.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Well, you did ask for options. I just thought I'd point out retaliation on the guy who set you up as one.

1. I'm not the type of person who enjoys retaliating
2. I have no idea who set me up.

If I did know... one possible response would be to confront the guy who set me up.
If I could do it over... I think I'd just suck it up and talk to the owner. Not sure what I'd say. Maybe even, "I don't think I like working in an environment like this." and then give my notice. It's not like I needed the job.

Or I could suck it up and look for an opportunity to talk to him and say something like, "I'm not sure who you're having a problem with, but I do break them down." Then depending on what happened, I could decide what to do next.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

1. I'm not the type of person who enjoys retaliating
2. I have no idea who set me up.

If I did know... one possible response would be to confront the guy who set me up.
If I could do it over... I think I'd just suck it up and talk to the owner. Not sure what I'd say. Maybe even, "I don't think I like working in an environment like this." and then give my notice. It's not like I needed the job.

Really? Just because he was a nasty boss who yelled at you over the boxes?

I've had so many experiences of being unjustly singled out and humiliated. It's upsetting, but so hard to avoid.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I've had so many experiences of being unjustly singled out and humiliated. It's upsetting, but so hard to avoid.

It doesn't make it right to humiliate people.
Do you ever look back and think about what you could have done differently? and/or what you would do if in the same situation again?

There are many situations in which the best response is just to leave and find a better environment.

[Bill3]

You say "Yes sir. I know. I have been breaking them down."

I like TishaBuv's response.

Like MickeyCheeky, I wonder why this comes to mind now.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I like TishaBuv's response.

Like MickeyCheeky, I wonder why this comes to mind now.

I drove for 2 days with my parents and we were reminiscing about a lot of things. It was one of the things that came up in conversation.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

It doesn't make it right to humiliate people.
Do you ever look back and think about what you could have done differently? and/or what you would do if in the same situation again?

There are many situations in which the best response is just to leave and find a better environment.

Here was the first example that popped in my head. It happened this last year. I was in a leadership class. The teacher said she was a body language expert and had us all shake hands. When she watched me shake, I didn't insert my hand fully into my partner's, but drew it back and shook more gently. She embarrassed me in front of the whole class saying she could tell by my handshake I had no character!

I was taken aback. But I just blurted out "That's not true. I have character" and I just tried to laugh it off. Others commented to me that was so rude of her and how I obviously have good character.

[TishaBuv]

How about this one? In hs, my sister's class were all chattering, including her. The teacher got mad, wadded up a sheet of paper, and stuffed it in her mouth in front of the whole class!

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Here was the first example that popped in my head. It happened this last year. I was in a leadership class. The teacher said she was a body language expert and had us all shake hands. When she watched me shake, I didn't insert my hand fully into my partner's, but drew it back and shook more gently. She embarrassed me in front of the whole class saying she could tell by my handshake I had no character!

I was taken aback. But I just blurted out "That's not true. I have character" and I just tried to laugh it off. Others commented to me that was so rude of her and how I obviously have good character.

Do you have a chance to evaluate your professor? Some constructive criticism might be in order.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

Do you have a chance to evaluate your professor? Some constructive criticism might be in order.

Not if I value my career. She was in a position to make or break me. So I had to just love everybody there.

"Having good character means that you have such admirable traits as honesty, responsibility and courage. It is beneficial for you to have good character. Being honorable and honest in the work you do and in your relations with others are essential in your life."

Lol, maybe she was right!

Yes I agree the manager wasn't practicing good staff relations by talking to you like that, even if you had been putting the boxes in whole there would have been much more amenable ways to approach you.

My response would have been to say as Tish suggested, politely let him know you had been breaking them down. Overall in work places I think politeness goes a long way, I think your own politeness may also possibly remind someone like him that they forgot theirs.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Not if I value my career. She was in a position to make or break me. So I had to just love everybody there.

"Having good character means that you have such admirable traits as honesty, responsibility and courage. It is beneficial for you to have good character. Being honorable and honest in the work you do and in your relations with others are essential in your life."

Lol, maybe she was right!

It wouldn't be much fun to be in a job/school where constructive criticism was a reason to ruin someone's career.

And don't you mean, "pretend to love everyone there"? Although it is possible to love people w/o approving of their actions.

What did you do after that? Did you continue working with him? For me I would probably quit the job if I didn't do anything wrong.

[divine1966]

I certainly don't quit a job over this. I'd tell a manager that you are aware of the policies and that you do break boxes down. Manager was rather abrasive and spoke rudely but quitting over this is rather extreme.

Over the course of my professional career and list of side jobs I had to keep to supplement my income, I encountered tons of people quitting their jobs over every little thing. I could never afford to simply quit a job and just cannot relate. For a teenager that incident could be a lesson that there will always be nasty bosses and annoying colleagues and stupid rules etc

The trick is to stay true to your own values and standards and don't stoop to their level. In cases of harassment and bullying at work there are always higher level managers and HR one can complain to.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

It wouldn't be much fun to be in a job/school where constructive criticism was a reason to ruin someone's career.

And don't you mean, "pretend to love everyone there"? Although it is possible to love people w/o approving of their actions.

I have found people put in positions of power can and will use their advantage over those beneath them. It's an ego trip for them. When climbing the ladder of success, one must be everybody's friend. Yes, it is a bit of pretending. That's why I laughed from the very definition of character! Maybe I am not so honest with my feelings about people. But it would only be of detriment to me to be totally honest. What good would it do me to tell her she hurt my feelings? At worst, she would harbor a dislike for me for having the balls to assert myself and criticize her. That would just cause me more hurt. So, I just have to let it go.

I am not totally phoney about my needing to love everyone there. I just need to let go the reasons for dislike, and focus on what I do like about each person. But yes, the reason for that is so that I can thrive in the environment, therefore the motive is less than honest and selfish. So be it. I honestly did like everybody there very much.

I agree with Divine that the ability to have such a thin skin correlates to how much did you need the job. Those of us who need the money will have to put up with all kinds of mistreatment because there is no better alternative. There will always be a nasty boss who yells over nothing and misjudged you.

I had an experience where I was the leader in a volunteer position, where I had to deal with ego maniacs hungry for power and thieves who were getting away with stealing. I shouldn't have even taken on the challenge, and it ruined my insides literally. The equivalent of HR in this situation was against me and I have no idea why. I had to call in a national agency to come to my aid, which they did. I cleaned house the best I could and then left the whole organization once my term was up. I did a lot of good for them, and was given a kick in the azz for it.

I brought my aunt to one of the showdown meetings with me so she could witness it for herself, because it was unbelievable. She was the executive director of a national organization in a scientific field. She could not believe these people! She said she never saw anything like it in all her life. I don't know why I even took that challenge on. I guess I was in a midlife crisis and wanted to give something of myself to the world. Silly me.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by Lonely Warrior

What did you do after that? Did you continue working with him? For me I would probably quit the job if I didn't do anything wrong.

The way I remember it, not long after, the place went out of business. However, I kept working there when it reopened with a new owner (one of the former employees). He liked me.

Perhaps the previous owner was just taking out his frustrations on me.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by shakespeare47

The way I remember it, not long after, the place went out of business. However, I kept working there with the new owner (one of the former employees). He liked me.

Perhaps the previous owner was just taking out his frustrations on me.

It sounds like he just wanted to yell at somebody and you weren't even doing anything wrong. He just made like you were so he could yell at someone of no consequence (you, the innocent kid employee who had the lowly job of garbage duty)

It sounds like he wasn't coping and taking it out on staff.

I had a manager who did that, it's hard to deal with. Yes you can report them upwards but it's catching them at it (often they can be very sly and will behave in front of their own managers) and no guarantee it will get sorted. I'm glad it worked out for you in the end.

[shakespeare47]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

It sounds like he wasn't coping and taking it out on staff.

I had a manager who did that, it's hard to deal with. Yes you can report them upwards but it's catching them at it (often they can be very sly and will behave in front of their own managers) and no guarantee it will get sorted. I'm glad it worked out for you in the end.

Several of you have suggested reporting the incident. This was a small independent store and he was the owner. There was no "upwards" that I was aware of (now or then)... and that could have been another factor that affected his behavior.