desparate for advice

Here is an article I found on non-verbal signs of flirting:

10 Signs of Flirting You Need to Be Aware Of

They may not come instinctively to you but perhaps if you read up on the subject it may help you realise when someone is flirting with you. Of course it's not an exact science but if a woman is doing these things a lot around you then the chances are strong she is interested.

Why do people not talk to communicate attraction? Interesting question. Maybe because when we are in 'mating' mode we are more in tune with our animal side.

ive heard the term "mindblind" applied to autism spectrum. I'm guessing it means they struggle to read peoples, emotional responses that aren't quite articulated, like u say non verbal clues.

We have problems in the other direction also....its frustrating to talk to someone like one would normally talk to say another engineer I worked with ( H was also a computer engineer so its not like we were coming from different worlds)....but when I asked him something or even said something to hi. He would look at me as if I were speaking in a foreign language....& sometimes he would fight with what I was saying even though in reality we were saying the same thing. If I hadnt been married to him I would hsve been out of there long before I could no longer tolerate livig like that.

I dont know what your relatioships were like with the women you were with but honestly its not something easy to discuss with a person when there is already a serious communication problem that exists.

My husband could talk work just fine but not every day life....its not easy & some women when they sense there may be an issue they are out of there before a relationship gets any more complicated than they feel it already is.....thats life with or with out aspergers being involved....that just adds another layer of complication to a relationship as the 2 things I finally realized were the problems was communication & lack of feeling any emotional conection....smart women are usually very sensitive to those problems....only reason I sort of missed it was because even though my dad died many years before aspergers was ever dx'ed in the US....all the behavior patterns matched when I researched them in relation to my ex-H....& I was sure I was the one causing the problem until I got around people I could actually communicate with & emotionslly connect with. Most women dont come from a place like that & are more aware. Relationships are ALL difficult & take a lot of work so when there is even more work many dont want the work in the first place let alone the extra it takes to figure out how to make a more complex one work.

The thing is if you do keep searching chances are you will find someone who does connect with you.....its definitely something that cant be forced & you are better off without someone who doesnt connect with you than trying to force somethig to work because YOU are lonely....you will be a lot more lonely if you get stuck in a relationship that both dont agree is working....better to let the butterfly fly away....but if/when you find the right connection for both....it will be good