[kittylover_ayrie]

I just got married this August. I have been with my husband for about 16 months all together. He is a wonderful support system for me. Both our families treat us really bad but we support each other. My husband will go out of his way to make me happy when Im going through what we call " messipodes " which is basically mess and episodes put together. LOL. Lately I've noticed hes been down a lot. I think all my fighting and irrability is rubbing of on him. Im always sick and I feel bad for not being able to things that a wife should. I fight with him a lot for no reason. I have this fear that he cheats on me when I know damn well he would never do such a thing to me. I always cry and make him upset. I feel so guilty after doing so. I make it impossible for him to go out with his friends because I have separation anxiety, I'm also very dependent on him and I know it isn't fair that he has to be punished for what I'm going through. What can I do to help myself so he can go out more. What can keep me busy, what can make me not freak out well he is gone. He works all day and when he does get home I attach to him like white on rice and I'm constantly in his face. I hate this is there anything I can do.... and if he doesn't pay attention then I breakdown and cry.... and get in my cycle. I'm worried about him and I love him with all my heart, I just wish I can make things easier on him. <font color="purple"> </font>

[Maven]

You might try coming here to the chat room to see if socializing helps. Or get out and find some friends.

When my panic disorder is bad, I am afraid to be alone. It's not that I'm afraid of my bf cheating or anything, but that I simply can't be alone.

[eskielover]

It sounds to me like you don't have any interests of your own.....things that you do by yourself. Things that you enjoy doing that keep your mind off yourself & off the complete needing of your husband.

This is definitaly not a good way to start out a marriage......& I would imagine if it keeps going, it might be hard to keep the marriage going for long. A marriage should be a partnership. It should be 2 individuals that come together & share the bond of being together too.....but if the 2 don't keep their individuality in the marriage.....& when one person ends up doing everything......Where is the partnership in that?

Crafts (beading, jewelry making, needle work, sewing, painting, etc), reading, classes in the community center or college, going to a gym, sports (tennis, etc), theater group, music group,.....anything that can get you out of yourself.......you need to find something you can put your interest on & become independent. Even if men like to be the care takers.....they don't like to be smothered.....sounds more like smothering than dragging him down to me (but that may just be the way I'm reading that).

This is the time to make the needed changes in yourself in the marriage. I started out my marriage very unhappy at the way my husband lived his life & pointed out the problems at the beginning. He didn't listen & I tolerated.....there comes a time when the other person quits tolerating & no one knows at what point that happens. For me, it has taken 32 years, but I have been very unhappy for at least 32 of those years. Looking back, I wonder why I waisted all those years being unhappy.

Just something to think about & see if it makes any sense in your case,
Debbie

[kittylover_ayrie]

yes that sounds bout right, i should try to let him do more things he enjoys.

[kittylover_ayrie]

I let my husband get out of the house today by himself. He made a new friend down stair, I think Im ok to let him do things now. I made him byuy me stuff for a cake, it helps me when I bake. It also makes me forget that I am alone.