Throw away ex wifes pics?

I have a new girlfriend now after getting divorced three years ago. She found pics of my ex in my closet and said they make her feel uncomfortable and wishes I would throw them away. I did throw them out to make her feel more comfortable, but got really down after looking at the good times I had with my ex in the past. Throwing the pics away was extremely difficult for me and left me feeling confused if I made the right decision. Any thoughts from my fellow posters?

Thanks

well it could go either way....if i were you i really wouldnt have thrown them out if you dont think she is going to be long term marriage material...why throw out something for someone who isnt going to be with you forever...and said you said NEW girlfriend...im sure you dont know yet.....now from a girls point of view....i know how painful it is to know that my boyfriend (who WILL eventually be my husband) has pictures of his ex girlfriend....and how he did love her at one point....i asked him to put them away...not nessecarily throw them out...plus that was your wife and even though she is your ex....she was still your wife....is there copies you can get? Or perhaps retrieve them somehow? Im not sure what to tell you in order to get them back....but i think you shoulda just put them away instead of throwing them out...but thats my opinion....and if there is no way to get them back than you should put the past behind you and try to figure out a way to remember those memories....whether it be writing in a journal of the events or something....good luck....sorry if i was not helpful...

I would never ask my hubby to throw out his photos. those are HIS memories not mine. kind of childish in my opinion. I am really really sorry she talked you into doing this. ((((hugs))))

I didn't throw away any of my exs pics or memorabilia until I had the engagement ring on my finger and the wedding date set, this IMO

Take gentle care,
Dee

Why was your new girlfriend snooping in your closet? That should be a big red flag right there, imo.

I agree those are your memories to cherish; she shouldn't have asked you to dispose of the pictures, especially after you had the decency to pack them out of sight. That she did suggests she may be somewhat immature and insecure.

My husband has carried a picture of his first wife with his (now deceased) first daughter in his wallet for our entire 19-year marriage. They're not a threat to our relationship, and I would never suggest he get rid of them. Just another perspective.

you had a life before you met her, why should it be expunged like it never happened. Id keep my eyes wide open with this one. Jealousy is NEVER a good thing.

I kind of agree.. you had the pictures in the closet, it's not like you were displaying them on the mantle. Everyone has a past, and it's not fair to try and take someone's away from them.

Before your new girlfriend “found” the pictures, how often in the last 3 years since the divorce, have you actually taken them out of the closet to look at them? Was it on a regular basis or just every now and then?

This incident has upset you, not because your girlfriend asked you throw out the pics of your ex, that is a completely different issue, that is a you and her issue, not a you and your ex issue.

It is because of the realisation that it really is over with you and your ex, time to move on, looking back for the last 3 years regularly at those pics, has kept you right there, in 2004.

Reality has finally stepped up and kicked you squarely balls after 3 years of you using those pics as some kind of mental barrier to keep your fantasy alive. (Ouch that hurts been there)

One thing you kept hold off to hold on to that fantasy (the pics) and help suppress the reality boot is gone now, you have no defence against it, reality that is.

So now here you are, “playing outside of your safety zone” before you always had the pics to go back to too reinforce whatever positive feelings you still hold for your ex fuelling your fantasy for the last 3 years, now there gone, what you gonna do?

How can you still have feelings for your ex her if you don’t have them pics to remind you of the good times, don’t supposed you kept any from around the time of the divorce? Nah that would be crazy right?

Just a curious thought, what else did you keep that is personal to you and your ex, relating to the good times in the marriage? That is assuming you did have some good times, based on your reluctance to accept that the pics have gone, still have the ring? Something else maybe?

I don't know what your girlfriend was doing rummaging around in your closet but I don't think I would have gotten rid of a piece of my life like that? I might have told her I was sorry she felt that way about "my" life and would have taken the pictures and moved them to somewhere she wouldn't find them. You shouldn't have to feel badly about anything that is/has been part of your life and is/was important to you! Your girlfriend has the problem, not you. It doesn't make sense that she is uncomfortable about your pictures. There's nothing she can "do" about your being married before and it wasn't like the pictures were out and about in your home! And, it's a girlfriend versus a wife; were you married again, it would make more sense but who does your girlfriend think she is to be able to dictate what personal mementoes you keep of your life?

I agree with everyone here. She had no right to look thru your things and ask you to throw pictures/memories away. It's not like you were displaying them prominently.

From another point of view, I have been one of those snoops who looked thru things...with one fella I dated. But he was extremely secretive and deceptive, and my snooping only confirmed it. Needless to say, I ended the relationship. I'm not proud of this behavior, but some men's behavior promotes insecurity. You don't sound like such a man, and I'm sorry you had to do this.

Other men I've dated have shown me photo albums of their lives which included past wives and girlfriends, and I am not bothered by this. I also have pictures of my ex husband in photo albums. These pics hold no sentimental or romantic value for me, but are part of my past. If a man I was dating asked me to throw them away, I'd see that as a big red flag and show him the door!
Patty

I guess everyone has his or her own two-cents on this one, and I am no different.

First, I wouldn't dream of asking my husband or a boyfriend to throw out something related to a previous relationship. I am nearly 60 years old, and I can truthfully state that this thought has never crossed my mind, despite having had a marriage and several very LTR. Bebop says it all on that one.

Second, I agee this is a red-flag. If she was snooping, it's time for you to set some boundaries. If you'd asked her to fetch something from the closet, and she stumbled across the photos, it was time to put them away, far away somewhere.

Look, my 15-year mate's photos were a mess, so I took the box, selected the best ones and arranged them chronologically to represent his life, so he could have a keepsake to remember all these important moments. I think it was one of the best gifts I ever gave him. These photos included those from a youthful and glamorous wedding -- something we never had.

I think this gf was just plain wrong and immature.

Well welcome to PC...glad you were able to step out and post about a subject that is troubling you...

How are you doing? You received a lot of feedback that might be a lot to take in...

Since the pictures are gone...try not to spend a lot of time worry about if it was right or wrong...as worrying doesn't do much good...

I don't think you should have thrown them away either, just kept them packed away. I understand how your gf must feel, but the others are right - the past can't be erased. Late last year, just before I moved in with my bf, I found a letter by his bed that his ex-gf (from when we were taking a break mid-last year) had written him a month or so earlier that he'd left there (my bf tidies his room about once a year), and that really upset me since I was only just finding my feet in this new phase of our relationship, but he put it out of sight somewhere and I don't think it bothers me now, I'm sure he's prob got a few pics and other mementoes hidden away somewhere, as do I from my past relationships.

The only reason for throwing them out would be if you were looking through them regularly and still maintained feelings for your ex, like mellors said, but even then just packing them away could work.