[brainy]

First, I hope I'm in the correct thread.

Anyway, to keep this in the right thread, past Tuesday I was absolutely livid. My care coordinator tried to get me admitted, through lying, that I hadn't taken my meds for two weeks and called 911. They came but nothing happened because they saw nothing was going on.

But after they left I'm still angry, upset, just absolutely livid!!! Not knowing what to do I called LifeNet, I guess to talk myself down. She was able to calm me down by talking to me (she was sooo pleasant).

I then began telling her how about this guy. I told her about the time just last month when he wanted me to do something, I didn't want to, at least not right then and there. But, and this is where the title of this thread comes in. I didn't want to do it then, but instead of saying that, and I didn't because I knew it woulda caused a Third World War, I lied and said "I'm going out." Yes, that did cause him to go stupid and demand, bark "WHERE ARE YOU GOING!!!!?

When I told the LifeNet lady this, she said "he's abusive." She continued "in a relationship if you feel you have to lie, there's a problem in the relationship." Humph! That was news to me.

Yes, I knew about his two divorces, and he feels "god must be punishing me for what I did to my wives" but I continued anyway. Before the first time I left him, we were talking about something, but I wanted to continue that day. So I brought it up, and he said in this authoritative voice "it was discussed before and it won't be bought up again."

Wow! How stupid I was. I was actually trying to make heads and tails with an abusive man. My girlfriends, though never meeting him, tried to tell me, but I didn't listen.

Thankfully it never got to physical abuse, but it's possible the reason was we were long distance. Maybe.

Anyway (yes, I'm getting chatter box mouth, lol), I just wanted to give a heads up. Just as the LifeNet lady said, if you have to lie, he or she is abusive. And it makes sense, for the reason we might feel we have to lie to him or her is to prevent a possible explosion from him or her, if we told the truth. I am not, in any way, advocating lying. Nooo. Just a heads up to the possible reason as to why we'll feel we must lie to him or her.

Please take heed.

And it seems to me that all of my relationships were abusive in one form or another. I don't know what it is about me that seems to attract those type of men. It must be something, what else can it be? Maybe I need to discuss this with my therapist.

[healingme4me]

I do feel that needing to lie to avoid an explosive argument is a piece of the puzzle, a red flag if you will, as far as considering if in an abusive relationship.

Exploring in therapy why there's a pattern of choices in partners isn't a bad idea. Just because you haven't found a healthy chemistry yet doesn't mean you are destined to repeat and repeat with toxic relationships.

It's good to read that you were able to reach out to someone while going through this.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by brainy

First, I hope I'm in the correct thread.

Anyway, to keep this in the right thread, past Tuesday I was absolutely livid. My care coordinator tried to get me admitted, through lying, that I hadn't taken my meds for two weeks and called 911. They came but nothing happened because they saw nothing was going on.

But after they left I'm still angry, upset, just absolutely livid!!! Not knowing what to do I called LifeNet, I guess to talk myself down. She was able to calm me down by talking to me (she was sooo pleasant).

I then began telling her how about this guy. I told her about the time just last month when he wanted me to do something, I didn't want to, at least not right then and there. But, and this is where the title of this thread comes in. I didn't want to do it then, but instead of saying that, and I didn't because I knew it woulda caused a Third World War, I lied and said "I'm going out." Yes, that did cause him to go stupid and demand, bark "WHERE ARE YOU GOING!!!!?

When I told the LifeNet lady this, she said "he's abusive." She continued "in a relationship if you feel you have to lie, there's a problem in the relationship." Humph! That was news to me.

Yes, I knew about his two divorces, and he feels "god must be punishing me for what I did to my wives" but I continued anyway. Before the first time I left him, we were talking about something, but I wanted to continue that day. So I brought it up, and he said in this authoritative voice "it was discussed before and it won't be bought up again."

Wow! How stupid I was. I was actually trying to make heads and tails with an abusive man. My girlfriends, though never meeting him, tried to tell me, but I didn't listen.

Thankfully it never got to physical abuse, but it's possible the reason was we were long distance. Maybe.

Anyway (yes, I'm getting chatter box mouth, lol), I just wanted to give a heads up. Just as the LifeNet lady said, if you have to lie, he or she is abusive. And it makes sense, for the reason we might feel we have to lie to him or her is to prevent a possible explosion from him or her, if we told the truth. I am not, in any way, advocating lying. Nooo. Just a heads up to the possible reason as to why we'll feel we must lie to him or her.

Please take heed.

And it seems to me that all of my relationships were abusive in one form or another. I don't know what it is about me that seems to attract those type of men. It must be something, what else can it be? Maybe I need to discuss this with my therapist.

It's possible you were brought up in abusive family. Sometimes that causes people seek abusuve partners.

I don't know if this man was abusuve or not. From what you described he was simply disinterested. Not pursuing you, not contacting you etc it almost felt that you were actively pursuing him and he was avoiding you. Perhaps his anger was also a response to your confronting his mother over the phone. You said some very mean things to her. I am not abusive but I'd totally explode if anyone attacked my mom especially in advanced age. So perhaps abuse went both ways

It's great you are seeing a therapist. I just don't think this situation with that man is example of abusive relationship. Maybe a relationship with disinterested unavailable man. Maybe it's important to explore why you continued pursuing him for so long