[cluelessgal]

I am a 32 y.o woman. I live with my mom n bro (normal in my culture). I love my family, but off late, I can't stand to live with my family. Both my mom and bro are very strong personalities and I end up doing what they want, even if I really, really, really don't want to. I have also become very slothy and dependent. I feel like I need my family's approval for the tiniest things (esp my bro, who is VERY opinionated).

Over time, a part of me has started loving the idea of living alone - for the peace & solitude, for having 100% control over my day, space, things I eat and my to-do list.

But another part of me feels like I am running away from my family. My mother had it tough growing up and did back-breaking amount of work for her family....and raising us. I'm pretty sure even my mother would have got fed up of it all and wanted to leave everything....but she stuck for us.

Things with my family is extremely dysfunctional. I want to improve things and relationship with my family. When I try to work things with my brother, it turns into screaming matches and I ALWAYS give in because I can't stand things being rough for long. When I try to work things with my mother, it works for 2 days then falls back to the comfortable but dysfunctional level. Also, I've lived in the same place for the last 20 years....SAME PLACE with bad memories.

Do you think living alone for a while might make things better with my family? Am I being selfish in wanting to move out (atleast for a while)? Am I running away from my family or am I finally taking control of things?

Thank you for reading. Double thanks for answering! Please be gentle...emotionally, I am not ready for harsh words that I have not already heard from my family or super-hyper self-critical me.

[divine1966]

At 32 it is perfectly fine to live alone so yes it will improve your relationship. My parents and I get along but we wouldn't if we lived together. It is natural to be independent at certain age

[Erebos]

I feel like you already know the answer to your question,but if it helps to be reassured then I will do so , happily.
I think living apart from your family sounds like a wonderful opportunity, to discover yourself, your own likes and dislikes.Maybe do some work on standing up for yourself. Strengthening your own self image. Moving does NOT mean you don't love your family, if any thing it's the opposite, you have realised your unhealthy together in this way and you want something better. Good for you.I hope it all work s out for the best.

[BipolarMama31]

I will tell you my story.

I lived with my mom until I was 13ish. The day I left to live with my dad was a big argument. Just like all of the previous years living with her.
After a few years we got close. Now, over 10 years later, she is my best friend.

She recently moved closer to me. (About 3 hour drive opposed to 12 hour drive) and we are bumpy just learning to see each other more.
But, she has never spent the night at my house because we both know it will just start arguments.

So in my life, NOT living with my mom was the best thing she and I could ever do to strengthen our relationship.

I will also say, at the beginning she was very very hurt not having me with her. (Even though I got kicked out, which is a complicated story).
So if you chose to live independently, expect your family to react emotionally in their own way.

I wish you luck and strength with your decision.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think living apart is perfectly reasonable.. it's your choiche, though.

[Bill3]

In your culture what are the consequences of a daughter moving out as you are considering?

What are your thoughts and feelings about "giving up" when your mother did not give up?

[cluelessgal]

Dear divine1966,
Thank you for answering. It's something even I feel....coz sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Dear Erebos,
Thanks a ton for the reassurance. You got that completely right. I need to learn to stand up for myself. I just want a little solitude to hear my own voice, living with others just drowns it.

Dear BipolarMama31,
Thanks...I want to make relationship with my family stronger too....right now, it's really dysfunctional. I'm glad your relationship with your mom became stronger.

Dear MickeyCheeky,
Thanks for answering. I know it's my choice, but I still feel enormously guilty for exercising it. I am also really scared to move.

Dear Bill3,
Thanks for replying.

To answer your questions....

There are no consequences. My family may doubt if I can live alone (even I doubt that) but that's about it.

Honestly, I feel really guilty to move out. But I also know my mom is emotionally shut down. 90% of conversation in my family is "nonsense"....we really don't communicate to each other. I feel living alone...atleast for a while would help me find myself. At this stage....I don't know what I feel is 'normal' or not....but I feel really agitated fitting everyone else into my life and I feel emotionally drained. I just desperately need a little solitude. I hope some time apart would heal me and renew relationships.