I May be Abusive - Please help

I started birth control for the first time ever this year. Since then, I've developed huge mood swings and a change in personality. I have never been a violent person - never hit or screamed at anyone before. Suddenly, while angry, I have repeatedly screamed at my boyfriend, refused to let him leave the room during an argument, and slapped him out of anger. He broke up with me because he couldn't take it anymore. I realized for the first time today that my actions have been abusive and I am plagued with guilt. I know this is not who I am - I have talked to family members and friends who have known me for years and they all say that they do not know me as an abusive person. Is it possible for someone to become abusive in such a short period of time? If not the birth control, what has caused me to become this monster?

I am planning to get the birth control removed this week (it is an implant in my arm) and all I can think about now is how much I have hurt my ex over the past few months. I hate myself for it, and I find myself thinking of hurting myself during my darkest moments. The pain feels like it will never go away. I can't eat or sleep. I still love him, but I don't think he can ever forgive me for what I've done. I don't know what to do. Please help.

Have you spoken to your doctor or to a psychiatrist about what could have caused these sudden changes?

I am sorry to hear you are in so much distress. Whilst rare it's not unheard of fort someone to experience sever hormonal reactions to birth control. I think you have followed the time line and made a reasonable connection. Removing the implant may help considerably, but be sure not to dismissing other possibilities. Did u want to go on the implant in the first place. Was there some other things going on that may have triggered this. Maybe talk it through with a professional.
Lathe best, I hope that in a few weeks you will be feeling much more your old self.

My daughter was extremely depressed while on birth control pills. And she isn't prone to that. So she only uses iud now

Maybe talk to a doctor.. it could be that you're just over-stressed? Either wai, I'm sorry for what happened

I don't take the bc pill because of the marked emotional distress it causes in me. I get very depressed.

It's only a matter of google searching to find a link between birth implants and mood swings. The problem is not you, it's the implant.
See how you feel after its removal. You've made the right decision.
Afterwards, you can apologize to your SO and explain why it's because of the implant.
Good luck

First get off the birth control. Depending on your body and how long you were on it. It may take some time to get back to your normal emotional baseline. If after a month you don't feel like the mood swings are any less...then I would go see a psych professional.
Also, a question? I know those closest to us often unfortunately sometimes bare the brunt of the worst of us, but do these mood swings only happen involving your husband?
If I miss read please excuse that last question...but if not...I'm curious....
Besides the birth control did anything else happen or change in your relationship when these mood swings started?
Last question and you don't need to answer this if your uncomfortable...how old are you?..the only reason I ask is because some personality, mood, and psychotic disorders statistically tend to "crop up" in certain age brackets. And also some people go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed until later than the normal age bracket because some symptoms may be mild and then exasperate at a later age or "perfect storm"...by which I mean a combo of stressors and underlying unnoticed/bottled up/ or undealt with previous traumas or issues...just some thoughts to chew on. Hope it's just a bad birth control reaction tho and whatever the cause turns out to be...please be forgiving and kind with yourself ...because you are not a horrible abusive person. The fact that you are aware of and able to admit to and own your behaviour and you seem to genuinely feel remorse and ashamed and shocked by your actions. That means you are a good person who is going thru a rough time and haven't handled it well. And now that you are aware of all of these things you can get help with figuring out other healthier ways to cope with emotional disregulation. So no you are not a horrible abusive person...please do not resign yourself to such a heavy label. You can beat what ever this is!