[Artchic528]

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!

My kid brother spent all night out drinking with his buddies again and threw up all over the damn bathroom....AGAIN!! He didn't even bother to fully clean it up from last time. I swear......

I think he even drove home drunk this time. I wouldn't put it past him.



Is there a way I can force him to get help?

[Artchic528]

I don't know what to do...

Part of me wants to do something so drastic that something has to be done....

Mostly I just need someone to talk to right now....

[Artchic528]

I'm on the verge of tears.....I can't cry though....it's not like I'm holding back....I'm just exhausted, tired....

I want to smash something.....

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry for what happened..

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm sorry for what happened..

Thanks....but this is probably what will happen for a while. He'll go out drinking all night long starting Saturday night, come home Sunday morning piss arse drunk, and throw up all over himself in the bathroom making a huge arse mess, then sleep all Sunday away. He has Sunday and Mondays off so it's bound to be a common reoccurrence.

I've just decided that if he's going to make a mess of the bathroom on a weekly basis, he's now solely responsible for cleaning it up from now on.

I've also realized I can't handle this anymore. He's triggering me big time. My hands are shaking, I'm so upset. There's even been flashes of SI going through my head, though I'm trying my hardest not to act on them.

[Erebos]

Hey Artchic, sorry to hear what your up against. If I remember rightly your not only stuck with a brother with obvious drink problems, but your mother is an enabler.
If I have that wrong my apologies.
Think you know he can only get help if he chooses to, cld you video him when he comes back at his worst.
Or would this just be a source of amusement for him?
Other than that all I can think is to protect your self as much as you can from getting dragged into his chaos.
Easier said than done, I am sure.

All the best. Stay strong.

[Crazy Hitch]

His behaviour is completely unacceptable. I can't understand why your mother lets him get away with this! She should boot him out on his ***.

Will your mom let you use the other bathroom in the meantime? This sounds like an awful thing to have to see and smell even once.

I don't think people stop drinking until they want to. Either something comes along that they care about more than drinking or bad things start to happen that make them reevaluate the need to drink. Or he could have a mental issue that needs to be addressed (but bad things happening sometimes make people realize this). I would ask him how he got home and encourage him to get a ride home or drink within walking distance.

I am sorry you are having to endure his bad, inescusable behavior.

[Onward2wards]

((( Artchic )))

Not sure what to suggest. Sounds like time for an intervention over there. A person attempting to handle their problems via an addiction plus an enabler in the household sounds like a horrible situation.

[Bill3]

[divine1966]

It's terrible. You can't make him stop until he wants it. You can report him for driving drunk if you have evidence. You can move out. If you can't then you ask mom to let you use her bathroom. Would you consider living in maybe group home setting? Anywhere but not in that house?

[A Red Panda]

Ugh. Wake his sorry a$&@ up in the morning and drag him in there.

sorry you're stuck with that disgusting surprise in the morning.

[Open Eyes]

Well, I would not let your brother use the bathroom. I would put a pail in his room and let him deal with his own mess.

It sounds like your mother is an enabler.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!

My kid brother spent all night out drinking with his buddies again and threw up all over the damn bathroom....AGAIN!! He didn't even bother to fully clean it up from last time. I swear......

I think he even drove home drunk this time. I wouldn't put it past him.



Is there a way I can force him to get help?

No, there is no way you can force him to get help. And there is no way you can force your mother to stop enabling him.

Is there a second bathroom in the house? If there is, then start using that bathroom, and don't even go in the bathroom your brother uses . . . not to clean it, not to use it . . . make believe it doesn't exist. Your mother is enabling this situation. Let her worry about the vomit-covered bathroom.

Does your mother need financial help from your brother to keep a roof over her head? If the answer is "yes," then that's the trade-off between them. She puts up with the drunkeness because he pays room-and-board. She'ld probably put up with it, even if he lost his job. Change is unlikely. The two of them will eventually be going down the tubes together.

Where does this leave you? You really have no obligation to clean up your brother's puke no matter what, IMHO. Even aside from the puke, that's got to be a miserable place to call home.

You might want to take in a meeting at Al-Anon. Get some of their literature. They helped me enormously to see an important truth of life: What other people do is their business. Your focus should be on what is your business. If you're in a miserable environment - which you are - work on a plan to get yourself out of that environment. Until then, keep up a wall between how your brother lives and how you live, as much as possible.

Are you past the age of 18? Are you working, or going to school? Do you have an income? What is your plan for your life? Focus on that like a laser.

Your brother, obviously, is a mess. Keep thinking: "My brother is a mess." and, eventually, you'll be a mess. Decide, right now, that there's a limit to how many minutes of the day you are going to spend thinking about your brother. I'ld set that at about 2 minutes a day. Spend the rest of your waking time thinking, "How do I get out of this crap-hole I'm living in . . . that is only going to get crappier, as time goes by?"

By the way . . . your brother is not a kid.

[seesaw]

I agree that it's time for you start looking at options to live away from your parents. Maybe look into a group home or having a roommate. I know you do work part-time. Even those of us with mental illness have to learn to support ourselves if we want to get better and get away from the toxic people.

Good luck,
seesaw

[Artchic528]

Well, there is only the half bath downstairs and the master bath as part of the master suite as alternatives to the bathroom my brother and I share. I could use the half bath for the toilet but it has no shower, hence the half part. I haven't used the toilet in the bathroom my brother and I share since Sunday and I don't know what to do about bathing yet.

[Rose76]

Would your mother get upset if you showered in the master suite bathroom? In exchange you could make it your special project to keep that bathroom absolutely pristine. Maybe even do some extra cleaning if the master bedroom - like vacuuming, dusting etc. Then let the understanding emerge that the bathroom you used to share with your brother is now his to do what he likes with . . . or whatever your mother lets him get away with.

[Medusax]

I would react very unfavorably if this were me, but I am lucky. My siblings are straight-laced and far, far away. I REALLY like your crayon meme. I like to color myself and I am 51. Hope you have a great day.

[~Christina]

Anyway to wipe up some of his throw up and leave it under his pillow?

Yes childish but I wouldn't care

[divine1966]

If he has an addiction, cleaning after him isn't a good idea. It's enabling. The entire family needs to attend al anon meetings.

[eskielover]

Your mom OWES YOU the use of the master bath to shower in since she is enabling his behavior & allowing you to be shoved out of the one bathroom you had available to use. There is no excuse for this behavior being acceptable