[Tupperware123]

hello, i'm new here thank you for visiting my thread, i apologize in advance of i broke any rule about posting and/or about my english because it's not my first language but i'll try my best so atleast it can make some sense to convey my point.

it's not really a big issue but here goes,

ever since i'm a kid i never feel attached to anything, not even a favorite things kids sometimes have and would cry instantly if you take it away from them, i didnt have any of the things i feel attached to. the same goes for friends, i didnt feel they're my "friends", but rather they were just some person i knew and goes to the same school i was attending, i didmt quite get the concept of friend (i still dont even now). this happened through out elementary school, middle, high school, and even now that i'm in uni. i dont have any friend, the kind that you feel belong into, i dont have any groups, nor do i feel belong to any group. i just feel like a bystander and i act like on without even relizing it.

some people considered me as their bestfriend, and when i'm around them, i too feel somewhat closer to those people rather than any other friend i have. but when i go away, when we stopped talking simply because we have other things to do ourself, then that's it, we're strangers again, i dont feel anything towards them, even towards a friend i had since elementary school. when they open up to me, tell me their stories, or even cried to me, i hardly feel any sympathy to them, i showed that i care but in reality i did not.

even towards my relatives, i had a relatives who used to took care of me all the time when i was a kid, he died and frankly, i didnt feel sad at all eventhough i used to cling to him and his wife all the time, i just thought i barely even know the guy anymore, we only talked once ever a couple of months or so.

to sum it up : i dont care what happens to other people around me.
but i still cared for the people i do think that they're important, such as my parents and my brother, but anyone else? not really.

but then in highschool i got a girlfriend, i obsessed over her, i cared deeply for her, and because of this i knew that i am capable of caring about someone. (but then we broke up after 3.5 years, i feel like i cant or wont care or trust anybody again but hey, atleast i AM able to care for people contrary to what i thought before).

but why do i find it so hard to simply make any form of attachment to friends? how to trully care about your friend? while i do enjoy being by my self, all the free time, without any burden at all, sometimes it gets lonely. like when i see people getting wished a happy birth day, or when i see a group of friends helping each other out, or just have some fun together. i want that. i want to experience what it's like to have friends, to trully feel that you'rw accepted, and you accept them, to trust.

thank you

[Skeezyks]

Hello Tupperware123: Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry I really don't have much to offer with regard to why you feel the way you do. This is the sort of thing people sometimes seek therapy for so that they can explore their feelings & try to figure out why they do what they do. So, from my perspective, if you want to try to come to a deeper understanding of what's going on with you, mental health therapy may well be the way to go... assuming that such is available to you where you live.

Of course, being here on PC, & reading & replying to other members' posts may also help you to begin to understand yourself better. I have found that, in replying to other members' posts here on PC, I often inadvertently shed light on some of the things I struggle with in my own life.

Anyway... since this is your first post here on PC... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[TishaBuv]

Hello and welcome to PC!

Just try to be more proactive in making and keeping friends. It requires action from both people to keep a relationship going.

Your heart will heal from past hurts and you can love again.

[yunomi]

I feel the same like you. I dont care what happened to ppl around me even family. I simply think why should i care anyway they wont care about me either in the same situation. I have 3 close friends i can trust but deep inside my heart, ofc i dont 100% trust them. I carefully think about what informations i share with them just to counter if it backfire. I go around alone and ok with it yet sometimes when i look at other "normal" ppl sometimes i wondee how does it feel to have "friends" around you and go out together etc. but then i remember its not my life and i dont really want it anyway. In my case i found out that im schizoid and have serious trust issue.

[Ocean Swimmer]

What works for me is loving myself first.

[cluelessgal]

Hey!

Welcome to Psychcentral!

I usually ALWAYS have something to say about others problem....but I guess I am as clueless as u in this regard.

From my understanding, closeness with someone involves opening up and being a little vulnerable....being vulnerable implies, not just doing "caring" things for others, but to open up about how you feel. You can say you are close with someone, not if you do something nice for them or they do something nice for u, but rather, you are able to open up, without inhibitions, about your dreams, disappointments, how someone made you happy or how someone made you sad.

We learn this skill from our family. So is your family a little uptight too? Do they have strong healthy friendships? Are they emotionally close to people outside family?

A good place to explore why you feel this way, is with your therapist.