Guilt

I've had a lot of thoughts lately about whether I should have married my husband... I feel so awful for even thinking it, but sometimes I think we'd both be better off if we'd never met. He's never done anything wrong... He's always there for me when I need him, and he tries his best to understand me. But there are fundamental differences in our personalities that I didn't realize really bothered me until now. I'm someone who always has to strive to be better, and he... isn't. He's fine with coasting through life with the least amount of effort possible. It really bothers me sometimes how little he cares about anything.

I'm going to try and bring it up with him later today, but I'm just not really sure what to say. I feel like I'm in the wrong for wanting him to be someone he's not. He shouldn't have to change that just for me... and I don't think it's right for me to even want him to. I just can't ignore it anymore...

Why are the "fundamental differences" bothering you at this point and not all along?

I read your first paragraph in my voice. I need to have the same exact conversation and it is SO awkward.

It is definitely important that you bring it up with him, though. You are allowed to have feelings and you do not need to feel guilty about them. Even if what you're communicating is not what someone else wants to hear. Holding that kind of stuff in tends to be a recipe for resentment.

Telling your husband how you feel gives him the opportunity to choose whether he wants to change or not. If not, maybe the two of you can figure out workable steps to improve together. My best suggestions are to 1.) make sure he doesn't hear you blaming him (maybe use "I" statements or something similar) and 2.) be supportive but reinforce that you envision marriage as a growing relationship that encourages the growth of each partner. I wish you much luck!

How long have you been married?