[LadyShadow]

Hello everyone!

Before I get into this, I have to say I have been chatting in chatrooms for many years now, and I have made some wonderful connections over the years, but all have moved on or have disappeared from my life. I have gotten myself involved romantically, sexually, and even met some of these people in real life. As I aged, I became more of a recluse. My bipolar and my weight got out of control and I have struggled these past few years to meet anyone In person. I have however, got engrossed in the online world. It's an addiction and honestly I may have substituted it in place of alcohol. But that's another thread for another section...

Relationships. Hard one. I find myself on a constant search. A need for a deep connection with a man. To find love and romance. But it even isn't all about that, I would like some real life non-romantic friends too. I have tried to go to Meetups at Meetups.com in my area, but they weren't helpful in finding at least some friends to hang out with. I am lonely. I need a network of friends or I need to make some more friends in my life that are not online. I mean it's so bad that I don't even have any online friends except for maybe two. I do however have my best friend who I talk to every night so at least I am not totally alone (I thought I was in love with him but that seems to be a dead end). So, I can't confide in him my sexual feelings, or even bipolar feelings. There are some things some people just don't understand you know? I mean really I thank God for him because I would be much worse off than I am.

I guess what I am saying is I need to DO something. I recently quit my job (my ex-boss was a total jerk), so in between looking for work and trying to keep my disability (I had a review recently, YIKES!), I have been at a loss on how to make friends. I mean even in NYC its hard, even though you wouldn't think it is. I can't go out to Manhattan, (the city causes such anxiety and claustrophobia), but I do have a car so I can go places around where I live..

However, getting me out of the house is another problem. My sleeping is all out of wack and by the time I am completely awoken for the day it's like already 4pm, and over here it's dark by then and I don't really like driving at night. I know, I know more excuses. I mean I know there are easy ways to fix my situation, but I am just STUCK you know? And what's up with me not even being able to have online friends? I mean the only people that seem to reach out to me these days are married men and honestly screw that. I know that may be shutting myself off a bit, and is a little mean, but no thanks.

I guess the best way to get the best advice is to be completely honest. People tend to be self absorbed, (myself included which doesn't help).I have met many wonderful nice people over the years, but its never a conversation about art, history or philosophy. It's "my new Instagram pic," or "look at this cat flushing a toilet." And with men it's "hi" or "you look nice, what do you do for fun?" I feel like i am stuck on repeat with a lot of these people. I can't seem to connect with women or men that have interests in anything other than social media, or politics, or why they hate Trump. Ugh enough of that already.

You ever felt like you were set in your own ways and you want to find people that are like you or at least share the same interests? I guess everyone has that wish. I wish to be intimate again, and fall in love again. I wish to have a group of girlfriends I can have brunch with, (non-alcoholic ones of course, which is a mountain in itself because it seems most women in their 30s around here seems to love that wine a little too much!) I suppose things will change once I find work again, but in the meantime I just wanted to vent and hear of any suggestions you may have. Also, if you want to make an online friend, I'm here

Thanks for reading. Oh and hugs to those that need it.

[TishaBuv]

I know it's shallow, but the first thing is losing weight. That gives you more confidence and attracts more people (including yourself to yourself). I'm on a gluten-free, high fiber diet now for my intestinal issues and weight gain. It's so hard to do, and I honestly have not lost hardly any weight yet, maybe it's the meds.

Physical exercise. Get those endorphins pumping.

Then just keep reaching out, going out, having experiences. It's like riding a bike.

You also have us here.

Once, you showed a picture of your face and a post and I really thought you looked beautiful--your face did not give the appearance of being overweight. However, it is important to keep our weights stable for many obvious reasons. I have always found that I have to exercise in order to maintain my weight and it helps me sleep too.

I recently reached out to some old friends online but, of course, I'm never going to discuss my mental health issues with them. I feel like I can only do it here and that makes me feel connections to people here that seem "different" but good. But perhaps we should limit our time here in order to free up time to achieve other goals. I have learned a lot from many of the posts here, so it is not all wasted time when we come here.

I agree with your observations about not wanting your social relationships to be all about alcohol anymore, I also came to the realization that all the alcohol I was drinking was harming me in many ways. I do think that spending time online is much better for us than the drinking was so don't be to hard on yourself about that.

I assume everyone yearns for things they do not have. Life is about striving I guess. We can relate....

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. Losing weight can be a start - it is good for your health, as well. I wish you good luck with your social interactions.. I struggle with that, as well I'm lonely..

Big hugs and love

[LadyShadow]

Thanks everyone for your loving support! And thanks HopingTyring for remembering my picture! I will try and lose the weight, it has been a big hinderence for me when making relationships (with men) and even some with women.

I am thinking of joining NutriSystem once I start working again. I filled out 8 job applications this morning so I am happy about that! Also, I think staying away from drinking is the best thing for me. I am thinking maybe look into some AA groups to make friends? What do you guys think?

I have to definitely connect more though. Someone posted on another thread about https://www.nolongerlonely.com/ I am going to give that a try and see how I do with it. I think I will join a couple of Pen Pal sites too to maybe give me a head start in making some friends.

I did speak to one of my long time friends this morning about all this and he was very supportive, but he is not local. I think I need to start looking into some local groups, perhaps to you know go out and have a cup of coffee or something. I think it's important that we interact with people. I have found that the more I connect the less depressed I feel.

I'm on a pen pal site right now and meeting a lot of new people. It really is a lot of fun....but of course, with the caveat that as a female there is some BS to wade through. Once you get through that though, you can indeed meet some good people.

I'm always here for you, I hope you know you can drop me a line anytime you like.

I do understand though that need to be face to face with people, I have struggled with that too at times. Making friends is not an exact science although there are things we can try like joining interest/exercise groups, volunteering in what you truly love. I did all of those things with mixed results - I got a whole bunch of acquaintances, and a few really good friends.

There were the years I relied solely on the internet for socialization. It became an addiction. Breaking it was hard to do. I had to do so cold turkey. I just got up one day and closed down every single 'friend' I did not actually know from real life. Hell it was hard. I went into withdrawal.

It was even harder to fill the vaccum. But I did:

- I started attending a mood disorder support group. The act of just seeing faces and engaging with people helped a great deal. But I have formed some acquaintanceships that have thus far lasted several years,
- I forced myself (as frightening as it was for me) to reach out to some former acquaintances that I had lost touch with over the years. I now have a once weekly art and coffee date with these renewed friends, and
- I found several organizations to volunteer for. This has given me a sense of purpose but there is also a social side to being around people.

Now, these above efforts had a trickledown effect in that I inturn met more people and became more active. In fact I am in a wonderful relationship with a man that woud have otherwise passed me right on by. Additionally, I look better after myself. I am physically healthier. I have even lost some weight (I am also on Metformin).

It wasn't easy. And I find myself sometimes longing for the 'easier' days of internet socializing. But I have not relented and in the longrun my life is better for it; socially, emotionally, mentally, and physically.