[FallenAngel454]

I'm not sure if you've seen my other posts or not but I've been kinda unfaithful to my boyfriend. He and I have been online dating for almost 6 months and I have unfortunately been flirting with other people behind his back.

I've felt really guilty about it and I've even had trouble sleeping over it because I truly love him. He was my best friend before we began dating and we have been through so much together. I have a feeling I am gonna be caught soon so I feel like it is better to tell him my self than have him find out through a secondhand source.

I really feel horrible that I have hurt him and I am terrified that he will end up leaving me. I've been planning telling him all day and I have been telling him how much I love him numerous times today and how deeply I care for him.

He has been so sweet and kind. I was planning on keeping this a secret forever but I just can't. My conscious is harping on me too much and I need to spill the beans because I feel he has a right to know. So how should I tell him?

I was planning on saying "I need to tell you something." and tell him over text but should I do it over the phone instead? I feel like if I do it through text he'll think I'm not sincerely sorry and surely dump me but if I do it over the phone I don't think I'll be able to keep my composure.

We are long distance so I can't just meet him in person and tell him. What should I do? How would you tell your SO if you cheated on them? Thanks for your help

[Crazy Hitch]

Given that you posted a vote poll topic on the fact that you have a back up lover in case things go sour with your SO, I am finding it hard to gauge the sincerity of this post.

[FallenAngel454]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Given that you posted a vote poll topic on the fact that you have a back up lover in case things go sour with your SO, I am finding it hard to gauge the sincerity of this post.

Eh he and I really don't talk much, pretty much like only once every 3 weeks. Sometimes only once a month. He just likes me and I kinda like him but not as much as I like my boyfriend. He is just there in case I need an emotional safety net.

[Artchic528]

IMHO, you have a lot of soul searching and growing up to do before you can figure out what it means to be in a relationship. There's no such thing as a dating "safety net". You just can't do that because that means you aren't being 100 honest and faithful to your SO. It means you don't trust him 100% and the relationship won't ever go anywhere that way. No wonder you've been unfaithful.

I'd seek therapy for why you feel compelled to always be unfaithful and keep these alleged "safety nets" in your life.

[Erebos]

I don't understand, where I come from flirting isn't cheating, unless your intent is actually get with these other guys.

Given that why do you need to tell him, why make drama out of nothing . If your conscience is bothering you, stop doing it and move on.

If your intent behind flirting is to find someone else. End it with him and move on.
This is just my opinion of course.
All the best.

( in case your unclear implying to someone your interested just in case your actual relationship crashes and burns is just 'using'.
I really hope you can find enough confidence and strength to not be afraid of being on your own.)

Am I correct in assuming that you've never actually met these guys in person?

Also, flirting isn't cheating, I agree.

I think you should just let both of these guys go.

[divine1966]

Imho since you have never met any of these people (neither then one you are "dating" nor the ones you are "cheating" with), it is safe to say you don't really have an affair and you don't really owe anything to people whom you have never even met.

Talking to people online isn't really "dating" imho.

i suspected you are very young and I was right. You are 16.

Do your parents know what you up to online? I am also concerned that you said you drink alone in your bedroom. You shouldn't be drinking. Where do you obtain alcohol? Again where is your family in all this?

I am concerned about your safety: talking to ton of strangers and drinking...

Are you seeing a therapist/counselor?

[Trippin2.0]

Don't make your guilt his problem, that's just cruel and selfish.
Since you didn't actually cheat and cant pass on any diseases, there's no reason to say anything.

If you really feel so bad about your behaviour, stop it. End of. Simple.

[LadyShadow]

First, I didn't know you were 16 and drinking while talking to these guys online. Online isn't really a relationship, I am sorry but it isn't. So there is nothing to feel guilty about. Also flirting isn't cheating.

My main concern is like divine's. Where are your parents in all of this?

Be careful, and be kind to yourself. You should take care of YOU first.

[healingme4me]

I didn't realize that you were 16 until this thread, either.

I'm also confused about what is meant by you, regarding cheating.

I also hope that you are practicing a bit of online safety in regards to sharing personal information and/or photographs. You are a vulnerable demographic.

What about enjoying in person activities with your peers?

Where are you getting the alcohol? Are your parents not monitoring what they have in their home? I started sneaking alcohol at age 13. Truly, it's not worth it in the long run. My dad was rather neglectful during those years. Alcohol access stopped when I moved to my mom's at 15/16. It wasn't daily but certainly escapism of my emotions during troubled times. There was much going on around me, hence troubled times.

Edit to add: oh geesh, I was caught up on my other thoughts before rushing my son to meet his teammates. Now, how to tell someone that they aren't the only person that you are chatting with. Probably keep it simple. Mention your youth and trying to discover your niche and identity. I mean honestly, it can take a while to figure out the type of conversationalist that meshes with you. Plus as you find yourself meeting goals a life dreams, finding a complementary person to be alongside of you takes time. There's nothing wrong with not making a lengthy commitment that could span the next several decades.

It really is OK to be talking to more than one guy.

I'm not sure why society has evolved to the point where women are only supposed to talk to one guy?

It seems to me that it used to be that women were free to talk to as many guys as the wished...and then if a women wanted to, she would make a commitment to one guy, at which point the interest in other guys would stop.

But anymore, it seems like women are only supposed to talk to one guy, and the commitment starts at "hello".

At least this is how it seems to me anyway, and I've been chastised by "friends" for getting to know more than one guy at a time.

In my mind, I can have as many friends as I want, and there is no commitment to someone until we have that commitment conversation.

Otherwise, you're just making a lot of assumptions.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by GoldenWaves

It really is OK to be talking to more than one guy.

I'm not sure why society has evolved to the point where women are only supposed to talk to one guy?

It seems to me that it used to be that women were free to talk to as many guys as the wished...and then if a women wanted to, she would make a commitment to one guy, at which point the interest in other guys would stop.

But anymore, it seems like women are only supposed to talk to one guy, and the commitment starts at "hello".

At least this is how it seems to me anyway, and I've been chastised by "friends" for getting to know more than one guy at a time.

In my mind, I can have as many friends as I want, and there is no commitment to someone until we have that commitment conversation.

Otherwise, you're just making a lot of assumptions.

Op is a guy. But it doesn't matters. You are right. Talking to strangers online isn't the same as being unfaithful to ones significant other. We are talking here on Internet forum, it doesn't mean we have stand by lovers on here haha

Also frankly even if conversation is provocative and of sexual nature unless you are in a committed relationship (which fallen angel isn't), it's not a big deal

Originally Posted by divine1966

Op is a guy. But it doesn't matters. You are right. Talking to strangers online isn't the same as being unfaithful to ones significant other. We are talking here on Internet forum, it doesn't mean we have stand by lovers on here haha

Also frankly even if conversation is provocative and of sexual nature unless you are in a committed relationship (which fallen angel isn't), it's not a big deal

Whoops, my bad. I totally thought the OP was female. I have a bad habit of assuming gender based on usernames. My apologies.

[TishaBuv]

If you are only 16, you are just learning how to be with SO and dating. You don't have a real relationship with either guys you are drunk flirting with online, thus no need to tell one about the other.

Please be careful and ask yourself why you are doing what you are doing?