[1stepatatime]

Hello
This is my first time posting here, I usually post on the psychotherapy forum. So here is my issue; I've been with my partner for over three years. We have had issues which caused us to separate for about four months. We've been back together since last December, living together. Our main issues are my partner still struggles with my friendship with my ex. I would like to add that my ex and I have a healthy platonic friendship, neither of us would ever want to be together again romantically because we both know that we are much better as good friends, we're at peace. Although my partner still struggled with this she is much more accepting about it then she was prior to our breakup. But I know she still has a hard time but has somewhat accepted it because she knew that I would not choose. I wasn't going to be put in that position.
So here we are today, we get along good for the most part but there are still struggles. I realize relationships are about compromise and it's give and take. My partner would love to get married, I would too but I'm not sure that we are ready, and she puts no pressure on me whatsoever.
This is a good woman. She works hard and has good morals. There are some red flags. Of course the issue of my friendship with my ex being one of them and I realized tonight that when we spend a lot of time together we start to argue. When we both are at work all day and just have our weekends together we do pretty good. So , my question is... do we have too many challenges to consider marriage? I'm wondering what some of you would do.. I just don't feel marriage is something that we should consider at the moment.. maybe down the road, I just don't know.. I was hoping after almost four years I'd have more clarity.. thanks in advance!!

[Bill3]

To my mind, you already have an answer, from your heart:

My partner would love to get married, I would too but I'm not sure that we are ready...I just don't feel marriage is something that we should consider at the moment.. maybe down the road, I just don't know..

And also:

I was hoping after almost four years I'd have more clarity..

Hope or no hope, you don't have the clarity you need, the clarity that imo a person should have before marrying.

You mentioned the red flags of the concern about your ex and the concern about arguing. What else gives you pause about marriage?

[1stepatatime]

[QUOTE=Bill3;5407122]To my mind, you already have an answer, from your heart:

And also:
Hope or no hope, you don't have the clarity you need, the clarity that imo a person should have before marrying.

You mentioned the red flags of the concern about your ex and the concern about arguing. What else gives you pause about marriage

It's her insecurities, her moodiness, and while she does have some health issues it feels like she focuses on them too much.. she often sees the glass as half empty instead of half full.

[Erebos]

Ah she is missing the point, the glass is refillable. Aside from that, your relationship has already lasted longer than a vast percentage of marriages, but still you aren't feeling it. All sounds like too many 'buts'. Maybe figuring out if there are things that need to change or get worked on first would be a good idea.

[TishaBuv]

The answer to getting married is 'no'. And you holding on to the close friendship with the ex is going to be a problem for any SO. My husband wouldn't have put up with that for a minute and neither would I. You need to find a very special person who will say that it's just great that you are such great friends with your ex. It is too threatening and bothersome a scenario for most people. If you want to fully love someone new you must let go of the close friendship with the exes.

[LifeInProgress]

I am not good at the relationship thing myself. I will say from experience if you go into a marriage with reservations about it things can get very difficult and uncomfortable. It is a strain on the marriage, no matter how we'll you think you are hiding it.

[povertyvalley]

I agree with the rest. Enjoy your time together but dont be in a rush to get married. Hope it works out for you but IMO marriage doesnt prove love, actions (on both sides) do

[MickeyCheeky]

You don't need to rush marriage.. you're ready when you both feel ready That's my advice, anyway..

[~Christina]

I would refrain from marriage until you get lots of things sorted out and it not be a quick fix .