I'm a failure

I feel like I can't speak up. I have anxiety(not like panic attacks) like anxiety whenever I do anything. I recently started jamming with this drummer, I'm 17 he is 39. I know that age difference is kinda big but I have had problems finding other musicians who like the same music that are my age. I have been playing guitar in this band. I also wanna sing in this band too, but it's like something (mentally) is blocking me. Tonight(5th practice the drummer and me had together) I said "Hey I'll try singing this time." Deep down, I'm so afraid of not being good enough, sounding horrible, making a mistake, not singing in the right key.

I was so afraid of him not wanting to be the drummer anymore, he said he likes how I play guitar but he's never heard me sing before. So, I sang. But I sing really low(very quiet). When we got done practicing the drummer told me, "Our next step is to find a bass player and a singer. Someone who will be heard over the band or you can do it."

I just said "Right yeah." See what I mean? I can never speak my mind, I want to sing the songs I wrote. I want to be the singer. I don't want someone else to. I want to be able to speak up. But something is mentally blocking me, what do I do? What would you say if you were me? How do I know if I'm actually good at singing, or if I'm right and I suck(like I said, deep down I feel like I'm horrible at alot of things).

I could be wrong, but I would think his saying "or you can do it" would mean he believes you have the potential. So, maybe just let him know you are working at projecting your voice...then get the song rolling and close your eyes and imagine people in the back clapping and dancing along!

I see. I'm just a bit confused though, because after he said that, he kept saying both of those over again(he was drinking, so that might be why, I'm not sure though) he just said "Yep we're gonna be in a band. The next step is to find a bass player." etc. I could work up the courage somehow and tell him that though and practice picturing that.

How much do you find that you cannot speak your mind in daily life?

For example: let's say that at a restaurant you asked for toast without butter and they brought you toast with butter. How readily could you ask for what you wanted, which was toast without butter?

Um, how do your parents feel about this? A 17 year old alone with a drinking 39 year old? Whoa! This isn't right. You need to at least find someone else to be present.

I agree. It sounds off

Where do you meet this man? Is this even safe? Why is he drinking with you?

If you look on line you may find there are "hoots" and "open mics" near you---these are safe places where musicians of all skills/aspirations get together to jam/play/listen/sing---I am not a musician but love music and one of my pleasures is to go to open mics to hear people play/sing. Generally, they get together once a week at a local bar/restaurant/community center/etc.

I find I can't speak up in most situations. If that happened to me, it would probably take me a while before saying I wanted toast without butter. I would have to get over the mental block I have first.

I met him on the Craigslist musician side of the website.

They've told me they feel a little weird about someone so much older being in a band with me. And ok I could find someone for that.

Thanks I will look for a few of those near me.